


Heavy Dirty Soul

by HadesRuinsEverything



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse
Genre: Angst, Blasphemy, Blindfolds, Chess, Choking, Cock Warming, Come Swallowing, Dark, Demonic Possession, Dialogue Heavy, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Porn with Feelings, Possession, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rimming, Rough Sex, Sharing a Bed, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2020-01-06 15:53:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 83,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18391577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HadesRuinsEverything/pseuds/HadesRuinsEverything
Summary: The Antichrist, a gray and their tumultuous relationship...





	1. Everyday Is Exactly The Same

18 months. It's been 18 months since you've been stuck in hell. Not literal hell, but hell on earth known as Outpost 3. The world had been blown to shit and here you are, stuck with the most unbearable fucks you could possibly think to be living out the rest of your days with. _Fucking perfect_. The purples have their panties in a twist over possible salvation from a mysterious stranger named Langdon offering promises of a sanctuary for a select few if chosen through interviews. They're going to be insufferable. The tensions were already mounting before his arrival. This just amplified it. _Hopefully this goes by quickly so he takes whoever he's taking and the rest of us can die in peace._

Gallant offered himself up first, naturally. One by one, the other purples made their rounds within the days that followed. Eventually, the grays, which you weren't expecting. Meaning it was only a matter of time until you would be called for your own interview; that is, if you chose to. No one was being forced to. You overheard of the various types of interviews others had. You aren't sure what to expect if you decide to go through with it. _What to do, what to do_. You are immediately snapped out of your thoughts when Venable catches you off guard...

"Y/N, nothing else better to do than to stare off into space instead of making yourself useful?"

"Sorry. I was finished and I guess I spaced out. It won't happen again."

"Hm."

You know when she stands there a little too long, contemplating something, that it's never a good thing. She does tolerate you a little more than others, which is the only thing that saves your ass.

"Perhaps we can put you to good use. You're fast, efficient and tend to stay of out everyone's way... You can be Langdon's pet for the duration of his stay here"

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

"Does he really need a personal gray?"

The death stare is apparent on her face. Your mouth may very well be the death of you after all.

"Do you dare question me?"

"...No."

"Good. Follow me."

_She's taking me to the office. Fuck. Why?_

Venable knocks on the door and after an almost too long silence, the voice on the other end finally speaks...

_"Come in."_

The sound of her cane on the floor is all you hear. You stay by the door not wanting to impose. The air in the room feels so much warmer than the rest of the outpost. The entire atmosphere feels different in a way you can't explain. You're brought back down to reality when you feel the tension between her and Langdon. _Is she using me as an sacrificial offering?_

_"Ms Venable, to what do I owe this pleasure?"_

"Langdon, this is Y/N. I thought maybe she could be of use, as your personal gray. She's less... irritating, than the others."

Their eyes are piercing daggers at eachother and then they both stare directly at you. They both stayed quiet for a bit. Langdon sorted through files on the desk while Venable intently watched him. _What_ _the_ _fuck_ _has_ _she_ _gotten_ _me_ _into?_ You were hoping he would say 'no thanks' and throw you both the fuck out. That didn't happen. He thanked her, almost mockingly, and Venable walked out, leaving you standing there. She's clearly using you for something, just aren't sure what.

Not wanting to linger, you quietly turn around to leave.

_"Miss Y/N..."_

"Yes?"

 _"Have a seat."_ His face still buried in a file. Presumably yours.

_Oh fuck... I hope this isn't what I think it is_

You sit there quietly for a moment before he speaks again. Not knowing where any of this is going to go worries you a bit.

_"You're the only one that hasn't been interviewed yet. Truthfully, I didn't even know you existed, until now. Your file is practically nonexistent. I admit, you've piqued my curiosity. The Cooperative knows everything about everyone here. Everyones dirty little secrets. Yet here you are... an entire life on just a few sheets of paper."_

The folder barely made a sound as it was dropped on the desk. A stark contrast between yours and everyone else's. _Not surprised._  
He rose from his seat and made his way around the desk towards you.

_"So tell me, who are you?"_

You looked at his face for a moment, even in the low amber glow that fills the room, you were taken aback by the color of his eyes. Trying not to stare, you focus on something else and catch a glimpse of the huge black ring adorning his finger before you find the words to speak.

"There isn't much to tell. Could be why my file is so small. I was no one before the bombs, I'm no one now. I'm living the same kind of life now as I was before. Minus a few differences, of course." You say as you glance around the room to make your point before continuing. "I didn't have a lot happen in my life - nothing worth noting anyway. All my family was long gone years before the world went to shit. One day, I wind up here. End of story."

The silence is almost uncomfortable as he stares at you, like he's reading you like a book. Searching for something, anything he can find.

_"Really?"_

"Really."

_"You were the last person to arrive at this outpost. How did you end up here?"_

"I don't know. I didn't buy my way in, that's for damn sure. I don't have special genetics like others here. I would be of no use for reproductive purposes, so why I'm here? I have no fucking clue..."

You realize your mistake as soon as it left your mouth. _Me and my big fucking mouth. Can't take it back now._

"Um, I wouldn't be useful at the sanctuary, anymore than I am here. You're wasting your time with me. I'll be outside if you need anything."

You're almost at the door when he calls to you again

_"Miss Y/N."_

"Please, just Y/N. I'm just a gray, no one else here is formal with me. There's really no need."

_"...Y/N. Don't you think you deserve a chance to live just as much as anyone else here? I'm offering a chance for salvation."_

"I don't deserve it."

_"A martyr are we?"_

"Not at all. I just... know who I am. I know what I've done... what my sins are." You notice Langdon almost lost in thought at your words, "There is no salvation for people like me."

_"Are you religious?"_

"No. I never really attended church or followed any specific religions personally. I never looked down on people that did though. If it made them feel better, what's the harm, right? You're still always fed the idea that "he" is always listening. In hard times, you pray, hoping maybe your prayers would be answered. That the almightly Lord above would hear your pleas and would save you. Some of us learned the hard way, that it's all bullshit. Cause for some of us, he didn't listen. Maybe it only worked for true believers. Those of us with tainted, dirty souls... I guess we knew our answer."

Langdon just listened. He hasn't told me to shut the fuck up yet

_"Do you believe "HE" is responsible for the state of the world now?"_

"Doesn't really matter what I believe. Maybe he was, maybe not. The world was shit anyway. The human race was a cesspool of corruption, greed, and narcissistic assholes. Maybe we deserved to be wiped clean. We weren't necessarily good. Some of us should have burned with the rest of them."

He seems surprised by the words too eagerly spilling out of your mouth. You should feel shame for feeling like you do, but you don't. It's the first time coming to this shithole that you've freely spoken like this.

_"Spoken with such conviction. It's a welcoming change from all the bullshit that has spilled from everyone else's mouths around here."_

Again, the silence takes hold and you want nothing more than to leave. Every time you plan to make your exit, it's like he purposefully is pulling you back in.

_"According to your file, you are highly intelligent. Unusually high actually. You never did anything with it though. Couldn't find anything to fill the void? You're quite apathetic, but I'm sure you know that. What I want to know is... Why?"_

He's getting too close for comfort now.

"Why what?"

_"Why are you the way that you are? What ruined you and opened your eyes to see the world for how it truly is? What made you turn your back on the person you once were?"_

_What the fuck is in that file? He can't possibly know. No one knows, I made sure of it. This is getting way deeper than I thought._

"No one ruined me. I'm just... fucked up. I've created my own chaos. I'm the architect of my own destruction. That's all there really is to it."

_"Interesting. I only asked What. Not whom."_

You wanted to carefully choose your words so that this wouldn't go any deeper. _No one needs to know_. You were hoping he'd finally be done with you so you can leave.

"Not that interesting really. I can assure you." You say lowly

You're sure he can sense your anxiety starting to set in. It feels like you can hear your heart beating loudly in your chest. Hoping he can't hear it too. You decide to end this yourself before it gets too personal.

"Like I said, I'm nothing interesting. I should go."

You succeeded. You were leaving. It worked. Until it didn't....

_"Almost four years ago, you wound up in the hospital with life threatening injuries. You died on the table."_

This stopped you in your tracks. Your blood ran cold. _Shit._

You turned around to face him. Trying everything to keep your composure. _Just breathe. Just breathe._

_"Something wrong?"_

The air had been ripped from your lungs.

"I need to sit down for a minute"

_"...Of course"_

You sat by the fireplace, burying your face in your lap trying to calm yourself down. Langdon opened a dangerous door that wasn't meant to be opened ever again. You could feel his presence surrounding you as he got closer. It was stifling. He sat across from you, getting uncomfortably close.

"How did they find out?"

_"They didn't. No one knows. You've done a pretty good job of covering your tracks."_

"Then how do you know?"

_"I have my ways."_

You sat and stared at the fire for a bit, lost in your thoughts. He snapped you right back with more questions, he was adamant about knowing the answers to all of them.

_"There were 5 of them, correct?"_

It felt like the air in the room had gone still.

"Yes."

_"What happened?"_

"B-but you already know. Are you asking for specifics?"

_"I'm not looking for explicit details if that's what you're worried about."_

_Why_ _is_ _any_ _of_ _this_ _relevant?_ You suddenly became angry. It came in a wave that you couldn't explain. Your breathing became erratic. Couldn't form a single coherent thought. You were a ticking time bomb. _Where the fuck is this coming from?_

"You want to know what happened? Fine. I was raped by 5 scumbags that I thought were my friends. They each had their way with me, then helped each other out while they lived out their own sick twisted fantasies that I got to be apart of, while I was being beaten, cut and fucked, over and over, in a field, in the middle of no where. When they were done with me, they decided that killing me was a great fucking plan. They pussied out at the last minute and couldn't just slash my fucking throat so they just stabbed me a few times and left me for dead. They told me I died at the hospital after the fact. I have no memory of it."

Stray tears were falling but you managed to keep yourself together. You've never spoken a word of this to anyone. If you didn't know better, you'd think Landgon almost pitied you. It wasn't something you wanted. Not from anyone. Yourself included. Wiping your tears away, straightening yourself up to regain your hard exterior, you took a few deep breaths before gathering the courage to speak.

"Now you know everything there is to know about me, Langdon. My deepest, darkest secret. Like I said, still nothing of importance."

Sitting there, with an incredulous smirk on his face, he waits a moment before saying anything. Everything he does is carefully calculated. Like a strategized game, his next moves have already been made.

_"Did they pay for what they did to you?"_

"Just about everyone in the world is dead, I'm assuming they're in hell where they belong. Or at least I hope they are."

_"You have plenty of dark secrets. Y/N. We've already opened the floodgates. Why stop here?"_

"What do you mean?"

_"Y/N, you are the only person that hasn't told me a single lie during their interview, I'd like to keep it that way.... We both know those men died well before the blast."_

You can only nod.

_"You killed them."_

"Not directly. I had... help." Your voice low.

_"Help?"_

"Help. As in, I didn't want to get my hands dirty. There was one I did sort of partake in. He did the deed on himself though.... I, uh, put a bad mix of drugs in his syringe. I guess he became a junkie after what happened."

_"Do you feel any guilt about it?"_

"I did. For a long time. I wasn't the same after what happened to me. I thought I would feel vindicated once they were gone. I wasn't prepared for how I felt after. The guilt ate away at me. I didn't know who I was anymore. I debated on killing myself on more than one occasion. Then one night, I couldn't do it anymore... Ran the blade over my skin and let the blood flow. I succeeded. Or so I thought. I'm alive. Again."

Langdon smelled death on you the moment you stepped into the room, his suspicions now confirmed. He was intrigued now more than ever.

_"You've tasted death twice. That's not an easy feat."_

"Guess not."

_"How did you come back the second time?"_

"Come back?" You look at him confused.

_"The first time you died, you were at a hospital, where I'm assuming they revived you. You didn't mention where you were when you took your own life."_

"I was at home."

_"And?"_

"And um. Uh." You couldn't get the words out. "You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you."

 _"Try me."_ He challenged.

"... I woke up, still at home. Alone. Blood was dry and my wounds were healed." You absentmindedly lifted your sleeves slightly to show the scars that hid underneath.  
"Already scarred over actually. It didn't make sense."

Langdon lightly grazed his fingertips over one of them before you realized he was that close to you and you quickly jerked yourself away.

"I uh, I'm not-"

_"You aren't comfortable with physical contact."_

"No."

_"I'm sorry."_

He gives you some space. You were thankful for it.

_"I do have one more question."_

_He knows everything, what more could he possibly want?_

_"You said you don't remember dying the first time. What about the second time? Was there anything waiting for you on the other side?"_

"It was different. I took sleeping pills first, so I drifted off to sleep before the blood loss. I assumed that I was dreaming at first. It felt familiar. Like I'd been there before. I realized soon after that I wasn't dreaming and that I was, in fact, dead."

Landgon was hanging on to your every word. You weren't sure why. You felt crazy admiting all of this out loud and to him of all people, no less. _He probably thinks I'm fucking crazy. Maybe he's crazier than I am, that's why he's so fascinated with my crazy fucking story._

_"Where were you?"_

"I don't know. I always thought I'd end up burning in hell after I died. Maybe I was in hell, but it wasn't at all like I expected. They say what you fear is what you find. That's what it was... an endless loop of my greatest fear."

_"How did you get back?"_

"Someone guided me out, so to speak. Said that I didn't belong there just yet. I didn't understand why, seeing that I took my own life. I had made my choice. He told me it would all make sense soon enough. Then I woke up. As they say, the rest is history."

"You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

_"Why do you say that?"_

"It sounds fucked up in my own head. I can only imagine how it sounds actually coming out of my mouth and having to hear it."

_"Stranger things have happened before that could never be proven or explained."_

He finally stood up, you followed suit.

_"Well, Y/N, this has been enlightening."_

You nodded in agreement.

Walking away, as soon as your hand touched the door, he spoke once more.

 _"Y/N?"_ You simply turn as to not get suckered back in

_"Did this mystery man give you anything else to go on that may have been helpful to you?"_

"No. Only what I told you. And his name."

_"Which was?"_

"Michael."

 _"Michael."_ He says wryly.

_He seems amused by this._

"I'll be around if you need anything."

You turned around and left. Hoping he wouldn't actually need you for anything and hoping to avoid Venable being up your ass. _What I wouldn't do for some booze right now._


	2. You'll Be Fine

It's been a few days since Venable decided to make you a personal slave. You couldn't complain though, you could have it like Mallory and have to personally wipe someone else's ass. _Poor girl._ Langdon didn't ask for anything and you didn't bother him. It was a great unspoken agreement between the two of you. Everyone was on high alert since his arrival, meaning Venable was constantly on the warpath. You were one of the few that managed to avoid it and you intend to keep it that way.

To keep in her good graces, you stood outside Langdon's office like a dog, just in case. You both knew you weren't needed, and probably not wanted, but this was technically your job now, so you obliged. It was quiet, save for a select few going in for a second interview. He decided to extend his stay to observe everyone before making his final selections. _Maybe Venable wasn't selected. Could explain why she has sand in her vag lately._ You were hoping she was, this way she'd be hauled away and you could live out the rest of your short life in peace, without ever having to look at her face again. The thought alone almost brings a smile to your face.

Approaching footsteps forces you out of your daze; Already knowing who they belong to. Mead has been making her way to and from, retrieving people for Landgon. She's alone though. Gallant is still inside meaning she's going to awkwardly stand here with you until those doors open. _Shit_. It felt like a fucking eternity before you heard them finally open. Gallant stepped out with a somber expression on his face. _Maybe he wasn't picked._

Not a moment later, you can feel eyes boring into you. Already knowing who they belong to, you ignore it.

The sound of Mead's voice caught your attention.

"Sir, is there anyone else you wish to see?"

_I can feel eyes on me_

_"No, that'll be all today."_

She nods and walks away, making eye contact with the two of you before disappearing from view.

Now you're both just... there.

_"Y/N, a moment?"_

You notice how different his voice sounds in the moment. Low and velvety. Not nearly as intimidating. It's almost inviting. _Almost..._

He motions you into the office, closing the doors behind him and seating himself back at the desk.

_"Have a seat."_

You make the slow paced walk to a chair across from him. _What_ _could_ _he_ _possibly_ _want_ _with_ _me_ _now?_ You should probably feel nervous, but you don't. He knows about the horrible things you've done and seemed unfazed by it, which was slightly concerning. Being far from perfect, you weren't in a position to judge anyone. He didn't. Or didn't to your face anyway. You both just sat, silently observing one another. It was strange. This person holds so much power over everyone's lives here, yet you didn't fucking care. They'll hang on to his every word, offer whatever they could, if it meant they'll be saved. You wanted nothing from him. You already accepted your fate long ago and had no mind to change course. It was inevitable. Believing yourself to be beyond redemption.

_"Distracted?"_

"Just... Not exactly sure why-"

_"Why I called you in here?"_

"Exactly."

_"Let's just say, I'm feeling... generous."_

You look at him raising your brow, clearly not understanding what he means.

_"We share a common pain in the ass in this place. I thought since she has you sitting outside like a guard dog all day, the least I could do was save you from her wrath while she's on one of her fucking bullshit tirades. She won't step foot in here, or dare question me. Or you."_

That shocked you. Definitely weren't expecting that.

"Thank you." You murmured.

_"No need to."_

"She's not that difficult to deal with. Just have to know how to play her game, you know?"

 _"Game?"_ Raising an eyebrow

"I play the ever over obidient servant, not to kiss ass, but because she thinks she's broken me down to bend to her will. I use it to my advantage."

_"How so?"_

"She finds me a little more... tolerable, than most of the others here, which probably isn't saying much. I do what I have to do, I stay away from her and in return, she leaves me the fuck alone. It's not great but it's a decent amount of peace that's not afforded to everyone here. Some of us are waiting to die, no need to make it worse by having her breathing down their neck the whole time."

Tapping his fingertips against the desk, looking deep in thought......

_"Are you afraid of death? Knowing what you know?"_

"No. I know I'm not going anywhere great after I die. There's nothing I can do to change that. Truth be told, I'd down one of those little white pills of yours right now without a second thought."

 _"You'd rather be in hell, suffering?_ " He asked with quizzical look

"Not that I'd rather be. It's just... what's the alternative? I'm suffering either way. I should be happy that I've gotten, yet another, chance at life but, what kind of life is this to be living? All I want to do is to end it. What's wrong with me?"

_"Trauma. Death. Not easy things for people to deal with, or overcome. Maybe you just need to find a purpose. I think I can help you."_

"I'm supposed to be your work bitch, not the other way around. I'm already pretty worthless as that title as is."

A small chuckle escapes his mouth.

 _"I have something that may be helpful,"_ He makes his way to the seat next to you. _"But you'd have to have an open mind... and you'd have to trust me."_

_How am I supposed to trust someone I barely know? I don't even trust people I do know._

You're hesitant. Not knowing what his motives are has you feeling a little uneasy. Then it hits you, an unexpected wave of relief. A calm before the storm. Against your better judgement, you decide to listen.

"Ok. What do I have to do?" Your eyes meeting his

_"It's simple really. All you have to do... is give me your hand."_

You swallowed hard. He's trying to kill you, that much you're sure of. Every fiber of your being is telling you to stay away. This will only end badly. Something about him screams dangerous, deadly even, and yet he's luring you in without much effort. _You're_ _stronger_ _than_ _this_.

Hand stretched out towards you, your breathing picks up. _He knows I can't do this_

_"I know this isn't easy. I won't hurt you. I won't do anything unless you give me your consent."_

Contemplating for a bit on what he could possibly have up his sleeve. His previous words echoing in your mind _"Stranger things have happened before that could never be proven or explained"_ _What dirty little secrets is he hiding?_

It took a bit. It felt like bile was rising in your throat. _Breathe. Just breathe._ Your trembling hand found its way to his. Taking notice of how hot his skin burned against your own. His larger hand enveloping yours. The contact sent jolts of static throughout your entire body, unlike anything you've ever experienced before. You hadn't noticed you were holding your breath the entire time until you gasped for air.

 _"You're shaking."_ His eyes not leaving your hand

"This is hard for me." You whisper.

 _"It'll make sense soon, I promise."_ Eyes meeting yours.

It suddenly feels like your on the beach walking towards the water and the waves are lulling you in... Then once you're in, a big one surprises you, knocks you on your ass and takes you under. That would be Langdon. In this moment, you'd gladly drown.

In your nervous state, you absentmindedly started trailing your fingertips along his long fingers and tracing patterns in his palm. He watched quietly, not stopping you. You immediately stopped as soon as you realized it.

"I'm sorry, that was... weird." You laugh nervously.

_"How long has it been since you've physically touched anyone?"_

"This would be the first time that I've personally sought it out since-" You couldn't finish the sentence. Langdon knew what you were going to say, so you left it at that. "Besides, being here makes that easy." You had started to grip his hand so tightly that your knuckles were turning white.

 _"Relax."_ He said softly. _"Is it ok if I use both my hands?"_

Giving an approving nod, he slowly holds your hand between his two. Not sure what to expect, you sat without saying a word. Then something felt different... wrong...

It felt like you're on the sidelines watching a movie of your memories. Fragmented bits here and there are playing out. Memories you wished to forget. _What the fuck is happening right now?_ Fire is coursing through your veins, you want to scream but no sounds are coming out. _What the fuck did he do to me?_ Then, everything stops momentarily before you're suddenly thrusted into a final memory. The place, the smell, the dread, it was all coming back... and then you heard his voice echoing around you. _Michael._ Your saving grace. The memory of his presence is one you can still feel. You can feel him coming towards you. When you turn to look at him, it hits you... It wasn't at all who you were expecting. He was different, more refined, distinguished... he's Langdon.

You didn't have time to process any of it before you're swallowing down air, barely registering that you're back sitting in the office in the outpost. Trying to stop your head from spinning, you still have a death grip on Langdon's hand and are now using him as leverage. _Was that all in my head?_

"What was that?" Was all you were able to muster while catching your breath

_"Your memories. I can see them like you do."_

You can't wrap your head around the idea at first, but you've experienced things that would be described as either a miracle, or a curse, depending on who you ask.

"I saw you. Before coming to again. I was expecting to see someone else. Instead, I saw you. Why?"

 _"You already know."_ Now he's tracing the back of your hand.

"What's that supposed to mean? Cut the shit, Langdon."

_"There's no need for formalities between us anymore, Y/N."_

"What are you talking about? Who the fuck are you?" Snatching you hand away from him.

He let out a deep sigh before turning to retreive something you couldn't make out at first, until you saw the glint of a blade. You froze. You were hoping that when you died again, it wouldn't be as painful as the first time, more so like the second time, if you had a choice. He may not be giving you one. You watched him as he just held it in his hand, not looking over at you. Yet.

_"It's not for you."_

"Then who's it f-" Your words cut short when you see him deeply slice his palm without warning. "What are you doing?!" Are you fucking crazy?!" Taking his hand to your lap, using your apron to soak up the blood dripping everywhere; both surprised at the amount of contact you're allowing in the moment.

_"There's no need for that."_

You ignore him while you try and survey the damage, expecting to find a disgusting wound you thought you'd surely have to stitch up. Instead, you're stunned. Running your fingers along his hand. Nothing. Just the stain of his blood remains. Gazing at him with bated breath.

 _"See? Like I said, no need."_ With a smirk on his face

Starting to connect the dots, you examine one of your own scars. It never made any sense how you were still alive. It was impossible. Unexplainable. Unnatural. Until now. Looking pensively at each other, wondering who's going to be the first to break the silence, you want to speak but no words will come out. Instead, the overwhelming feeling of anxiety kicks in at full force and you're trying desperately not to vomit everywhere. You say the one thing that keeps screaming in your head...

"Michael?"

 _"Y/N"_ Voice low and smooth as silk

_Holy shit._

_Breathe. Just breathe._

_What the fuck was that? How did he manage to just leave while I was stuck? Was he dead too?_

_"To answer your question, No, I wasn't dead. I was able to get you out because of certain... privileges, if you will."_

"I didn't say anything." Voice barely above a whisper

 _"Not out loud. Not that you needed to._ " He taps his temple to prove his point.

"H-Have you been doing that this whole time?" Suddenly becoming horrified of the possibility

_"Not this whole time, no."_

"But...you've done it before?"

_"I was curious, after our first encounter."_

"Great." You mumble to yourself. "Have you done that to everyone else here too?"

 _"Not by choice. Their thoughts can be so loud, I can't help but hear them at the most inopportune times. The lewd, perverted things they think about that I get front row access too. As much as I appreciate hearing how much someone wants to suck my dick or fuck me, it gets really tiresome hearing the thoughts constantly in my head. Like Mr Gallant every time I'm near him."_ He grimaced

"Sounds like more of a burden than anything..."

_"Then there's you..."_

"What about me?" Becoming painfully self aware of your inner monologue.

_"Your thoughts are so much quieter than the others. Not at all...disgusting like some."_

You stared in his cerulean eyes and see how he still resembles the younger man that saved you, just older, radiated confidence and eloquent as an English lord.

 _Mind_ _reading_. _Wonder_ _what_ _else_ _he_ _could_ _do_ _..._

One moment, he was sitting next to you, then he appeared across from you, where he was prior. Paired with a shit eating grin on his face.

"Holy shit." Heart rattling in your chest.

_"I have many... gifts."_

"Gifts. Interesting."

_"It can be."_

"Can I ask you something?"

He sat forward, elbows on the desk, silently giving you a go to proceed.

"Why me? I mean... I'm not like you. My being here is, quite frankly, useless."

If looks could kill... Nostrils flaring, jaw tightening. He appears angry at your admission.

_"My father needed a soul... an exchange of sorts." He paused as if he was trying to carefully choose his words. "I saw a lot of myself in you. There was a time when even I was lost and unsure of my place. It worked out in both of our favors really."_

"Your father?..."

_"You're a smart woman, Y/N, I'm sure you can figure it out."_

"...But that still doesn't tell me why I was brought back? What's the reasoning behind it?"

_"You'll find out in due time."_

"That's it?" Annoyance laced in your voice

You're even more confused now than before. Maybe it was all too much for you to take in at once. Shoulders slouched, head down with your hands covering your face, you gave up trying to figure it out. You just let out a barely audible sigh instead.

"Ok." Finally admitting defeat on the matter. "Ok." Resting back in the chair. "I should get back to work."

_"Guarding the door?"_

"Whatever keeps Venable off my ass. You don't necessarily need my help. Besides, it keeps me from having to mindlessly clean the floors for the umpteenth fucking time."

_"I'm sure we can find something for you."_

"...I'll be around."

With that, you get up and leave. Completely mind-fucked and aware of your own thoughts for the first time in your life, your head is hurting from the overload of information thrown in your lap. Too mentally exhausted to fully comprehend everything that had just happened, you decided to push it aside and not think about it.

For now.


	3. Dark Times

Michael decided to give you menial tasks so you would look slightly busy. It was basically just moving files from his room to the office and vice versa, but it made you look useful as you followed him around. You still did Venable's bullshit work, just to keep her out of everyone else's hair as much as possible. It was better for everyone when her and her henchmen weren't in the mood to dispose of anyone who crossed their path. She's been on a power trip ever since Michael's arrival. Trying everything in her power to regain control of the outpost. HER outpost. Depleting food rations, high anxiety and fleeting patience bring forth the high tension bubbling just under the surface. Reality setting in for most that they won't make it out of here alive. They try to remain calm, but their facades are fading. They'll start throwing everything they have at Michael now.

Trying to tune out the mindless babble of the purples bantering, you attempt to finish up in the common room as quickly as possible to get the hell out before they eventually started arguing. They always did. It's become routine at this point. It was amusing at times you admit, but with Venable's unknowing mood, someone could be 'Stu'd' at any moment. You'd rather not be killed and fed to these assholes if you could help it. You'd rather they starve before feasting upon your dead body. An annoying voice calls for your attention. _Shit, what the fuck does she want?_

"Y/N, you're Langdon's gray, is there anything you can tell us about him? Who's he looking for to go to the Sanctuary?"

Coco's ever annoying voice and entitled personality shines through with everything she does.

"I couldn't tell you, sorry."

"Can't? Or won't?" Eyes glaring

_I'd love to smack that look off your fucking face._

"Can't, as in, I don't know anything either. Sorry."

"Well, you're useless." As she rolls her eyes

"I doubt she knows any more than the rest of us do." Mallory chimes in.

You give Mallory a look as a way of saying 'Thank You.'

Dinah is not one for many words. Prefers to stay to herself. You weren't a fan of her bullshit talk show, she seemed to try those goddamn speeches and affirmations in her daily life and everyone else would be privy to them, too. "We just need to have patience. Nothing more any of us can do. Langdon can't leave us waiting forever. When he knows, he's sure to tell us." Here she goes again. You politely smile at her and make your way to Emily and Timothy that are across the room, they're usually too wrapped up in themselves to bother with the others. They're talking amongst themselves, almost too low for you to hear but you can see how much they care about each other. _It's nice that they found each other despite all this._ She's giggling as she's trying to help him play chess. _He could have beaten her already had he known what the hell he was doing._

Then you hear the sound of Venable's cane coming. _Shit._ She's not alone though. Walking in with none other than Michael. You could hear a pin drop with how quiet everyone went. Even Coco shut her mouth.  That alone brought a smile to your face.

_"Please, don't stop on my account. Just taking a short break."_

You two share a quick glance before you turn your attention to Venable's face. A faint smile appeared on her lips but you knew, inwardly, she was seething. _Wonder what that's about._ You look over at Michael who cocks an eyebrow at you, when you realize that your thinking. Loudly. _Shit._ You turn your attention back to Emily and Timothy, who had continued their game.

"If I may?" You offer to Timothy

"Sure. She's beating me pretty bad."

"You can promote your pawn to a queen. You got it across the board. That'll help you, though you're in pretty deep, I gotta say."

"Is that a thing? I've never heard of that?" Emily asked.

 _"It is."_ A familiar voice came out of no where. _"You play."_ Stated matter of factly.

"Oh, uh, not in a long time. Probably no one alive anymore who would know how to properly play, to be honest."

There it was again, the awkward silence in the air.

 _"...How about a game?"_ He challenged with a sly grin.

Now everyone is staring at our little interaction. It felt strange. You could feel Venable's eyes burning into the two of you.

"Um... ok."

Emily and Timothy get up to make way for you. You fix the pieces back in place.

"Black or white?"

_"Black."_

"Are you sure? Statistically, white has a higher chance of winning starting first."

_"Oh, I'm sure."_

"Ok. Good luck."

_No cheating._

You look to Michael knowing he heard you.

_**Noted.** _

Your eyes widened at what just transpired. _Was he just in my fucking head?_

 _"Good luck."_ Said with a smile plastered on his face.

All eyes are on you two as you make you first move.

 _"e4. Good opener."_ He said softly

"A strong opener."

It was eerily quiet as we contemplated our moves. Feeling everyone's eyes on us. Venable close by, overseeing. With a few taps of her cane, you could hear shuffling and then everyone leaving. She sent everyone away. Everyone, except herself. Of course.

You're surprised at how skilled he is. He's giving you a challenge. It feels refreshing after spending 18 months with people who could barely keep up with simple terms.

_If I don't fuck this up, he can't check me. He thinks he's got me. I can tell by his smug facial expression_

_"You know, the king is the most important piece in chess. You aren't utilizing your pieces. How do you expect to beat me like this?"_

_Too cocky, I've got him._

Sacrificing your queen, you cause a ripple effect he wasn't expecting. The look on his face says it all...

_"...Check."_

Michael almost looks stunned. As if he's never been beaten before.

_"The Immortal Game. Impressive, Y/N. ....Very impressive."_

"Thank you. Good game. It was nice having a challenging opponent."

_"Likewise."_

Venable is still watching, from afar. You start putting the pieces back in place on the board.

"You know, the king may be the most important, but the queen is the most powerful; able to do things the king can't. It's always held true in life too. The sacrifices many a queen has made for her king."

Michael seems to be listening to your words as if they're gospel.

"Which proves a very important point."

_"And what might that be?"_

"That-" You pick up the white queen and examine it for a few seconds before handing it to him. "A Woman : Without her, Man is Nothing."

He gazed in wonderment for a moment, then simply nodded in agreement.

"Well that's something we can agree on." Venable's voice echos through the quiet room. Michael clears his throat and you're suddenly aware of the tension creeping in. You flash her a fake smile, turn back to Michael and tell him goodnight before rushing back to your room before Venable decides to have your head on a plate.

\----------------------------------------

A few days have gone by and you can't shake the feeling like you're silently being watched by Venable. She's following you around more so than usual, when she would normally be no where in sight. Normally, you could evade her and Mead, that's all you'd been doing since you'd gotten here after all, but you've been failing miserably as of late. You're staying polite as possible whenever she corners you, asking what you're up to, where you're off to. There's not many places to go and you're a servant, a gray, you're constantly on the move all day long. _What the fuck does she expect?_ You knew something was off when it was unusually quiet. Until Mead came to retrieve you...

"Y/N, Ms Venable would like to speak with you."

_Shit._

"Yes, ma'am"

It was a long, harrowing walk to Venable's chambers. Not many have actually been in her room, except for you on a few rare occasions, when she wanted it cleaned to her level of perfection. That was no easy task.

_I wonder what she wants with me now?_

Mead lets you in and stays by the door.

"Y/N." Her fake smile fades quickly. "I know you're wondering why I've called you here, so I'll cut right to the chase. I know there's something going on between you and Langdon."

_Is she fucking kidding me?_

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Don't play dumb with me. I won't be made a fool of. I saw the way he looks at you.... that little interaction a few nights ago. One would have to be blind not to notice." She's gripping her cane so tightly that if not for needing it for support, she'd surely start beating you with it.

"I can assure you, there is nothing going on. I've been nothing but honest, loyal, since the day I've arrived here."

"Hm." She scans you up and down before she turns to have a seat. "I thought you were better than the rest of these simple minded, vacuous people... but I can see now that you're no different. Copulating with a member of The Cooperative won't save you."

_She thinks I'm sleeping with Michael..._

"I haven't done a thing. You assigned me to him. All I've done was what you've asked of me, nothing more. Langdon has been completely professional."

"I see. So... what I saw the other night was what, exactly?"

"Not what you seem to think it was."

"Really? He looked at you like you were the forbidden fruit, tempting him. Waiting to be devoured."

"I have no control over what people think, Ms Venable. You can't blame me for whatever may be going on in someone else's head. We were both there, I did nothing wrong. Surely you see this."

"So you're saying I'm making this up? I'm imagining all this?"

"With all due respect, I think you're reading into something that just isn't there, at all."

She has an unsettling look in her eyes, causing a wave of unease in the pit of your stomach. Dealing with her all these months, you know not to speak out of term, it's better to let her have the final say. She hasn't let you leave yet so you don't ask. Nothing prepared you for what she planned for you instead...

"Ms Mead, perhaps Y/N needs to remember her place here." A disgusting grin on her face. "Maybe some time down in the chamber will remind her of such."

_You fucking bitch_

You can almost feel her breath on your face, "This will be the last time you ever disrespect me. Consider yourself lucky that I'm being so kind like this and not just disposing of you. Get her out of my sight."

"Come on, let's go, now."

Mead is pushing you out of the door and the outpost enforcer, whom everyone only calls "The Fist" is already there to escort you to the torture chamber. To your surprise, they weren't exactly rough with you. Probably because you were willingly going without a fight. Walking in silence, accepting your punishment. You've heard stories of what happens here, you never thought you'd be on this side of the fence. They made you take off your uniform, leaving you in just bra and panties. You felt exposed. Not because of being in underwear, but because your scars are out for them to see. You can see them staring at you. _What's the point of being stripped almost fucking naked?_

"Give me your hands."

"What?"

"Give me your hands, Y/N, I don't have all day."

You're starting to freak out a bit.

You're forcefully grabbed and cuffed.

_Breathe. Just breathe._

They didn't say anything, just turned away and left. You're relieved. Bad enough you endured contact, having your wrists bound is making you hyperventilate. Tears are pooling in your eyes. You want to die.

Many excruciatingly long hours later, your arms are numb, exhaustion is setting in and you're certain Venable is making plans to execute you at any moment.

 _I_ _hope_ _I_ _don't_ _have_ _to_ _spend_ _the_ _last_ _of_ _my_ _days_ _with_ _that_ _fucking_ _bitch_. _I'll_ _end_ _up_ _killing_ _her_ _myself_.

The sound of incoming footsteps catches your attention.

"Hey, Y/N, it's me." Said in a whisper.

It was Ryan. Another gray. He was amongst the grays that you passed when being brought down here.

"Oh hey, you shouldn't be here. Venable might have you killed on sight if she finds you."

"It's ok, she's been busy with Landgon. I doubt she'll be done for a while. Just wanted to make sure you were...alright." He said with a small smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks."

He starts looking at you. Then your scars. You start feeling uncomfortable seeing as you're chained up, in underwear, without any means of escaping. He's inching closer to you and it's making your skin crawl. His eyes boring into your almost naked form and not being subtle about it in the slightest.

"As much as I appreciate this little visit Ryan, why are you here?" Your voice cold.

"I just wanted to make sure you're ok. Keep you company..."

"Well, I'm fine. I can't go anywhere. You should go before you get caught."

He seems to be ignoring you. Fixated on the scars covering your half naked body. His breathing becoming erratic. You try not to think about it until you feel his fingertips tracing the outline of the scar across your side. Every muscle in your body tensed up. You fought the vomit trying to come up in your throat.  You know.  Deep down, you already know...

"Um w-what are y-you doing? It's not polite to touch without permission." Trying to keep your composure.

"I figure, you're probably gonna be killed anyway. Why let pussy go to waste? I've waited so fucking long for something like this to come up. You just happened to fall into it. Nothing personal."

You weren't prepared for that. You figured you must be cursed. Only you could find yourself in a situation like this again, after the world goes to shit.

_Breathe. Just Breathe._

All you could do was close your eyes and hope it was just a bad dream. Tears running down your face, you shuddered as he wiped them away....

"Shhh, Y/N. Shhhh..."

He ran his fingers through your hair, gentle at first, then tugged it back forcefully. You could feel his tongue fighting for entrance through your lips, darting around in your mouth for a bit before he breaks away and starts leaving a trail of sloppy wet kisses down you neck. Roaming his hands anywhere he can, like a wild animal, all you do is hope someone else comes before this goes any further. He wastes no time as he shoves his hand down your panties to start rubbing your clit.... You knew reasoning wouldn't do you any good, but you were desperate to try anything at this point.

"R-ryan, please. I don't want t-to do this."

"You will. I'll make you feel good. I promise."

Once he started unzipping his pants, the reality hit you hard. You couldn't stop crying. You did the only thing you could think of...A swift kick in the balls as soon as he got close enough.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" Hoping maybe someone heard the commotion.

"You're gonna regret that you fucking bitch."

He slapped you in a way that caught both your nose and lip. You could smell something metallic. It wasn't until you tasted it in your mouth that you knew it was blood. He tore your panties off completely while you were in a dazed state. "I would have taken it easier on you Y/N, but now, you've pissed me off." He hooked your leg over his hip and without warning, lined himself up and started thrusting himself in you.

A strangled gasp falls from your lips.

"Stop. Please."

"What was that? You want more?" He groaned. 

He lifts your other leg so he's holding you up completely and he's able to bottom out. He starts fucking into you at a brutal pace.  Your cries are only adding to his sick pleasure. It's all too much. You feel everything going black. You escape to a different headspace. You only have one thought : _Michael_

You came crashing down to reality a mere moment later when Ryan is unexpectedly pulled away from you.

_What the fuck just happened?_

Approaching footsteps means it isn't Venable. There's no cane. Just a distinct sound of boots echoing. You immediately know who they belong to. _Oh_ _no._ They stop. It's suddenly quiet and you realize you're alone again.

_Maybe Ryan's getting his fucking brains shot out right now. Serves him right, the fucking bastard. Must mean that I'm next. Venable's looking for any excuse to kill me anyway._

The stinging pain between your thighs comes back to your attention. Noticing the bruising forming around you hips, possibly on your face, too, you could only imagine how disheveled you look. _Is this all I'm good for? Really?_ Stray tears still falling...

\-------------------------------

A while later, after the blood and tears had dried, all you could do was wait until you were killed too. _What else is there?_ You felt the unmistakable shift in the air that you knew only meant one thing. It got warmer once he entered a room, literally. The chamber immediately changed and you felt it.

"I can't see you, but I know you're here, Michael. What do you want?" Voice strained.

Without warning, your restraints let loose and you almost lost your footing from the unexpectedness of it. Just remembering now that you were still bare from the waist down, you sat on your legs to cover yourself as much as possible. You look around. Still no Michael. Rubbing your wrists, the cuffs left deep indentations, the bruising opening up a new wave of memories that will forever haunt you for the rest of your life. Emotions are everywhere and nowhere. You're here but not. Anger and frustration are building up inside of you. Shaking uncontrollably, unsure of what to even do, you let out a frustrated, loud scream. One that starts in your stomach, that leaves your throat raw, that reverberates around you. You needed it. Head in you hands, the tears start flowing soon after.

Then it hits you. His scent. It brings a certain feeling of comfort you weren't expecting.

 _"Y/N?"_ His voice so low he sounds like that a young boy instead of the intimating asshole he is to everyone else.

You look up to see he's crouched directly in front on you. You didn't even hear him approach you.

_"Hey...hey, look at me. Are you ok?"_

"Everything is... Just. Fucking. Great." Enunciating each word for effect. "Never been better." A sardonic smile on your face. "Where's Ryan? He left without saying goodbye."

_"I wouldn't worry about him. He's getting what he deserves... and then some. I've personally made sure of it."_

The menacing tone in his voice causes a chill to run down your spine.

"It was you..." Trying not to remember what had just happened earlier, but found it strange how Ryan was there and then suddenly, just wasn't. "You saw? Did you see?...." Trying with everything you had to keep yourself together until he answered you, he couldn't look at you at first, which told you everything you needed without saying anything at all.

 _"I heard you call for me. Do you remember doing that?"_ Voice above a whisper.

You vaguely recall doing something. Only nodding in response.

_"And yes, I did see..."_

Hearing him confirm that he saw you being raped just made your stomach turn. He's seen into your memories, which is deeply personal, but now, he's also seen it with his own eyes. You feel too vulnerable. You're starting to hyperventilate again.

_"Y/N, listen to me. It's ok."_

"NO!" Tears streaming down your face

He's taken aback.

"I'm sorry... You don't understand. I don't want you seeing me like this. I just feel so... broken."

Unsure of what to do, Michael covers you with his coat and just sits there, quietly listening to your sobs. You aren't sure how long he sat with you, but you appreciated not being alone, even if you didn't want to admit it.

 _"Come on."_ He said softly.

He tentatively offered his hand to help you to your feet. It took you a minute but you shakily accepted. Your legs were practically numb from sitting on them for so long that you were unsteady standing up. He cleared his throat and you were mortified when you realized why. _Shit_. He doesn't say anything, just walks behind you and adjusts his coat so you can put your arms in and close the front, so nothing can be seen.

"Thank you." You say meekly.

_"Let's get you out of here."_

"What about Venable?"

_"She's been dealt with. For now."_

You don't know what he means by that, but you don't care that much to delve into in right now.

"I'd rather not have anyone see me."

_"No one will. You've been down here for a while. It's the middle of the night. Everyone's asleep. It's fine. I promise."_

"... Ok."

No matter what you did, you couldn't stop the stray tears from continuously falling. Eyes puffy, lids heavy. Lips dry and bruised. You walked slow. In silence. Michael kept pace with you the entire time.

"You don't have to follow me, you know. I'll be fine on my own."

He didn't say anything, just continued walking until reaching your room.

"If you want to wait here a sec I can give you this back." Talking about his coat.

_"I'll be by to check on you tomorrow. I'll get it then."_

"Ok."

You can't even look at his face. Knowing that the evidence of your shame is now marked all over yours, you can't bare tainting the beauty of his by looking him in the eye.

_"Y/N?"_

"Hm?

 _"Are you sure you're ok?"_ Genuine concern in his voice.

You attempt a half smile.

"I'm fine. Really. Thanks Michael."

He's hesitant about something but you aren't sure what. He's lingering.

_"Get some rest."_

With that, you make your way into your room. It feels strange somehow. Feeling numb, there's nothing you want more than to crawl on your bed in the fetal position, with Michael's scent relaxing you to sleep.


	4. Once Upon A Dream

It wasn't often that you would have dreams anymore. You couldn't remember the last time you had one, or what the last one was really. This one felt so real. So vivid, you felt like you were actually living it. The bed you woke up in was so soft and warm. The hall you walked down was long and quiet. A large bay window catches your eye, taking notice of the clouds. The dark gray sky calls to you, it always did. You open every window you possibly can, knowing the temperature will soon drop. _Rain._ Your favorite scent. One you haven't gotten to enjoy in over a year. How it feels on your skin. You missed it. You waited. It never came though.

You recognize that you're home, but it's not quite the same. Outside looks like where you lived, but it was different. Something felt off. You were alone. No people, cars, sounds. No noise of any kind. Nothing. _I'm dreaming. I think. It feels too real to be a dream. Am I going crazy?_ You sat on the couch, wondering if maybe you had imagined everything. You don't feel like yourself. You feel empty, but not, like there's something else taking hold deep inside of you. _Something... Someone._ A deep sorrow fuels the insurmountable pain in your heart. Forever haunted, damned by your own demons. A fire burns in your soul, so deep-rooted, your entire being will ultimately be consumed by it's flames. Eyes being open and seeing for the first time.... Something is awakening inside of you...

A familiar scent catches your attention. It doesn't register at first... A mix of amber, vanilla, some sort of spice and...leather, maybe? _What is that? It's so close..._

You're suddenly aware of someone else's presence. _Am I fucking dreaming or not?_ Looking out the window to see if maybe anything has changed. Footsteps. So very close to you now. _Why can't I remember?_ You aren't shying away from them though. You're not afraid. _What is happening?_ Hair slowly being moved to one side, soft kisses being placed all over that certain spot on your neck... Stifling a soft moan that's trying to escape your lips. It sends shock waves throughout your body, to places you had forgotten about. You're pulled close for a warm embrace. For once, you didn't flinch. Your skin didn't crawl. _Unnaturally warm._ You notice the hands under your own when they rest them on your stomach. _Wait, what?... The rings..._ Then you felt it. _Oh fuck..._

Eyes struggling to open, barely able to move, you're slowly coming to, vaguely aware that someone is trying to wake you. You were slipping back into your mini coma until you felt someone's hand graze yours and it instantly jolted you up. Cerulean eyes are looking at you....

_"Hi."_

"You scared me." Breathing heavy.

_"Sorry."_

Sitting up makes you feel dizzy, like the entire room is spinning, everything is hazy, like you've been drugged. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_

_"Waking up can be a little difficult when you aren't used to it."_

Confusion written on your face, you can barely think with how terrible you're feeling. Like you're going through withdrawals.

"Used to what?"

_"You weren't exactly sleeping peacefully. So, I helped."_

"You...helped?"

_"Made sure you actually slept."_

A sudden wave of nausea hits hard. Head is spinning worse than before and it's getting hard to focus...

"What does that mean? I fell asleep in here, on my own. You weren't here."

_"Didn't need to be."_

His cryptic responses were agitating, triggering a physical response.

_"I know it's not easy. If you let me-"_

"I think I'm gonna throw up."

Before you can even move, he already has the waste basket in front of you. Not a second later, you were unceremoniously throwing up like you were possessed. It felt good to let everything out. Goosebumps errupted on your skin. Slowly, everything came back into focus...

_"Better?"_

"Much, actually. Um, I'd burn this coat if I were you."

He lets out a small chuckle.

"How long was I asleep?"

_"A little over a day."_

_A fucking day?_

_"Yes. A fucking day."_

You just glared at him in response.

"Could you, I don't know, not do that?" Anger laced in your words

_"Do what?"_

"Not listen in on my every thought. You've practically seen me naked, I'd like to have something remain private. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but, to someone like me, it's really all I've got. You know?"

It seems to have clicked. Like a child realizing they've made a mistake, he lowers his eyes and a look of regret washes over his features.

 _"Forgive me. I won't do it again. Unless you give your permission."_ Eyes meeting yours.

"Thanks." You say softly. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

_"Why wouldn't I be?"_

"You don't exactly strike me as the type to be nice to anyone, unless it's for personal gain."

_"There's a first time for everything..."_

"...I suppose there is."

Silence fills the room, but it's no longer an uncomfortable feeling.

_"I have work to do. I'll come back when I'm done."_

"Don't. You don't have to."

Michael gives you a look as if he's offended at your refusal. You don't like being watched over like a child. There was something about Michael's presence that makes it seem different, in a way. Everything about him was domineering, you're approval makes you feel like you're submitting, and you're not sure how to take it. You sigh as you give in. He smirks as he knows he's won.

_"You owe me a rematch, by the way."_

"What?"

_"You're the only person that's ever beaten me in chess before. One of these days, I want my rematch."_

"Oh. Consider it done."

He leaves suddenly, you aren't sure if you'd ever get used to that. With him now gone, you decide to get yourself showered and cleaned up. You first have to prepare yourself for the moment of truth. Stripping your clothes off to see whatever damage was left in the wake. Just as you thought, bruises decorated your lips, hips, thighs, wrists and somehow your neck. You aren't even sure how you got those. Maybe when you momentarily blacked out. You thought you'd be ok. Until it all came flooding right back looking at every purple mark on your skin. No amount of showers will wash away the shame and disgust that's left on you. You give up for today.

You spent most of the day lying in bed. You slept for over 24 hours, yet you still felt exhausted. You were close to falling back into another deep slumber when you hear a knock on your door. You knew it wasn't Michael. _Who the fuck is bothering me?_

It was Mallory.

"Hey Y/N, Venable said you were sick and had to stay in bed for a few days so I'm bringing you dinner."

_So that's the bitch's story..._

"Oh, thanks, Mal."

"Are you feeling ok? You look..."

"Like shit?"

"I was gonna say tired."

"Yeah, I'm pretty tired actually. Um, I can swallow this gross cube down really quick so you don't have to come back."

"Don't be silly, I don't mind."

You swallowed down the disgusting gelatinous cube with minimal gagging.

"There. Saving you the trouble of making another trip. It should keep Venable off your ass too."

"Thanks, Y/N. Feel better. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thanks."

\-----------------------------------

Attempting sleep again was pointless. The longer you laid there, the more aware you became of the soreness of your own body. It just made you angry. Eventually you gave up and sat by the small fireplace in the room. Didn't even bother setting yourself up in a comfy spot, just sat down on the bare floor and stared at the flames. You didn't move. Your legs would go numb. Just a quick shift here and there as to not lose circulation, but that's as far as you went. You'd put your hands close to the flames. Not enough to actually burn, but enough to feel your skin get hot. It felt nice to feel something. Anything. The bruises on your wrists peeking through your sleeves everytime you'd move your hand close to the fire. Tears pooling in your eyes, threatening to fall any second. _Why can't I fucking stop this? I just want it to go away..._

It could have been mere minutes or several hours that you sat there, repeating the same action, over and over again, you don't even know anymore. Time seemed to stop. Engrossed by the heat of the fire, you didn't notice Michael standing behind you. Only made his presence known minutes later when he heard your quiet sniffling.

 _"How long have you been sitting here?"_ He asked softly

"I honestly don't know."

You can hear him doing something behind you but don't care enough to see what. Not like you have much of interest anyway. An unusual sound caught your attention. _Is that glass? What the fuck is he doing?_ He came and sat in a chair next to you, handing you a glass.

_"Something to take the edge off. Figured you could use it."_

You could smell the alcohol. You knew it. You've drank it before. You brought the glass to your lips and slowly savored the liquid on your tongue, the slight burn going down your throat. _Fuck I needed this._

"I didn't peg you as a scotch drinker."

 _"You know your alcohol."_ Raising an eyebrow.

"The bar my girlfriends and I used to frequent had the same regulars, the same old guys who drank this. They'd let us try their drinks to get us to not order 'girly shit' as they called it. I was the only one that took a liking to any of it. I would think things like this would be pretty much gone from existence."

_"Just one of my many ways."_

"Hm."

You decide to just down the rest of your glass. After the 2 days you've had, you needed it. Michael's already refilling both glasses. _So that's how this night's gonna go...._

"Drinking is definitely more cathartic than crying."

_"I think most would agree with that."_

You aren't pacing yourself at all. Already having downed your second glass, your cheeks are already starting to feel warm. You're starting to relax for the first time in forever. Maybe that was Michael's intention.

"Can I ask you something?"

_"Go ahead."_

"Did you always know what you are? That you're...whatever you call yourself?"

 _"Satan's spawn. The devil's son. I've been known by many names."_ He pours you another glass. _"No, I didn't always know. It wasn't until my adoptive mother came into my life that I found out who I really was, what my purpose in this world was."_

"And what purpose was that?"

 _"To wipe the slate clean. Create a new world... completely remade in my father's image."_ He quickly retorted.

"O....k. So, how's that working out for you?"

He looks at you slightly amused, seeing that the alcohol is affecting you.

_"That definitely wasn't the question I was expecting."_

"It was a genuine question. So it's safe then, to assume that all this is your doing?"

 _"Yes."_ he says hesitantly.

"Well. That's some heavy shit." Taking another sip from your glass. "I still stand by what I said before. I still believe most of us deserved to burn. I had no one left before all this happened , so I guess that's why none of this makes no real difference to me, on an emotional level anyway."

 _"I didn't either."_ He whispered.

"What about your mother?"

_"My adoptive mother was killed before all this."_

"Fuck. I'm sorry." You said meekly.

 _"It's alright."_ He downed his own glass and stared at it in silence for a bit. _"It's funny. You're taking this a lot better than I had anticipated."_

"At this point, what's done is done." You shrug

Now at four glasses deep, you're definitely feeling things now.

"I should probably stop drinking for now."

_"Already? I like this side of you."_

"We drank the same amount. You don't feel anything?"

_"A bit, yes. Not as much as you, obviously."_

"Shut up." A small genuine laugh escapes your mouth. It felt nice.

Thoughts start swimming in your head. Drinking always made you more inquisitive.

"Do you ever feel burdened? I can't imagine being satan's child is easy."

_"Burdened would be an understatement. I tried, for a long time, to deny what I was, but it was no use. It's what I am. I'm doing what I was made to do. It's the hand I was dealt."_

"Would you change it if you could?"

_"...I don't know. There are times where I would say 'Absolutely' and then, there are other times where I couldn't imagine being anything else. It does have its perks, but like everything, it comes at a price."_

You only nod in response. The warmth of the fire catches your attention. You go back to dancing your fingers around the flames. You start humming to yourself, completely forgetting Michael was there. You expected him to have left at some point. He didn't. Just sat quietly. Listening. One thing you did enjoy about his company, as imposing as his presence itself may be, he wouldn't really speak much unless prompted. At least with you, anyway. Your focus was lost when you saw he was still there.

_"I was enjoying being serenated, you know."_

"And I wanted to be a Disney Princess when I grew up. So it looks like we're both going to be disappointed."

 _"You could still be a princess."_ He laughs, he must finally be feeling the alcohol too.

"Yeah, ok. Not many Prince Charmings left in the world. Thanks to a certain someone."

He lets out a deep sigh. You could only laugh.

"I never planned on getting married anyway. I can't have kids so that vastly narrows down prospects."

_"Would you want them? Children?"_

"What kind of world is this to bring a child into? I love the idea of a child, but it'll never happen. It's all a moot point, for me anyway. What about you? Do you want kids? Or have to have one or something?"

_"It isn't necessary. Though it would be ideal to have an heir."_

"An heir. That's interesting. Sounds like a business deal."

_"You don't need emotional attachment to have a child."_

"That's true."

Michael's staring at you with questionable eyes. You're not sure if it's cause of the alcohol, or if he's pondering something inside his head. There's so many things you'd like to know about him. He's utterly fascinating. You're in no condition tonight though.

_"Had the end of the world not happened, how do you think you would have ended up?"_

_I thought we were keeping this relatively light. Guess not..._

"Um. I don't know. Why?"

_"Call me curious. You said you had no family left. It was just you. Did you have anyone you were close with?"_

"I had friends I was close to. I gave a lot of them up after my...first unfortunate incident..."

 _"...That's why you can't have children."_ He quickly deduced.

You nod.

"I guess it's for the best."

_"How so?"_

"Even if I were able to have kids, I'd have to be comfortable having sex. I can't even handle basic physical contact. It pretty much repulses me. When you've been used as another person's personal cum dumpster, you aren't exactly running at the chance to offer it up willingly. It also leaves you fucked up in a way that can't ever be fixed. Not many could deal with the aftermath of it and want to stay. Which is fine. I wouldn't blame them. Probably why I never bothered attempting a relationship."

Tears are forming now.

"At the end of the day, I'm a fucked up mess. I'm damaged."

You took Michael's drink out of his hand and stole a sip. He didn't protest. He offered his hand. You weren't sure why. You're starting to become comfortable with this small gesture. Only slightly. You accept after a moment. He leaves it open so you can lightly trail your fingertips on his palm. _I think he enjoys this._

 _"We're all damaged, Y/N. Even me."_ He says softly, eyes meeting yours.

_"Come on, you should lie down."_

He helps you to your feet and your immediately hit with everything at once. You start swaying.

_"Are you ok?"_

"I may have overdid it. Just a bit."

 _"A bit."_ He smirked. _"I've got you, come on."_

He slowly shuffles you to your bed and helps settle you in. You wanted to complain but didn't have it in you to argue.

"This probably sounds strange, but could you stay til I fall asleep?" You whisper.

You hear him walk around the bed, then feel it dip. He sits next to you, back leaning against the headboard.

"Thanks. I'm probably gonna feel like shit when I wake up." Eyes struggling to stay open.

_"You won't. I'll make sure of it."_

You fell asleep soon after.

When you woke up hours later, you were afraid to move thinking you were going to immediately feel sick. To your surprise, nothing. You felt fine. Like last night didn't even happen. _Wait, did I dream that too?_ You give up trying to make sense of anything anymore.

\--------------------------------

Not doing anything was driving you fucking crazy. Being a servant for 18 months, you're used to having every second of your day filled with SOMETHING. Right now, you're alone with just your thoughts and you want nothing more than to put a bullet through your goddamn head. You decide you're done being holed up in your room. You put on your uniform, pin up your hair and make your way out the door.

_I hope no one bothers me for shit._

You decide to head for the library knowing it's usually empty. Keeping yourself occupied in there should be easy. You'd almost made it there unseen before being noticed by the one person you didn't want to see.

"Y/N." You didn't even hear her cane. "I'm surprised to see you, out and about. Shouldn't you be...resting?"

"I've rested enough." You quickly shot back.

"I'm sure Langdon will be happy to see his little pet is back on her feet." A grin appears on her face.

_I'd love to bash your face in right about now._

You want to say so many things, but you refrain. You'll wait until the time is right. Instead, you'll play the game as you always have...

"Is there anything you need, Ms Venable? I came in here to straighten up. Unless you may need me elsewhere?" You politely smile.

She walks up to you with a fake sweet smile. You're expecting her to start demeaning you. Instead, she just offers a simple, "No" and walks away. You waited with bated breath until the echoing of the cane finally disappeared. _Why was she acting so fucking strange?_ You stood there dumbfounded until Michael's voice startles you.

_"Surprised to find you in here."_

"Do you enjoy scaring the shit out of me?"

_"You make it so easy."_

"Funny."

_"Why are you here?"_

"I don't like sitting around for too long with just my own thoughts. In my personal experience, it's never lead to anything good. Idle hands....." You shrug.

_"Did you sleep well?"_

"I did."

He's staring at your neck. It didn't click at first until you realized that the bruises on your neck are probably still visible on your skin and are showing. _Shit. Venable probably saw too, maybe that's why she was acting strange._

_"You don't have to do anything, you know. You can wait until those are gone."_

"I'm going crazy sitting in a fucking room all day. There's no need for me to be a hermit, I'm fine."

_"Ok."_

Maybe he felt your frustration, or perhaps he just didn't want to deal with you at the moment, but he didn't argue back. For the short amount of time you've known Michael, this isn't something that was in his nature. You were grateful in the moment that he let it go.

He was halfway out of the room before he spoke once more.

_"Are you coming?"_

You didn't need to say anything. He already knew your answer when he heard your footsteps following behind him.

\-------------------------

Your days have gone back to normal for the most part, except Venable seems to be keeping her distance from you for some strange reason. You wanted to ask Michael if he had anything do to with it, but at the same time, the less you knew, the better. _Don't rattle the cage._ Who would have thought you'd want the monotony of everyday outpost life now? All it took was yet another shitty circumstance, that is forever ingrained in your mind and soul, to ruin whatever sliver of dignity and self worth you had left.

The nights are where you struggled. Michael offered to help, but you refused to have a dependency on him. Even going as far as screaming in his face in a fit of crying rage. He seemed to have taken it in stride. Some nights, you laid awake just staring at the ceiling. Others, you managed to sleep, only to be woken up by fucked up dreams.

Tonight would be different. Your thoughts don't want to shut off, so many things are going on inside your head that you can't relax enough to sleep. _I can't do this shit anymore._ You lie there and just cry, feeling completely defeated. _Maybe I'm dead and this is my hell now._ The tears just keep flowing and you no longer fight to stop them. Every time you feel like you start to feel better and could stop, they start right back up again. Suddenly, you feel the bed dip next to you. You would be scared had this been a pre-apocalyptic world, but this wasn't the case, and you know exactly who it was without having to turn around.

 _"I thought you could use some company."_ He whispered.

"You don't have to. It's ok. You can go."

_"Hm."_

"I'm not your problem to fix, Michael. Just leave." Voice cracking

 _"You don't want me to leave. I can sense it. You calmed down almost instantly when you knew that I was here. Now, can you stop being a stubborn pain in my ass for once and just let me fucking help you?"_ He hissed.

You were stunned. _Why is he pissed at me? What did I miss?_ You didn't have the fight in you to argue with him. Deep down, he was a strange sense of comfort that you couldn't explain.

"Ok." Was all you could muster.

You turn around and Michael is sitting next to you, just like last time.

"Do you ever sleep?"

_"No rest for the weary."_

"...or the wicked."

_"Very true."_

You hated to admit it, but Michael just being there made you feel better. Different. It also felt stupid considering the situation you were in.

"Will you stay until I fall asleep?"

There were no words spoken, he took off his coat, and laid next to you, making sure not to touch you. Sleep took over you minutes later.

When you awoke in the middle of the night, you noticed you weren't alone. Michael was still there with you. Sleeping. You had curled yourself next to him at some point. _I hope he was already asleep before I did this._ You laid there quietly. You haven't felt another person's body in a long time that wasn't in an intrusive or abusive manner. You could faintly feel his heart beating against your back. It's almost overwhelming.

_"Y/N?"_

"...I can feel your heart beat. It's soothing." Seemingly in a trance.

He didn't say anything. Didn't move. Just laid there with you.

"You don't have to stay."

 _"I know."_ Voice low and raspy.

Michael startles you by shifting himself onto his side. As if on cue, you nestled yourself up against him. He wraps his arm around you and pulls you in close to him. The thrumming of his heart is almost in rhythm with your own. Neither of you say anything. You don't need to.

It's a dangerous game to be playing, knowing you're only a pawn in the grand scheme of things. You won't worry your head about that now. You won't be alive much longer anyway. May as well enjoy the moment. In this moment, he feels safe. He feels like home.


	5. The Perfect Drug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's probably spelling errors that I'm too lazy to fix.

_"Where did you learn to play?"_

"My dad taught me when I was little. It was something we always did together."

Michael was adament about his chess rematch. Not one for being beaten, he decided tonight was a good night to do so, but in the privacy of your room, away from watching eyes. Neither of you had spoken about what happened three nights prior, choosing to ignore it on both ends. There's no way to bring up the subject without it being awkward for either of you. You could only assume he felt the same way and was taking the same road you were on the matter.

"What about you? Who taught you?"

 _"Let's just say, I was gifted with a knowledge of many different things."_ Cocking an eyebrow.

"Must be nice. Still won't help you win this game though."

_"Don't be so sure of yourself just yet."_

"Are we not looking at the same board?"

_"Clearly, you aren't seeing what I'm seeing."_

"Are you always this arrogant when you think you have the upperhand?"

 _"Arrogant? No. Just confident."_ Smug smile on his face.

"Confidence is the food of the wise man, but the liquor of the fool. Keep that in mind, Mr. Langdon."

His eyes look up to meet yours. There's a look in them you can't describe. Now you're getting nervous when you see he won't break eye contact. You aren't sure of what to do but you don't want to appear like you're backing down in any way either.

"It's your move, Michael." You remind him.

His eyes are still fixated on you.

"What?" You nervously bite your lip.

_"You interest me."_

"I interest you? Now there's something. You're the literal Antichrist. I'm just a regular person riddled with psychological and emotional damage that uses sarcasm and self-deprecating humor to mask all of their problems. It's still your move, by the way."

He's prolonging the game, you've come to realize. You feel like there's something he's hiding.

"You could resign, instead of stalling."

_"I'm not stalling."_

"Really? I'm looking at the board. I know what moves you can make. Not looking too good for you. You can prolong it, only delaying the inevitable, or, you can resign. Your choice. Is it that hard to admit that you've lost?"

He inches closer to you as if he's going to speak, instead he just sighs, and knocks down his king piece. _That was easier than I expected. He didn't fight me at all._

"It's just chess. Don't worry, I won't tell. Promise."

_"I know."_

"So are you finally admitting defeat? You've lost twice..."

 _"Never."_ A grin flashes across his face. _"Come on, Y/N, you should know better than that."_

"There's a first time for everything."

Michael looks at you as if he's longing for something. What that something is, you don't know, but you know for a fact it isn't something you could help with. _I wonder what it is that he's desperately searching for?_

_"I want to show you something."_

"Ok." Feeling unsure.

_"You're nervous."_

"I may be a little apprehensive."

 _"There's no need to be. Come here."_ Walking towards the bed.

Your heart starts racing. _What the fuck is about to happen?_ Nausea hits you like a brick.

_"Relax. I can feel your heart beating. It's nothing like that."_

"...It's just my natural response, I can't help it. Sorry."

_"This just makes it easier."_

"Ok... Are you showing me more of your cute little tricks?" A mischievous smile graces your lips.

_"Something like that. I've seen inside your personal thoughts, your memories, seen the deepest, darkest parts of your soul. I'd like to show you what I really am...who I really am. I want to show you... Me. Only if you want to, of course."_

_Holy shit._

There was no doubt what your answer would be. He probably won't offer ever again, you won't be stupid and pass it up. Though there was a part of you that wondered why he was doing it. _Everything comes at a price._

"Show me." You whisper.

 _"I need you to trust me."_ Voice pleading.

You nod.

Michael leans in close, worried look in his eyes. That's a first.

 _"Physical contact makes it easier... Just tell me it's ok..."_ Eyes looking for reassurance.

_Breathe. Just breathe._

"Go ahead. It's ok." Feeling slightly uneasy, not entirely sure what you just agreed to.

You feel Michael's hands gently cup your face. _Definitely not what I was expecting._ You won't look at him though, choosing to keep your eyes down. Focusing on your breathing. Your heart is trying to rip out of your chest with how fast it's beating. He rest his forehead against yours. You can feel his breath on your lips. _This is way too intimate._

_**Just relax. I won't hurt you.** _

"I know." You answered in a barely audible whisper.

It's quiet. Until the static starts... So loud until it feels like it's burning your ears. That feeling is back... You're slipping under. You grab a hold onto Michael's wrists before you feel yourself fade as if going to sleep. Murder, suicide, witches, warlocks, satanists, grief, abandonment, death. You see it all. Only this isn't like yours was. His are much clearer. There's parts he's not showing you. He's letting me see more than I thought he would. You weren't prepared for the emotions being thrown at you. You're feeling everything he did at the given moments.

These are recent... You start hearing the loud static again. You see yourself in this memory, you don't remember this obnoxious sound being there. You decide to follow it instead. The further you got away from where you should be inside the memory, the darker it became. It only became louder. Like it was calling for you. The more you walked, the heavier your legs felt. Ultimately, you walked into nothingness. You kept on. You felt heavy, yet weightless. Like floating in a void. The anger and dread you were feeling weren't your own. _What the fuck is going on? Why am I feeling like this?_ Your fingertips are tingling, starting to burn. Soon it spreads upwards. You feel it throughout your entire body. Clawing at your skin for relief. It's useless. It's coursing through your veins, already craving it like an addict looking for their next fix.

_Am I still in his head? No wonder he blew humanity to shit._

The lines were starting to blur. You weren't sure if you were feeling things cause they were your own, or cause of Michael's influence. It was maddening. Something was slowly taking hold of you. Dragging you down, pulling you in deeper. _I know this feeling._ You and Michael have more in common than you realize. You aren't afraid. _Why am I fighting this?_ You stop. You succumb, giving up all control. You feel him invading every one of your senses. You feel his heart beat as if it's your own. His pain, his anger, his guilt... It's all coming at you at once. They're all your own. You're suffocating. He may be powerful, but underneath it all, he's just a lost, scared, broken boy hidden under the guise of a dominating, strong-willed man. He's just as damaged as you are. If not more. It makes him seem more human, more vulnerable. It's comforting. Maybe that's why he treats you differently than the others. No one understands broken like the broken. Someone fucked up like he is. _Even the devil's son has his weaknesses, I suppose._

With that, you're back in your room, gulping down air as if you had been brought back from the brink of death. Again. Michael has a death grip on you. It's keeping you grounded so you aren't fighting it. His touch is calming. Soothing.

_"Y/N. Are you ok?"_

"That was a mind-fuck." A nervous laugh escapes your lips.

You're still trying to regain your bearings.

 _"I know it's a lot to take in."_ Carefully removing his hands away from you.

"We're all damaged right?" Offering a smile

What he asks next surprises you.

 _"Will you lay with me for a bit."_ He whispered

Without saying a word, you grab his hand and pull him up to give him the ok. You hear him shifting around a bit before getting back on the bed.

Like magnets, you two are pulled towards eachother. Something so small and insignificant has become a comfort for both of you. No need to ask why, you understood now. Both knowing why the other needed this.

_"Are you afraid?"_

"Afraid of what?"

_"Me."_

You turn to face him, managing even with his arm barely letting up on the grip he had around you to move. His eyes meet yours.

"No." You whisper.

You nuzzle yourself against him. He froze. You instantly regret it. _Maybe I shouldn't have done that._ You try to pull away slowly.

"Sorry."

 _"No, stay."_ He quickly blurted out. _"Sorry. I just-I don't know your boundaries here. Outside of this, I know my place."_

"If I'm not stopping you, or if I'm initiating it, it's safe to assume I'm fine with it. Unless you don't feel comfortable with me doing it, then that's fine. This isn't sexual so n-."

Without warning, he pulls your body flush against his. _This is a lot closer than before._ You don't question it this time. You accept it.

Neither of you will talk about this come morning. It's an unspoken agreement. During the day, you're just a gray to the Antichrist. At night, you're becoming his emotional crutch, as much as he's becoming yours.

\----------------------------------

As the days go on, you're fighting back a feeling you have deep down inside. Something you can't put your finger on. _My anxiety is fucking terrible right now. Why am I a fucking mess today?_ You can barely keep your eyes focused. Your limbs are tingling. Ears are burning... Static? Michael's voice breaks you out of your trance.

 _"Y/N?_ What are you doing?"

"What?" Visibly confused.

_"You stopped talking mid conversation and starting walking down here. I called to you several times but it's like you couldn't hear me. You don't remember?"_

You look around and notice you two are no longer in the office, but down in the chamber.

_What the fuck happened?_

_"Are you feeling ok?"_

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine. You don't need me for anything do you? I think I should - "

_"No. It's fine. Go."_

You could feel Michael's eyes burning into you as you walked away. You ignored it and walked as fast as you could.

You couldn't be bothered listening to Coco's bullshit or Andre's mouth about his dead boyfriend, so you kept moving between rooms swiftly to keep busy and undetected. Your brain wouldn't shut the fuck up though. You could feel something was off. You weren't sure what it was but your gut instincts were never wrong. It wasn't just your gut telling you, your whole body was telling you. You felt something radiating through you, deep in your bones... _What's happening to me?_ It makes no sense until a chill runs down your spine at a similar feeling you've experienced... _Michael._

The feeling got stronger when you walked towards the office. You debated on whether or not to walk in. Your body felt like it was on fire. _I can't do this right now. I need to lie down. Fuck this._ You decide to leave. You hear the doors open and see Mallory running out quickly. That can't be good. What the fuck have you done Michael? You can't deal with any of it right now and choose to just close the doors instead. Before you get the doors completely closed, you feel yourself get pulled inside, hard. Your body is slammed against the now closed door. A hand wrapped threateningly around your throat.

"WHAT THE FUCK MICHAEL!"

Michael is just staring at you. Pupils blown black.

_"It's you..."_

"Who the fuck else would it be?"

He eventually softened his grip around your neck, his eyes returning to their usual beautiful blue...

_"Y/N. I'm sorry..."_

He took his hand away painfully slow. Breathing heavy. You managed to remain calm despite almost being killed just moments ago.

"It's fine. So what happened in here?" Looking at the destroyed remnants of the office.

_"Mallory happened."_

"Mallory?" You asked shocked.

_"Seems she's been hiding a pretty big secret...Your darling friend, is a witch."_

"How did you miss something like that? Hasn't that been your whole goal? Getting rid of them or whatever?"

_"Somehow I missed one."_

"But Mallory is harmless though. She wouldn't hurt anyone."

 _"This was her doing."_ He said raising his voice

"Maybe that's what I was feeling..." You said lowly to yourself.

_"What?"_

_Shit._

_"You felt it too, didn't you?"_

"I felt something." Avoiding his gaze.

_"Come on."_

"Where are we going?"

_"I need to contact my father..."_

"What does that have to do with me?"

 _"Let's go, please."_ He scowled.

_Not sure I like where this is going._

\-------------------------

Michael took you into a room you didn't even know existed. Candles lined almost every inch of it. With a wave of his hand, they were all lit. _What the fuck could this room possibly be used for?_

You stay towards the wall, away from Michael's frantic pacing. You notice he's stripping off his clothes as he's doing so. _What the fuck?_

"Do I really need to be here for this? It doesn't seem necessary."

He's not answering you. He's too focused on the task at hand. You just stand quietly, leaving him to whatever it is he has planned. That's until you see him pull out a knife...

"Michael."

Nothing.

"Michael!"

He just looks at you, brings his finger to his lips and signals you to be quiet.

You nod and sit back against the wall. You aren't sure of what else to do. _He's naked in a room full of candles and has me watching him, this isn't fucking weird at all._

You focus on the candles next to you. Running your hand over the flames. You're really just trying to divert your eyes elsewhere and not make it obvious. He starts reciting something, your attention is once again on him when you see what the knife was for and you stare, completely mesmerized at what he's doing.

The air feels different. Something is very much off. Your anxiety is raging out of no where. That feeling is back. It's all over. You're burning. The noise. Where is it coming from? Can't focus. Can't breathe. Then you see Michael and it's like a switch flips on. Something inside you opens up that you didn't expect.

Your breathing isn't your own. You're seeing, but your eyes don't feel like yours. You hear voices but Michael's is the only one you recognize. The only one you're drawn to. Barely able to stand, you hike up your uniform and crawl over to him. He's too lost to know you're there. You sat and watch him completely hypnotized, intoxicated by the smell of blood in the air. His blood. It's drawing you in like a bitch in heat. You see his discarded knife beside you. You grab it and see it's still drenched in blood. A sound breaks you out of your trance. Something was touching you.

_Snake._

Picking it up to admire it, you were expecting it to bite you, instead, it lightly wrapped around your hand. Unbeknownst to you, Michael is now watching your every move. You put the snake down gently and focused your attention back to Michael, who was now practically face to face with you. Eyes completely black, blood adorning his naked form and your body is betraying you and responding in a way you didn't know it could.

_"I believe that's mine."_

Looking at the knife in your hands, you decide you aren't going to play nice.

"This? You didn't say please." Voice low and sultry.

You run the bloody blade flat across your tongue, licking it clean. Michael swallowed hard.

"If you want it back, you'll have to come... and get it..." You whisper.

You remove your apron and start unpinning your hair, gazing at Michael the whole time, taunting him, teasing him... Feeling his jagged breaths on your mouth, you realize he's gotten closer to you. You'll play a little dirtier...

Never leaving Michael's watching eyes, you slowly pull your dress up just enough to playfully run the knife delicately along your skin. Goosebumps form on your skin when you feel fingertips trailing your outer thigh. Thoughts are now swirling in your head. You want things you shouldn't. You feel things you never have. Michael somehow got the upperhand and he knows it. When he grins at you, you feel something stir in you.

_Challenge accepted motherfucker..._

You slowly move you hands up your thighs, stopping briefly when you reach your now soaked panties, just to gauge Michael's reaction. Once you see he's enjoying the show, you continue your little game. First just over the fabric, teasing. You feel Michael's hand digging into your thighs out of nowhere. He's more into it then you thought. You dip your fingers into your panties now. Running your fingers between your folds, massaging your clit, eliciting a moan that escapes your lips that catches close to Michael's. Fingers are exploring, gathering your wetness all over...

"Do you want a taste?" You whispered.

His eyes widened as you brought your fingers to his lips. He opened his mouth and greedily licked your fingers clean, never breaking eye contact with you. In one swift motion, his hand found your hair and gave it a hard tug, giving him full access to your throat, his lips leaving bruising marks on your skin. You're shocked when you're knocked over onto your back and Michael suddenly climbs on top of you. His heart is beating rapidly against your own...

 _"Do you know how fucking badly I want you?"_ Voice low and raspy.

"Then have me. I'm not stopping you..."

You starting working you hands down slowly, knowing how bad he's aching to be touched. Just before you get to your desired spot, he reaches down and takes your hand away.

_"You're not ready. I know you. This isn't you..."_

He gets up and doesn't say anything else before leaving. Feeling rejected, you stay behind for a bit, you go back to sitting with the candles like before, sticking your hands over the flames. The air feels cooler despite candles surrounding you. A chill runs down your spine and your stomach is in knots. You see blood on your clothes...

_What the fuck happened?_


	6. Wicked Games Pt 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fun fact, chapter titles are just songs I listened to as I wrote the chapters. These next 2 chapters are actually the first ones I wrote. It set the whole thing into motion. My brain is strange like that. This has been written for months. No shame, The Weeknd's song Wicked Games is what inspired this whole thing. Don't ask why. He just gets me in an angsty mood and then this trash fire transpired into all of this...

The death of Evie Gallant has the outpost in a strange, somber mood. They couldn't fucking stand the old hag, but death does strange things to people. You know Gallant had something to do with her death even though Michael hasn't directly told you anything. Anyone with half of a brain could connect the dots on that one.

All in all, it left for a somewhat quiet day for everyone to "mourn." _What a crock of shit._ You didn't have anything against her personally, but you weren't exactly sad she was gone either.

With Coco "comforting" Gallant, you got a chance to catch up with Mallory, which you haven't done in so long. You were avoiding her, but deep down, you missed her.

"Y/N, long time, no see."

"I know."

"It's crazy, huh? Evie dying. It's like everything's shifted since Langdon's been here. Nothing feels the same."

You awkwardly nod in agreement. Lost in your own thoughts.

She continues. "So, are you doing ok? We heard... something happened."

Now she's got your attention.

"What have you heard?" You ask nervously.

"That you were hurt. A few of us grays heard some things. Ryan is gone and you've been distant, more than usual..."

Mallory looked as if she regretted bringing it up as soon as she mentioned it.

"Clearly I'm fine. Nothing happened. Just a misunderstanding." You said maybe a bit too sharply.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." She said with a sad smile.

"No, I'm sorry, It's not your fault. I'm just having an off day and bitching at the wrong person. So, are Coco and Gallant celebrating right now, you think?" Looking to change the subject.

"You're terrible, but probably. Could be why she's not screaming for me right now. Maybe they snuck the hidden wine and are blasted right now."

"For your sake, I hope they are."

"For my sake, I hope they aren't. Coco's a puker. It wouldn't be the first time I've cleaned up her body fluids though."

"Eww. I just got the worst mental image. She's the worst."

"Tell me about it. You don't have to clean up after her."

You two spent a while just talking. Witch or not, she was someone you had grown close to. You were hoping maybe Michael was wrong. You knew deep down it wouldn't be the case, but you still hoped for it.

She eventually ventured back to her room. You knew Michael would be joining you shortly after, like he did almost every night now.

-‐----------------------------

Your thoughts are all over the place. You can't get over the feeling that something happened between you and Michael. Something doesn't feel right. _It's impossible though cause we haven't done anything. So what the fuck?_ He looks at you differently. You're not sure how to take it. Or how to feel about it. _There's nothing to feel. Why am I being like this?_

_"Rough day?"_

"Hm what?"

_"Did you have a rough day? Seems as though your mind is elsewhere."_

"No, not really. Just spaced out I guess."

_"Must be bothersome if you're actually about to lose in a game of chess without much of a fight. I barely tried."_

_Shit, he's right._

Examing the board, you have no way to win. Maybe. You don't really care at the moment. You knock down your king.

_"Resigning. Really?"_

"More like surrendering. I wasn't gonna win."

_"Hm, that's not the Y/N I know..."_

He was gazing at you. Hoping he's not reading your mind, he swore to you he wouldn't. It's probably written all over your face though...

He leans in closer.

_"What are you thinking?"_

"You could read minds. You're telling me that's not what you were just doing?"

_"I gave you my word that I wouldn't do that to you again. I haven't. Not unless you give me permission to. So, what has you so worked up tonight?"_

"I'm not worked up." You said a little too quickly

_"Really? I can feel your heart beating. Your anxiety, your fear.... I can sense it."_

Trying to unscramble your brain, you simply get straight to the point.

"What happened that night?"

He knows where this is heading.

_"What do you mean?"_

"The night during your ritual or whatever. I don't remember anything after a certain point and you won't tell me what happened. Why?"

_"Why what?"_

"Cut the shit, Michael. Why won't you tell me?"

He sighed, not expecting your reaction. Fidgeting with his hands before answering you.

_"It's not important. You just... spaced out again is all. Nothing happened."_

"If it's not important why can't you just tell me? How did I get blood all over me?"

 _"I don't know. Must have happened before I came back for you."_ Keeping his eyes averted.

"Why do I get the feeling you're lying to me?"

He then looks to you like he has something to say but not sure how to say it.

"What?"

You have a bad feeling. You had to stand to catch your breath. Michael's close proximity and unnatural warmth were making you dizzy. Walking in circles to keep your legs from going numb.

_"It wasn't you."_

You looked at him puzzled.

_"I know you well enough to know that it wasn't you in there."_

_What the fuck does that mean?_

"Wh- If it wasn't me, then who was it?"

_"I don't know."_

You're trying to remember anything you can about that night. Your memory stops at the same spot. Every single time. You don't remember anything after it. _It doesn't make any fucking sense._

"Did we fuck?"

He's shocked at how vulgar it sounded coming from your mouth.

"Don't look at me like that Michael. Did we fuck, yes or no?"

You feel like your going to vomit waiting for his answer.

_"No. I swear. I wouldn't do that to you."_

"So if we didn't, why won't you tell me what happened?"

He lets out a deep sigh.

"Something happened though, didn't it? That's why you won't tell me?"

_"I wouldn't let anything happen. I couldn't go through with it and have you hate me. I saw the look in your eyes. It wasn't you. You don't need to know details. Trust me on this."_

"I deserve to know what I did." Your voice laced with anger.

_"If you really want to know, I can show you."_

A part of you wants to know what you did. Another part of you doesn't want to know and just forget about it. But Michael knows, and it's killing you that you don't. You were the other party in it. What the fuck does he think of me? You're unsure of what to do. You decide that you need to be able to still look at yourself in the mirror. _Ignorance is bliss._

"No. I don't want to. Not right now."

_"Ok."_

"I'm sorry. For whatever it was that I did..."

You can't even look at him. You feel ashamed of yourself.

_"Y/N, look at me."_

You refuse.

_"Look at me, please?"_

He inches closer to you so you have no choice but to be face to face with him.

_"It's ok. There's nothing to be sorry for."_

"I can't help but feel disgusted with myself..." You're voice shakey and straining, trying not to cry.

_"There's no reason to be."_

Now his eyes are locked on yours. Neither of you are looking away. You almost want to let him read your mind, but it's a gamble you don't want to take either. Fearing it'll cost you too much.

It finally dawns on you... you know why you're feeling like you do. _Fuck._ You won't admit it. Won't ever say it out loud. It dies with you. How could you be so fucking stupid?

Michael reaches for your hand and you let him take it. Such a simple gesture you've gotten used to, but this time was different. The contact sent chills throughout your entire body. You decide to test the waters and take it a step further by slowly closing the gap between you two.

The air in the room suddenly feels stagnant. You can feel your heart pounding in your ears, like it's going to rip out of your chest. The inches seperating your bodies are becoming smaller by the second, so close that you can feel his shakey breath against your skin. His intoxicating scent luring you in. He cups his warm hands around your face and stares at you with a salacious look in his eyes. For a moment, you feel like you can read his mind.

Without thinking, as if acting purely on instinct, lips went crashing onto one anothers. He tasted of ultimate sin.... like everything you could want and dream of. He was alluring for a reason. He was created to be. _Was this his doing? What the fuck are you doing?_ It took every last ounce of discipline you had left to pry yourself away. Barely able to part your bruised lips to speak, the words catching in your throat.

"I shouldn't have don-"

He hungrily pushed back, greedily tasting you with his tongue. A gutteral sound escapes his mouth. The passion behind it is more than you expected, lungs gasping for air, lips intertwined not wanting to let the other go.

"Michael, I want you." Your voice low and pleading.

Pupils blown completely black, he inches closer, lips just grazing yours before finally claiming them once more. He brings your body flush to his, snaking his hands under your shirt searching for bare skin, caressing your back, carefully avoiding all the spots you were suddenly aware of. The way his fingertips tease, how his lips make your skin feel like it's on fire; it awakens something inside of you that you've never felt before. Michael must have felt it too.

 _"Stop."_ Michael startles you and pushes himself away trying to regain his composure

"I'm sorry." you managed above a whisper

_"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"_

"What do you mean?"

_"This. What the fuck are you trying to pull?"_

"I just thought - "

 _"You thought what?"_ He looked at you for a bit, perplexed at first, trying to catch his breathe. _"This... was a mistake. It didn't mean anything. I had a moment of weakness. It won't happen again."_

"A moment of weakness." Stating matter of factly. "You seem to have a lot of those around me."

His demeanor changed like a flip of a switch.

_"Let me be as clear as I know how to be, you're only here because my father needed someone. You happen to fit the criteria. Once your need has been fullfilled, you'll be discarded, like the fucking trash that you are."_

A man of few words, Michael Langdon can verbally break someone without even trying. His acid laced words would only get worse once his ego has been bruised.

"And what 'need' is that?"

 _"Classified."_ He said with a smug face.

"Fuck you."

He's getting under your skin. He's reveling in it. Seemingly in a trance, he's slowly circling you like a predator to a prey.

None of you spoke. The gears were going in your heads, both calculating your next moves. The silence was deafening.

 _"Are someone's feelings hurt?"_ He asked mockingly.

"Not at all." It was a lie. You both knew it. "Why does it matter?"

_"It doesn't."_

"Hm. Then, I guess we're done here, aren't we?"

You both played this game for a bit. Heading down a road you may not be able to come back from.

Neither of you were going to let the other have the last word. He wouldn't let you have that so easily. It wasn't in his nature. The control would always be his, this ended when he saw fit.

You decide to finally give up and walk away to give him the hint that you were done, maybe he'd take it and leave. Nothing with Michael is easy.

_"You know what your problem is, Y/N? You've been used, abused... left broken, thrown away, as if you were nothing. Never known what it's like to feel loved by anyone, so you latch on to the first person to show you the tiniest sliver of kindness. You cling to them, like a leech."_

He stops to admire your face. The hurt he sees in your eyes, trying to hold in the tears that are pooling. Your short, sharp breaths. He wants to hurt you. Punish you. He wants to hate you...

 _"You were about to spread your legs for me... practically begging to become my personal cum rag. All because I showed you some affection."_ He let's out a sadistic laugh. _"You're pathetic."_

He's fighting dirty. You were caught off guard. How or why it got to this point is lost on you now.

_Two can play this game motherfucker..._

"I'm pathetic?" You scoff. "Pot meet kettle. Need I remind you that it's you that comes here every night to sleep beside me? It's always you clinging to me in the middle of the night. You come looking for me. Who's really trying to fuck who here? You're a fucking bastard, you know that? For someone who is "just a piece of fucking trash," you spend a lot of your time with me. Who knew Satan's spawn would be such a needy little shit. It's no wonder everyone in your life abandoned you."

It seems you've struck a nerve. His breathing had become erratic. Clearly annoyed and angry with you. Once that fucking smirk appeared on his face, it was over.

_"Tell me, did you enjoy it when that gray was fucking you? Secretly enjoy being chained up while he had his go at your used cunt? Were those tears of yours actually tears of joyful, fucked out bliss? Hmm?"_

You weren't expecting him to stoop this low. Actually, you should have expected it. It's his game. As much as you tried to fight it, tears were escaping, streaming down your face. You refused to speak, knowing the second you did, you'd completely fall apart. You'd wait until he was gone to breakdown, having too much pride to let him see you so vulnerable again.

Everyone has a breaking point. Michael delivers the final low blow that would be yours.

_"You seem to just give it away for free. I suppose I could take my turn at you... But I won't. You disgust me."_

He inches close enough to your face that you can feel his warm breath. Cocking his head to the side; voice just above a whisper.

_"I would never fuck a whore like you."_

That did it. He knew it. You slapped him across his face. Hard. The tears in your eyes were freely falling now. There was no holding them back anymore. The lump in your throat made it hard to breathe while you attempted to choke down the urge to breakdown.

"Get the fuck out." You managed to say with a steady voice.

You expected him to kill you on the spot, but he just stood there, stoic as ever. He couldn't even look you in the eyes. _Maybe he regrets it. Doubtful._ Michael has too much pride for regret and made it abundantly clear that you meant nothing. You decide not to dwell on it. What's done is done. It was a losing game no matter how it was spun.

He disappears from sight; a noticable shift in the air is all that remains. Cold. Empty. You breathe a sigh of relief before the inevitable sobbing starts. His lingering scent, that had become a form of comfort, now feels suffocating. You'll put on your brave face when you wake. You have no choice. _He'll be gone soon, and I'll be dead._ Everything will be over with soon enough.

You succumb to sleep with those thoughts weighing heavy on your mind.

\-------------------------

 _ **'What the fuck have I done?'**_ \- Michael keeps replaying the moments in his mind. Regret setting in now that the adrenaline has worn off. Frustrated, he pours himself a glass of scotch and sits in front of the fireplace to think.

 _ **'It was a fucking mistake'**_ \- he rationalized at first.

_**'It was supposed to be business'** _

_**'I shouldn't have gotten so close'** _

_**'I shouldn't have f'**_ \- he stops himself before completing the thought....

Four glasses later - he's using every bit of self control not to go crawling back to her. It's become a game now. One he's determined not to lose.

He will never admit out loud how he aches to be near her. How badly he wanted to claim her, mark her, to know what it feels like to be inside of her. Just thinking about it made him hard. Palming himself over his pants to alleviate some of the tension, he keeps thinking about the lust he saw in her eyes. It was the first time she'd looked at him like that, the real her, not whatever was inside her that night, and he was secretly hoping it wouldn't be the last. "I want you." He keeps hearing her words in his head. The level of self restraint it took not to completely ruin her right then and there was immeasurable.

_**'What the fuck have I been reduced to? When did I become so fucking weak?'** _

It enticed him - The storm that rages within her that only he can sense; a darkness, much like his own, hidden deep within her broken soul. It's what drew him in. Like a moth to the flame.

_**'Pure yet so utterly fucking tainted...'** _

The alcohol induced haze only intensified the feelings he was attempting to drown.

He shouldn't love the way her body feels against his. The sound of her voice, her scent, the way her lips tasted. No, he shouldn't want any of it. Yet, he does. He wanted it all. He wanted her.

\----------------------------

You wake the next day, feeling as if you're hungover. Hoping the day will be over as quickly as possible, you get up and attempt to wash your face of the exhaustion and shame you feel is written all over it. Catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, trying to catch your breath... "Breathe... Just breathe. This shit day will be over with soon enough..." Trying to give yourself the gumption to leave the confines of your room before Venable comes looking for blood.

You're not in any kind of mood to deal with anyone, but you can usually manage to work and stay mostly out of sight. Today wouldn't be so kind to you. Mead caught you on your way down the hall to meet Mallory. _Shit._

"Y/N, Langdon requested these be put in his room." _Fuck._

"Ok." - You stood there hesitantly

"Is there a problem?"

"Oh, um no, no problem. I'll bring them right over."

"Alright. Make it quick. Don't want to keep him waiting."

"Yes, ma'am."

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck._ You were hoping for a quiet day where you could stay hidden and not have to see Michael if you could help it. The day just started and you were already being thrown into the lions den. You were hoping to find another gray to hand the deed off too. Mallory was already retrieved and busy with Coco and you could hear Venable chewing out others somewhere else in the outpost. You were screwed. You were Michael's gray, you didn't have much of a choice. _Just breathe. Just breathe._

You walked slow, as if you were walking off the plank of a ship to your watery death. Unsure if he was in his room or not, you try to keep your steps light as you approach his door. Not that it mattered, he'd know if someone were there or not. Standing and staring for an uncomfortably long time, you finally work up the courage to knock twice.

"Langdon, may I come in?" - your words come out more of a whisper can you had intended on.

No answer.

You didn't exactly want to open the door yourself. Admitting defeat, you turn your heel and start walking away when you hear the doorknob slowly turn and the door crack open. _Shit._ I should have walked away faster. But I don't need Mead finding me still standing here with this shit still in my hands. You make your way back towards the door with shakey hands and bated breath. Knocking once more to make your presence known. "Hello?" Still nothing. So you slowly open it to let yourself in. Michael wasn't in there and you were thankful. You quickly did you what had to, closed the door and left. Maybe he was avoiding you too.

\-----------------------------

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. You could hear Coco bitching about her usual shit, Gallant about to have his usual breakdown... The same stupid shit, day in and day out. Thank god for Mallory, she was the only company you enjoyed keeping. You didn't tell her much yet she didn't press you for anything either. It was a good balance. One you needed. Everyone had gone to their rooms for the night, Mallory and yourself staying in your room for a bit to escape. You really didn't want to be alone.

"How has Coco been today?"

"You know how she is."

"Fucking useless?"

Mallory chuckled, "Something like that. You have it pretty easy though right? Being Langdon's gray? What's that like?"

"Um it's easy, I guess? I mean, it's not permanent like you are with Coco, maybe that's why I don't find it as daunting. He doesn't ask for much. Rather be left alone. That's really all there is." Hoping to change the subject quickly.

"I wish I had it that easy."

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok. It's not your fault."

"You're a better woman than I am. I would have drowned her in the tub by now. Or slit her throat." Mallory's eyes widen at your words. "Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. You just don't deserve the bullshit way she treats you"

"I know. I'm not mad. Believe me, there are times I think of dark things too. Maybe not like THAT, but...."

She looks at me intently for a minute before speaking again. "Have you ever done anything like that before?"

She didn't know your past. None of them did. Nor will they ever. "No. I could never live with myself If I did." It wasn't a lie. You couldn't.

"I couldn't either."

You both sat silently for a bit.

"You're a good person Mal."

"So are you." She smiled at you.

That was a lie, you couldn't tell her that though.

\--------------------------------

It had been a few days. You and Michael hadn't crossed paths. You weren't sure if anyone had seen him. Maybe he quietly left and didn't say anything. _Oh well. What's done is done._ You'll just ignore it. That's how you always handled things. This wouldn't be any different.

"I'm telling you, it was him. Who the fuck else could it had been?" "Jesus Christ, Gal, you're still on this shit?" You hear Gallant and Coco whispering to eachother "I know it was him, I just know he's into me, I could tell during my interview. He totally fucking wants me." "At least he wants one of us. He didn't seem all that interested in me." _Ahhh talking about Michael. Again. Good luck there guys. It's been weeks. Get the fuck over it._

Deciding you were done hearing this conversation, you make your way to the library. Hoping to find some solace. Away from people, from noise. Venable caught you before you made it there. _This can't be good._

"Y/N, strutting off somewhere important?"

"No. Just heading to the library. I've straightened everything up out here already."

Venable eyes you suspiciously.

"Aren't you Landgon's pet? Shouldn't you be waiting on him for anything he may need?"

You weren't liking her insinuating tone. You could have bit back, but decided not to, even though you wanted nothing more than to smack the nasty look off of her face.

"He hasn't asked for anything. I didn't want to hover and Cooperative business is not a grays concern. I figured it best for me not to be around him unless he specifically needed me for anything. Unless he's unsatisfied and there is an issue that needs to be addressed that I'm unaware of?" You answered sharply.

She doesn't seem too impressed with that answer.

"No. That'll be all. Floors need cleaning. I suggest you get started."

"Yes, ma'am."

She sound of her cane echos as she disappears from view. You just have to survive dinner hour and she should retreat to her little secret rendezvous with Mead they have every so often. At least no one will be bothered tonight.

\-------------------------

Sleep wasn't something you were getting much of the last week or so. Try as you might, it just didn't happen. You knew Venable was probably already passed out from another one of her "champagne and dress up" parties in her room so you can safely leave yours and make your way down to the piano. It's your secret escape. One of the few hidden talents you had. You missed music. Listening to the same song for 18 months straight was enough to drive anyone fucking crazy.

You can hear Emily and Timothy having fun in her bedroom as you roam the halls. You were happy for them. They love eachother. At least someone around here is happy. The rest of the outpost seems dead. Still no Michael. The nights are when you notice his absence. _Don't._ You quicken your pace, trying to remain as light on your feet as possible.

You look around, make sure the coast is clear and sit down to admire the beauty of the keys. It's been a while since you've been able to sit and play. Small things such as this, being able to do something you enjoyed? Those moments are pretty much none existant. We're stuck living in a time where almost nothing exists anymore so all we have left is time. Time to do anything, yet nothing at all. _The irony._ You tap a few keys to reacquant youself. _Still sounds beautiful. These assholes probably wouldn't appreciate it anyway._

You play one of your favorites. Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. The beginning is so hauntingly beautiful. _Sleep be damned. My mental health depended on this tonight. Maybe my heart does too. A little._ You continue for a bit until you're suddenly aware of the strange air in the room and it brings you to a halt. Looking around, seeing no one around, you chalked it up to being paranoid and decided to play once more before heading to bed.

Absentmindedly playing on the keys, humming to yourself, you kept getting the feeling that you were being watched. _Stop being a crazy bitch, Y/N. Everyone in the world is literally dead except for the people in this fucking bunker._ You start playing a familiar song you once loved, keeping the pace by humming the words in your head.

You were broken out of your trance by a sudden pounding in your brain. Vision going cloudy, like you've been drugged. Then, came the noise. Your ears feel like they're bleeding. Static. You slowly make your way towards the hall, turn the corner and stop dead in your tracks when you hear something out of the ordinary. The static stopped. The whispers made their way in. _What the fuck?_

You need to follow it. You don't have a choice. Everything in your body is telling you to go. Your body is craving the feeling in the air. Goosebumps line your skin. Something is luring you in...

The deeper you walked into the dwellings of the outpost, the louder the voices became. First inaudible; in a language you didn't understand, now becoming more distinct.

_**"Come and find me..."** _

Head pounding, eyelids becoming heavy as you feel like you're no longer in control of your own body. You only have one thing on your mind before you succumb to whatever has a hold on you...

_Michael._


	7. Wicked Games Pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two scenarios happening at once and it comes back together at the end during an interesting moment

When you're little, you dream about what your life will be like when you're finally grown up, when you're a real adult. That you'd have your life together. Maybe travel, you'll fall in love, get married, have kids. Grow old with the love of your life and eventually, die. That's the dream, right? You never imagined this would be how your life would pan out. Damaged beyond repair, experienced death a few times over... and now? You may be dead once more? You aren't sure anymore. It's dark. Warm. Reminiscent of a place you've been before, only it's not possible. _I must have finally gone crazy and I'm stuck in my own head._ It's surprisingly peaceful...  
  
\-----------------------------  
  
You wake up with a pounding headache. You feel strange. Exhausted, yet invigorated. You feel like a different person. Revitalized in a way you couldn't explain. You can feel something coursing through your veins... Whatever it is, made its home inside of you. Now, you feel whole. As if this is who you were meant to be. Like this, you have no pain, suffering, heartbreak. Nothing. You feel nothing, have nothing. Just yourself and the feeling of finally being free. Free of all the guilt, the resentment, the hurt. Whatever this is... Whoever this is... makes it all go away. You finally escaped your demons...  
  
You peel yourself off the floor, get back on your feet and slowly start making your way back to your room before anyone sees you in your barely there robe. It's so quiet down here compared to the rest of the outpost. You decide to take your time, it's not everyday you can stroll around like this. Humming to yourself, running your hand along the cool stone of the wall as you walk along, you're broken out of your daze when you hear something unusual... _Moans? Someone is fucking down here..._  
  
You were going to ignore it, not one to pry in anyone's business, but when you hear the voice... you know exactly who it is. You decided to have a little fun...  
  
Making your way to where the sounds were coming from, you made sure to remain as quiet as possible. Interrupting people is rude, after all. You were still going to, of course, just waiting for the right moment. You can feel something thrumming in your fingertips... It was radiating throughout your entire body. Swirling inside your head... _I feel you..._  
  
You stand quietly in the dark doorway of the torture chamber, cause of course this is where he would be, listening to the sounds of grunts and groans. You wonder who the lucky person is. You wait a few, then decide to make your presence known... You walk up slowly...  
  
Michael felt you right away and froze in the moment.  
  
"Please, don't stop cause of me. Personally, I was enjoying the show. But you know, if you're going to be down here fucking, the least you could do is keep it down. Some of us are trying to sleep." You smirk.  
  
The lucky girl is Heather. Another gray. _He has a type._  
  
"So you do fuck whores after all, hm?" A dark laugh escapes you mouth.  
  
You give them both a look over before turning around and walking away.  
  
_"Y/N. Wait."_    
  
_I hooked him._ Smiling to yourself.  
  
You turn and see poor Heather's face is one of hurt and confusion. He doesn't even look in her direction before he tells her to leave. She's not happy about it, you can tell. She's going to explode any second.  
  
"Are you serious? What is so important that she can't wait?"  
  
_"Leave. Now."_ Voice booming.  
  
She's observing the stare down that's occurring between you and Michael. Trying to deduce what's going on.  
  
"Are you fucking him too, Y/N?!"  
  
"No hun, he's all yours." Your eyes never leaving Michael's. Amusement in your voice.  
  
She directs her attention back to Michael. _You're better off dealing with me, at least I'll make it quick..._ With the flick of your finger, you snap her neck. Michael looks at you horrified at what he just witnessed. His eyes searching yours for some kind of explanation for what he just saw.  
  
"What? You pretty much wiped out all of humanity and you're shocked that I killed someone in front of you? Bring her back if you're that concerned about it. Though you have to admit, she was an annoying pain in the ass." You said non chalantly.  
  
Michael feels something different about you. He won't physically get too close so he's resorting to doing his usual intimidation tactic. Circling around like a shark, waiting to attack. Only this time, you have some leverage. Before, you could only feel intimidated in his presence. Now you could feel the power he possessed. You didn't have to be near him to feel the magnitude of it. It's triggering something in you. You couldn't help but take it all in and get a high on the energy he gave off. It was addicting. _No wonder he has such a hard on for that witch Cordelia._  
  
_"Who are you?"_  
  
"You know who I am."  
  
Michael isn't as amused as you are.  
  
_"You're in Y/N's body, but you aren't her."_  
  
"Of course it's me, Michael. Who else would it be?" Voice almost mocking. You smile.  
  
He transmutates behind you, wrapping his hand around your throat. You're enjoying this a little too much.  
  
_"I'm not going to ask again. Who the fuck are you? You aren't Y/N."_  
  
"Y/N is here. Deep down. I'm just part of her subconscious mind. The part you disturbed when you let her in. All that darkness... It's like a poison. Slowly seeped in, made a mess. Made her more... susceptible, to certain things. She is only human, what did you think would happen?"  
  
_"Why can't I sense her. Where is she?"_  
  
"She's safe. Being welcomed with opened arms."  
  
\---------------------------------  
  
Is it falling if you never actually fell? Would it just be floating? That's what this feels like. Floating. Eternal floating. It's peaceful. Serene. The longer you stay still, the more you can feel yourself slipping under, into nothingness. You wanted to. Wanted the void to consume whatever was left of your soul. You had no need for it anymore. You were tainted. Dirty. You weren't one of God's awarded few. No. You learned. You were one of the pawn's he traded when he saw your soul would be beyond redemption.  
  
Is he laughing at you now? Seeing how far you've fallen? Knowing he was right to abandon you? You don't blame him. You would. You do. You deserved it. Salvation would never be yours. But peace can be.  
  
You feel as though your lying on something. Being so wrapped in your own head, you hadn't notice you're in a room now. Where did this come from? It's dark, save for a huge fireplace going. Seems strange considering the stifling heat in the room. Obsidian floors, black marble columns. _It's beautiful here._    
  
You stand up to admire it all. An unfamiliar voice echoes behind you in the shadows.  
  
_**"So I finally see what all the fuss has been about."**_  
  
You look around and see no one.  
  
"What?"  
  
**_"The one my son has been trying to sink his teeth into."_**  
  
"Me?" You asked completely confused. "I think you have the wrong person."  
  
**_"Y/N, yes I know exactly who you are. You were here at one point, before my son took you for himself..."_**  
  
"He didn't take me for himself. Who are you? Where am I?"  
  
_**"You still don't know? Or do you know and just can't bring yourself to say it?"**_ Amusement apparent in his voice.  
  
At that point you knew. You knew exactly who you were speaking to.  
  
"Am I dead?"  
  
_**"No. Just visiting. I admit, seeing you like this, up close, I can see why my son is so enamored with you. I can feel the disgusting pureness still lingering around in your soul. Almost makes me want to keep you here for myself."**_  
  
_What's he gonna do to me?_  
  
"You can see me?"  
  
_**"Of course."**_  
  
You were curious to know what he looked like. You've read the books, heard the stories, seen depicted pictures. It's not everyday you could say you've seen Satan in the flesh.  
  
"Can I see you?"  
  
_**"My true form can be quite jarring for someone like yourself."**_  
  
"It's ok, I don't mind."  
  
_**"Perhaps a more human form first, at least to properly introduce myself. Something you'll find... Enticing."**_  
  
"...Ok. It's really not necessary."   
  
You felt queasy. A chill ran down your spine when you heard footsteps approaching. You had to talk yourself up into turning around, preparing yourself for what you might see. _Maybe it won't be so bad._ You were left breathless at the sight in front of you.  
  
It felt like a slap in the face.  
  
_**"See something you like?"**_  
  
His voice has the same allure to it as Michael's. _Must be a family trait._  
  
"Not particularly."  
  
_**"I went with your desires, my dear. This is it."**_  
  
"Then I need to up my standards." You quipped.  
  
_**"Ouch. You're a little spitfire, aren't you?"**_  
  
You shrug your shoulders.  
  
_**"Maybe this will help..."**_  
  
_His voice. Bastard._  
  
"Like I said, not necessary."  
  
You cut right to the chase.  
  
"Why am I here?"  
  
_**"You brought yourself here. I had nothing to do with it. Somehow you found a way. I'm assuming Michael had something to do with that."**_  
  
_None of this makes any fucking sense._  
  
"I don't understand how. I'm nothing like your son. I have no way of knowing how to do... This. If he was so fucking smart, he could do this instead of those stupid fucking rituals..."  
  
He's intently staring at you.  
  
"Sorry." You said meekly.  
  
_**"I take it you don't agree with his methods?"**_  
  
"No. He's arrogant. Selfish. Too concerned over little details to see the big picture. It'll be his downfall. And quite frankly, his mommy AND daddy issues really shaped him out to be a fucking mess. I'm a fucking mess, I know one when I see one. If I were in his position right this second, everyone in that fucking outpost would be dead by now. Too much for the dramatics, the theatrics of it all. There's no need for it. You may have blessed him physically and egotistically with a huge dick, but what he really needs is a fucking brain and common sense."  
  
_**"You have a lot to say. Someone's done their homework."**_  
  
"No, just spent enough time with him to know him. He's easy enough to read."  
  
_**"Michael's faults lie within his emotions. There are times he acts purely on emotion and not on rationality. I think he's too human sometimes."**_  
  
"Considering what he is, I guess you're right."  
  
You can't look at his face. You've barely looked at him the entire conversation. You stare off into the fireplace instead. _Seems strange to have a fireplace with how warm it is._  
  
He's slowly circling you, admiring your form. Your long flowing silk dress is beautiful but leaves very little to the imagination. _No wonder he's pretty much fucking me with his eyes. I'm almost naked._ You'd be lying to yourself if the thought didn't cross your mind for a quick second. You collected yourself when you remembered who you were in front of. _What the fuck is wrong with me? I've never had these thoughts before..._  
  
_**"The feelings that are stirring inside of you are... tempting."**_  
  
"I'm sorry?" You asked nervously.  
  
_**"Is that why you can't look at me? Can't look into the face of the one thing you truly desire?"**_  
  
Why is this relevant? Where did that come from?  
  
"I have no desires." You bite.  
  
_**"Everyone does. Even you."**_  
  
"Mine aren't physical."  
  
_**"Clearly they are. I can practically taste your wet cunt in my mouth right now. I'm sure looking at my son's face is helping move that along, isn't it?"**_ He asked seductively.  
  
"What is it that you want exactly?" You whisper. Embarrassment etched across your face.  
  
_**"You came here. It should be I that asks you."**_ He comes closer to you. _**"Has he ever touched you?"**_ He whispered.  
  
Your heart starts racing. You feel his body behind you.  
  
"No. Why would he? Why would you even ask that?"  
  
_**"I can tell. You ache for his touch."**_ Running his fingers down your arm. **_"I'm enjoying watching you unravel."_**  
  
You're cursing yourself for your body responding the way it is. Then you remember the company you're in. This is exactly how it goes. You don't stand a chance here. This is like Michael, but worse. Much worse. He's almost fucking you with just his voice. _If Michael himself had been like this with me, would I be just as tempted?_  
  
"You aren't him." You push back.  
  
**_"I'll give you everything he won't. I'll relieve you of all of your pain and suffering..."_**  
  
"But at what cost? I know there's a catch. What do you gain from my being here?"  
  
He doesn't say anything at first and it makes you almost physically ill from worry.  
  
  
‐-----------------------------------  
  
_"That still doesn't answer my question."_  
  
"Don't worry. She's just having a visit with your father."  
  
_"My father?"_ He asked shocked.  
  
"He seems to be just as, infatuated, with her as you are. Like father, like son."  
  
_"How is that possible? What could he possibly want with her?"_  
  
"Maybe he offered her a seat on his "throne." If you catch my drift." Laughing to yourself.  
  
Michael tightened up the grip against your throat.  
  
"Someone can't take a joke. You realize this is still her body, you can harm her if you aren't careful."  
  
_"Bring her back."_ He growled.  
  
"It's not up to me. She has to decide if she wants to. If she decides to give up her soul... She's gone for good. You fucked up pretty bad."  
  
_"What?"_  
  
"I can hear your thoughts. I wonder if poor Heather knew you were thinking of Y/N the entire time you were fucking her. Probably not. You know, if you wanted to get your dick wet, Y/N would have been more than willing."  
  
His heart is racing against your back.  
  
"How do you stand it? Having her body so close..." You slowly lean your body into his.  
  
His breathing is picking up.  
  
"...and not being able to touch." You whisper.  
  
He watches you bring your hand to massage your breast, you can feel him growing hard against you. You smirk in response.  
  
He swallows hard as his hand tightens slightly once more around your neck.  
  
"I told you, be careful..."  
  
You can get away. You're choosing not to. You're toying with him.  
  
He lets you go.  
  
"I'm sure she'll come back. There is one thing that hell doesn't have... Something she wants..." You say playfully.  
  
_"And what's that?"_ He said through gritted teeth.  
  
_Someone's angry._  
  
You turn to look at him. His anger is showing through. You lightly graze his face and he instantly softens to your touch.   
  
"...You."  
  
He gazes into your eyes for a moment. Searching for anything he can find in them.  
  
"You know, it surprises me how submissive you become to her touch. It's a completely different response from you touching her. Interesting."  
  
_"Get out of my fucking head. You shouldn't be able to do that..."_ He growled in your face.  
  
"You did this. You opened her up to this. It's how she was able to leave in the first place."  
  
_"I have to get her back."_ He whispered.  
  
"She'll come back when she's ready."  
  
He ignored you and left. You knew exactly where he was going...  
  
_I guess I should follow before he does something stupid. First I should get rid of Heather's body..._  
  
\--------------------------------  
  
**_"I'm not forcing you to do anything. I'm giving you a choice."_**  
  
"I just don't see what you'd get out of it."  
  
_**"My plan would be carried out, you'd finally get what you've been wanting. We both win."**_  
  
"What about Michael?"  
  
_**"He gets to rule the new world like he wanted. Everyone wins."**_  
  
You mulled it over for a bit. You were tempted. You really were. But every time you looked at his face, you couldn't pull the trigger. The person in front of you wasn't real.  
  
"I don't know what I want anymore."  
  
_**"Yes you do. You just can't bring yourself to admit it."**_  
  
"Not out loud." You whisper.  
  
He stood just gazing at you for a bit. You kept your eyes elsewhere.  
  
_**"I guess I have my answer then. If you should change your mind, you know where to find me."**_  
  
_That's good to know._  
  
"Is it ok if I stay for a little longer? It's peaceful here." You asked timidly.  
  
He nods.   
  
\-------------------------------------------  
  
"I had a feeling I'd find you in here..."  
  
He was exactly where you knew he would be. Back in the ritual room. _Probably trying to contact his father. He's not gonna answer._  
  
"Michael."  
  
_"Get out."_  
  
"No."  
  
_Guess it's time to play dirty..._  
  
He's searching for something.  
  
"Looking for something?" You hold out his knife.  
  
_"Give it back."_  
  
"Make me."  
  
You feel it pull from your hand.  
  
_Fucker. Two can play this..._  
  
Before he cuts into his skin, he stops. He walks back over to you and hands you the knife. "Michael, get dressed." He does as he's told. You admit you're enjoying it more than you should. You let it go once he isn't fully naked anymore.  
  
"That's better."  
  
He looks utterly confused.  
  
_"What the fuck?"_  
  
"I'm trying to help you, Michael."  
  
_"Stay the fuck away from me."_  
  
"You don't want that. I can feel it." You whisper.  
  
He drops to his knees in defeat.  
  
"You're so conflicted. The both of you. This poor girl is wound up tighter than an eight day clock."  
  
You run your fingertip along his jawline and tilt his head up to look up at you. The pleading look in his eyes does something to you.  
  
"Do you want to play?" You whisper.  
  
His eyes widen.  
  
_"Don't. We can't- I can't do this to her."_  
  
"You've been thinking about it though, haven't you? What happened last time you two were in this room together. Did you enjoy the way she tasted?"  
  
That got him.  
  
You can hear his breathing becoming heavy and uneven. He pulls you towards him by your waist, hard, and unties your robe. Surprising him with nothing on underneath. Before it went any further, he rose to his feet and stepped away from you.  
  
_"I can't."_  
  
"Why do you two fight it so much?"  
  
_I have an idea._  
  
"Since you're such a good boy, maybe you should get a reward..."  
  
He swallows hard. You've got his attention.  
  
"You can look, no touching." You whisper as you slowly sit, eyes never leaving Michael's.  
  
"Do you want a peek?" You voice low.   
  
He doesn't answer so you take it as a "yes" and continue. You bring your knees up together before slowly opening your legs for him.  
  
No answer, no objection. You take it further.  
  
Never breaking eye contact, you trail your fingers from your thigh until you reach your already soaked cunt. Slowly running your fingers over your aching clit, holding back the moans that are trying to escape your lips. You take your time, not wanting to rush.  
  
Michael is faltering. He once again closes the gap between you two and kneels in front of your open legs.  
  
"Like what you see?"  
  
Pupils blown black, breathing completely erratic, you swear you can feel his heartbeat without touching him. Goosebumps explode on your skin when he runs his hand down your thigh. It heightens the pleasure you're feeling. It's short lived as he pulls your hand away and you groan from the loss of contact. Before you can complain, he takes your fingers in his mouth...Moaning like he's never tasted anything sweeter.  
  
He looks at you with lust filled eyes. He seems eerily calm... More than he did moments ago. Once he's done enjoying the remnants of you, he leans in close.  
  
_"The only person who will be making you cum...is me."_ Voice low and raspy.  
  
Without having to be told, you invitingly lie on your back and spread your legs as open as you can.  
  
"Then maybe you should use that pretty mouth of yours for something other than talking..."  
  
He wasted no time. He was a man on a mission. Positioning his shoulders under your thighs, holding back the urge to delve right into your cunt, he distacted himself by teasing you. Small kisses along the inside of your right thigh sent goosebumps shooting throughout. He moved to the left, and started suckling his way down, causing small moans to escape your mouth. He knew what he was doing... When you felt his flat tongue against the entirety on your wet cunt, you were done. The moan that came from your chest, the way your back arched upon contact...  
  
He had you. He knew it. It stirred something in him. His grip on your thighs tightened, he carefully worked his tongue between your folds, burying his mouth into you. His own moans vibrating against you is bringing you further to your own release, one that he's deliberately delaying. He's savoring you. He teased every so often by wrapping his lips around your clit and stopping once you got too close. You were coming undone, completely soaking his face of you...  
  
_What the fuck is happening?_  
  
You notice you're back in the room.  
  
_Holy shit._  
  
Your breath is caught in your throat when you realize what is happening. You don't know what to do. _But, fuck, I don't want him to stop..._  
  
"Mich-" A moan catches in your throat.  
  
You aren't going to last much longer.  
  
"MICHAEL."  
  
He stops. He doesn't move away from you just yet.  
  
Trying to catch your breath enough to speak.  
  
"...It's ok. You don't have to stop." You whisper.  
  
_**Are you sure?**_  
  
"Yes." Voice barely audible.  
  
You have him loosen the grip on one of your legs to take his hand. He knew instantly...  
  
_**Look at me**_  
  
Trying to even out your breathing, you look down and see the look in his eyes... He keeps his eyes on yours as his tongue assaults your throbbing clit. You can't silence the sounds your making. With every swipe and suck of his tongue you feel yourself being pushed over the edge. He's feasting on you like you're the last supper. A strange feeling is forming in the pit of your stomach. You're grinding yourself on his mouth without realizing it, he holds your hips down to keep you still. The moans he's making against you while he fervently devours your clit makes you completely come undone... You feel yourself cumming on his skilled mouth. Legs trembling, back arched and you're moaning his name like the whore he claims you are. He's lapping up every single drop your body is giving him while you ride out your orgasm.  
  
"Come here." You whispered. Breathing deeply.  
  
_**I like it down here**_  
  
"Please."  
  
You let out a small gasp when he finally took his mouth away from your now sensitive cunt. He made his way up towards you. Before you could say anything, his lips are crashing onto yours. _Not what I was expecting._ You didn't fight it. Admittedly, you wanted this, even if he didn't give a shit about you. A masochist in your own right. You give in, deepening the kiss. He settles himself in between your legs, you can feel he's hard against you. Bucking your hips to cause friction, trying to alleviate the instant arousal you felt, you feel Michael moan into your mouth.   
  
"Fuck me." You moaned.  
  
He's stunned. Breathing heavy against your lips.  
  
"I can feel you. You want to."  
  
You unbutton his pants and start working on the zipper before he abruptly stops you.  
  
_"No."_  
  
He won't look at you. You aren't sure why.  
  
_Clearly this was a fucking mistake._  
  
"I sh-should go." You whisper.  
  
He gets off of you to let you leave. You can't look at him. You feel tears welling up in your eyes for reasons you can't explain. You don't say anything before quietly making your exit.  
  
Once you're back in the privacy of your room, you just sit in the middle of your floor and don't move. You can't. You don't know what to feel.  
  
_What the fuck is happening to me?_

 

 

 


	8. Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexual tensions get released. Yeah, there's smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I threw in an old 90's movie quote that I thought was cute, in a creepy sort of way... Especially given the dynamics at play. Also, yeah I totally got lazy and didn't want to properly edit it like I did the last chapter. My laziness far surpasses everything else. 
> 
> P.S. Hozier's music makes me soft as hell.

You kept yourself busy the days that followed. You had no choice really. Heather was gone now too. _Strange._ The constant distraction was welcomed. You couldn't even look Michael in the eye after what happened. Neither of you were actively avoiding eachother but you two weren't exactly looking for one another either. Back to your regular unspoken agreement like before. Conversations were need to know and that was all. You wouldn't say it out loud, but it may have stung a little. _I knew. I did this to myself._ You hated that your emotions were muddying the waters. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He got the upperhand. _And for what? Maybe I should have taken his father's offer..._

Right on cue, you're stopped dead in your tracks when you hear the familiar voice...

_**We need to talk...** _

_Shit._

You've never walked so slowly to the office as you did in that moment. _What could he possibly want to talk about?_ It seems strange how he pops in your head wanting to talk the second you were thinking about his father. _He's been listening to my thoughts. Fucking bastard_. You're seeing red now. Shaking. Deep breaths. It took a few moments but you managed to calm down enough to knock on the door like a normal person, not slamming on it like a crazy bitch, like you felt like doing.

_"Come in."_

You walk in and notice he's not sitting at the desk. He's slouched down on one of the chairs by the fireplace, a drink in his hand. _What am I walking into?_

"Um, you wanted me for something?"

 _"Drink?"_ He offers, eying his glass.

_Is he already drunk?_

"No, thanks. I'm technically sort of working right now, so..."

Silence fills the room. You idly stand there.

"Is there something you needed, Michael?"

_"You've been quiet."_

"I've always been quiet. It's nothing new. Is that all?" You asked impatiently.

_"In a hurry?"_

"Well, Heather seems to have mysteriously vanished now too, so someone has to pick up the slack. Any idea what happened to her?"

He doesn't even look at you.

"Yeah, I thought so." You scoffed.

You turn around to leave. Before you can even get the doors open, he stops you.

_Shit. He's fast._

_"What do you remember from that night?"_

"Why?"

_"I just- I need to know what offer my father made you."_

"You fucking bastard. You were listening in..." Trying to keep your cool.

 _"Please. Y/N please..._ " He begged.

"Stop hiding shit from me, then maybe I'll afford you the same courtesy." You say coldly.

 _"What happened when you spoke with my father?"_ He asked sternly.

"What led to what happened between us? There's a big fucking gap there..."

 _"I asked you first."_ He hissed.

Neither of you were going to let it go. Both of you were already gearing for a fight. He motioned for you to have a seat, you begrudgingly accepted. He poured himself another drink. He offered you one. This time, you accepted. _I have a feeling I'll need it._

"What to you want to know?"

_"How did you manage to do it?"_

"I really don't know. I don't remember anything except waking up there."

He's trying to read you. Or he's reading into you without your knowledge. You aren't sure.

 _"What. Did. He. Offer. You?"_ Anger filled his voice.

_He's cutting right to the chase here._

"He gave me the option to stay. That's all. Why, I don't know. It was a tempting offer really..."

_"Why didn't you?"_

You didn't have an answer. Your eyes met his. The way he stared at you... He didn't need to ask. He knew why. You downed your drink in one shot.

"My turn. What happened that night. What kind of trouble did I manage to get myself into this time?"

 _"You killed Heather."_ He said flat out.

"...What?"

_"Well it wasn't you, per say, when you space out, you aren't exactly spacing out. Someone else comes out to...play. Wrecks havoc. That's why you don't remember anything."_

_What the fuck?_

"How?"

_"Seems I made a mess of things. You had it in you long before I came along. I felt it. When I let you in my mind, you welcomed my mess. My darkness, my inner demons... All of it. You invited it in, like you were looking for it... It awoken something in you. Only difference is, I was made for this, you weren't. It's not as easy for you to control."_

It was a lot to take in, but it all started to make sense. Why you felt the way you did... This was an easier pill to swallow, to you anyway.

"All things considered, it's not the strangest thing I've heard. Or experienced... Why did I, um, kill Heather? I didn't have any issues with her."

He pours another drink and slides it to you.

"...I don't want it."

He takes it and downs it himself.

He's still not answering you.

"Why are you avoiding the question, Michael?" You eye him suspiciously.

_"I don't know."_

"Yes you do." You get up to leave. "You just won't tell me." You have a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach. Your gut is telling you something...

 _"I don't want to hurt you."_ He blurts out.

_Where the fuck did that come from?_

"What?"

_"Shit."_

"Just say it. I fucking killed someone and I don't know why or how. And a bunch of shit happened inbetween that my brain can barely process and you don't have the fucking decency to fill in any blanks to help me out."

You're pretty much shouting in his face out of frustration at this point. You feel stupid for letting yourself lose control of the situation.

 _"You walked in...on us fucking. When I told her to leave, she wasn't too happy, so you snapped her neck. With a pretty smile on your face... You rather enjoyed it. Like it was a game."_ Keeping his face down.

It felt like a punch in the gut hearing those words come out of his mouth. You had no right to be upset about it. You knew that. You told yourself that. But you'd be lying if you said it didn't hurt hearing them. You don't even know what to say.

"It still makes no sense..." You mumble to yourself.

Then you come to the realization that he was fucking someone else and then you tried fucking him the same night. You were disgusted. _Pull yourself together..._

"So, nothing helpful there either. Um, I guess we're done here then. Thanks for the drink." You say quickly.

_"You're upset."_

"I'm not... and you don't need to explain yourself. What you do is none of my business, Michael."

He leans in close to you. You can smell the alcohol on his breath.

_"You're lying. I can hear your thoughts..."_

You're seething. He promised he wouldn't do this to you.

"We don't owe eachother anything. Stay the fuck out of my head." You say through gritted teeth.

With that, you get up and leave. Or try to anyway. Michael wasn't letting it happen that easy.

_"Y/N."_

You ignore him.

 _"Don't walk away from me."_ He raised his voice.

"Watch me." You spat, not turning around.

Not a second later, you come to a halt walking into Michael's body directly in front of you, startling you.

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

 _"I just want to fix this."_ Pleading look in his eyes.

You look at him confused. _Is he feeling guilty?_

"There's nothing to fix, Michael. Like I said, you don't need to explain anything. And I know what happened between us meant nothing, so everything's fine. You said so yourself, I'm just a whore... I'll be thrown away soon anyway, after you and your father are done with me, right? So don't worry about it."

The defeat he heard in your voice rendered him speechless. He wasn't expecting it. You didn't mean for it to come out sounding the way it did. You were hurt. He knew it. You won't admit it though.

"I have things to do." You whispered.

He stood there as you left. Once you closed the doors behind you, you fought back the tears forming. _Don't fucking start now._

Not a moment later, you can feel the force of impact from glass shattering against the door...

\----------------------------------

Patience in the outpost is wearing thin. Purples are dying to know when they will finally hear who will be selected for the sanctuary. Pestering Michael like children and then being scolded when told they'll find out in due time. You admit, it was humorous to watch every single time it happened. It was your new form of entertainment. You had to start leaving the room when your laughing became awkward during those times. _I'm as good as dead, what the fuck do I care._ Michael would side-eye you and everyone would be staring at the strange encounters between you two so you would just leave as soon as he would come around.

The tables had turned. Now you were ignoring him. You weren't one for wearing your heart on your sleeve and you weren't about to start now. You ignored things until they went away. _Eventually he will too._

Michael never engaged in much of the daily affairs of things in the outpost, but lately, he was everywhere. _What the fuck?_ It changed your overall mood. Today would be different. You heard the dreaded cane coming your way and knew your day would instantly sour. _Fuck._

"Y/N, off your leash so early?"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm just surprised to see you out and about so much. Did Langdon tire of you already?"

"I'm just doing my job, like I always have. I'll be back to doing it the same way after he leaves..."

She seems surprised.

_"Is there a problem?"_

_Oh no..._

"No, Langdon, no problem at all." She smiles fakely.

_"Y/N, a word please."_

_Fuck._

You can feel Venable's rage. Her eyes burning into you as you two are walking away. _What the fuck is her problem with me all of a sudden?_

He's keeping with your slow pace.

_"I figured you needed an escape from her..."_

"Thanks." You say meekly.

He stops walking and looks at you like he wants to say something, but stops himself before doing so...

 _"I have work to do..."_ He says lowly.

"Yeah, me too." You whisper.

You part ways. Your heart is pounding in your chest. _Stop..._

\-------------------------------------

_No rest for the wicked._

That's what you tell yourself every night that you can't sleep. You resort to reading whatever book you grab from the library just to numb your brain. Rummaging through the pile of books you have, none of which interest you right now, you decide to sneak off to find another one.

 _I've read most of the ones I've wanted to read already... I guess I'll stick to the ones I already have._ Not finding anything that catches your eye, you sigh and walk back quickly before being seen. You're scared when you go to turn your door knob and something falls as you turn it.

_Shit. What the fuck is that?_

A chess piece. A king.

_How the fuck did this get here? Guess I lost it?_

You make your way back inside. You go to the table where the chess board was left to put the piece back and see that only one piece was on the board. A queen. An envelope placed under it. You tried to keep your hands still while you opened it. All that was inside was a note...

**Y/N : Without you, I'm nothing... - M**

_The chess game... He remembered._

You were speechless. _Maybe I'm reading too much into this though._ You decide to hide it away in your desk for now. You won't mention it. You're almost knocked over when you come into contact with someone upon turning around. You didn't need to ask who it was...

"Jesus fucking christ." You said louder than intended.

_"Not quite..."_

"Funny. You constantly do that to me. A warning would be nice." You say slightly out of breath.

 _"But you make it so easy."_ He smirks.

He looks over at your pile of books.

 _"Doing some light reading?"_ He asked sarcastically.

"You've seen the people here. You really think they'd read any of these by choice?"

_"No. Probably not..."_

_Knowing him, he's probably judging the book choices._

Then it hits you. He's lingering...

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" You quipped.

The look he gives you makes your heart skip a beat. _What the fuck was that?_

_"I owe you an apology."_

_Interesting..._

"Why? There's nothing to apologize for."

_"Because you deserve one."_

"I didn't ask for one. There's no need. Don't worry about it."

He's inched closer to you with every retort you gave.

 _"I didn't mean what I said. You have to know that..."_ He whispers as he inches closer to your face.

"Ok." You let out a little too sharply.

_"You don't believe me."_

"I just... don't know what you want from me."

_"I want your forgiveness. I fucked up."_

"Fine. You're forgiven, you can be absolved from your guilt now." You say trying to remain stoic.

_"You're a real pain in my ass, you know that? Why the fuck do you fight me at every turn?"_

_Where the fuck did that come from?_

"Excuse me?" You asked stunned.

_"You won't accept it because then you'd have to come to terms with admitting that it hurt you to begin with. I knew the moment I told you. I heard your thoughts."_

You remembered. You were angry he did it without telling you.

_"I'm sorry. Ok? I'm. Fucking. Sorry."_

You're fidgeting now...

Before you could get a word out, he says something you weren't expecting. He's unloading everything on you at once now.

_"What happened between us wasn't just nothing... And, I don't regret it... I know you don't either..."_

Your eyes meet and he already knows the answer. He knew before he said anything.

The words you want to say are getting caught in your throat. I can't do this, it'll only complicate things...

_"There's something you want to say."_

"Why do you say that?"

_"I can barely keep up with all the emotions you're throwing around right now. I'm assuming your thoughts are going at the same speed."_

"It's not important."

 _"Yes it is."_ He snapped.

_Ok. Things are going differently than I expected..._

"It's not. Look, apology accepted. Ok? I don't want to fight with you. We always seem to be preparing for a war with eachother. Though I admit, you're becoming my favorite adversary here." You softly smile.

That earned you a smile.

_Maybe I steered this out of the hostile direction it was leading to..._

_"You're a pretty formidable opponent for someone who lacks magical abilities. You use... other methods to your advantage though."_

"My wit and charm?" You cock an eyebrow.

_"No, you're a stubborn pain in the ass."_

"That's part of my charm." You shrug.

It falls quiet for a moment. _I guess we're good now..._

_"There is tension between us though. I know you feel it too."_

_Shit, we're back here again..._

"That's probably my fault. I shouldn't have done, um, an-any of what happened to begin with." Your thoughts are all over.

 _"I was more than willing."_ He quickly retorts.

He grazes your face as he comes close to whisper in your ear. You hold your breath.

_"I wanted more. I...want more."_

Goosebumps exploded on your skin. Gasping when you realize you'd forgotten to breathe. Then you immediately felt it. The tingling started. Then the pooling wetness shortly after. _Fuck. All he did was talk..._

 _"I'm sensing you do, too."_ He said lowly.

"What?" You whisper.

He's gazing at you with lust in his eyes...

 _"I can almost taste you."_ He said seductively.

A chill runs down your spine.

_"Tell me it's ok."_

"What?"

 _"Tell me it's ok..."_ He looks with pleading eyes.

You knew then what he meant. You weren't giving him what he wanted just yet. He had to earn it.

"You ate me out like I was your last meal and you're still asking permission to touch me?" You whisper.

_"Technically, you gave me permission. Twice, if I recall."_

"So you're at my mercy then." You smirk.

"No touching..." You whisper.

Michael's eyes widen when you pull him flush against you. His hands start working their way down your back. "Ah, no touching." He groans when you make him keep his hands to himself. You work on the buttons of his shirt first. Unbuttoning them one by one. He knows what you're doing. His breathing is becoming heavier and uneven with each one being undone. Once you have the last one open, you slide your hands up his chest, working your way towards his shoulders to slide the shirt off of him.

"You won't be needing this." You whisper as you discard it somewhere on the floor.

You wasted no time, deciding to test both of your boundaries, seeing how far either of you could go before one of you falters. Really, it was to see how far you could go with you in control. It's a dynamic you weren't used to, but one you feel you needed. With your heart racing, you undo Michael's belt, followed by his pants button and then lock eyes with him when you pull down the zipper. He raises his eyebrow as if he's challenging you. When you reach your hand in, he's already hard. He's already panting at your touch. You smirk. Keeping your touch purposefully light, you carefully grab his dick and rub your thumb over the tip teasingly before you work your way down slowly and start stroking him. You're keeping a slow rhythm. He brings his face close, resting his forehead to yours, stifling his moans.

 _"What are your limits?"_ He barely managed to get out.

"My wrists. No binding them in any way... Other than that, you can do anything you want with me."

You took your hand away from him suddenly. He exhales deeply over the loss of contact, looking at you with a deep sense of lust and annoyance. You can't help but smile at his frustration.

_"Please. Tell me it's ok..."_

You realize it's you that's hesitant. You're more nervous than you'd anticipated. We almost fucked once already. _Why am I a fucking mess right now?_

"...I-It's ok." It came out a breathy whisper.

You were expecting to be manhandled, thrown down and pounded into after what you had just pulled. The thought of him doing it made you want it more than you'd admit.

He snakes his arm around your waist and pulls you against him. Your heart is pounding against his. Anxiety and fear are your driving forces right now. _Breathe. Just breathe._

_"You're nervous."_

"What makes you think that?"

_"You're shaking."_

_It's more obvious than I thought..._

"I've never done this willingly. I didn't realize how hard this would be..."

 _"We don't have to do this."_ He whispers.

"I know... but I want to."

You take the plunge. You slowly untie your robe and let it drape open slightly. You wore nothing underneath on nights you weren't expecting company. Michael's eyes shifted down before landing back to yours. Adrenaline kicks in. You graze your lips against his. Teasing. Feeling him this close to you... You wanted to have every inch of him all over you.

"I want you to ruin me." You whisper.

That did it. Not a moment later, his lips are crashing onto yours. It was deep, passionate. If you didn't know better, you would say it was almost loving. He takes your robe off your body before breaking contact with your lips. _"You won't be needing this either."_ You close your eyes, feeling over exposed. Every scar is on display for him to see. The broken pieces you have to carry and bear. _"Look at me." Deep breaths_. You get the courage to look at him. Your breath ragged. _"It's ok."_ His lips claims yours once more. This time it's rushed, but welcomed. You're surprised when he gently lays you down on the bed. Maybe he's going easy on me. Your nerves get the best of you again when the realization hits you of what's about to happen... _Fuck, he's getting naked, I'm not ready yet..._ The look in Michael's eyes when he slowly crawls on top of you gets you instantly wet. _This is new..._ Settling between your legs, you keep yourself from bucking your hips against him. Running his fingers through your hair, he tugs your head back to access your neck. Bruising kisses are being marked on your skin, the sensation of it is making your nipples hard. Michael notices instantly. His mouth trails down. Slow and calculated. First to your collarbone, then between the valley of your breast. He was teasing you. You felt his hot breath against your breast, then his hand not a moment later. You moan when he takes your nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it before roughly sucking. His hand working your other one between his fingers. You arch into him when he lightly bites down. Groaning at the loss of contact when he removes his mouth, he makes up for it by repeating it with your neglected nipple.

His hand trails down to your navel, his lips eventually follow. Your breathing is picking up. The lower his mouth goes, the louder you can hear your heart stammering in your chest. You gasp when you feel his tongue swirl over your clit without warning. He wastes no time working his tongue between your folds, reveling in the moans escaping your lips. You feel his fingertip graze over your entrance and you immediately tense up, he notices right away. _ **Relax...**_ he closes his lips around your clit and sucks as if his life depends on it. That's when you felt it, the intrusion on his finger start slowly sliding inside of you. Holy shit. He pulls back, pulling his mouth away from you momentarily to spit on his fingers before burying his face in your cunt once more. This time, when he guides his finger back, your body is a little more receptive. He slowly slid back in, only this time, he was awarded with a loud moan. You weren't expecting the feeling. He mercelessly worked your clit, causing your hips to unintentionally grind onto him. You were practically fucking yourself on his hand. Michael must have known you were close, he started easing up his tongue, teasing you. You were all but begging... When he hungrily catches your swollen clit in his lips, it pushes you over the edge. You feel your walls clenching down on him, you can no longer quiet the moans you tried to keep down. Gripping the sheets beneath you until your knuckles were white, his name fell from your lips while you came all over his face. Riding out your climax, he still teases your sensitive cunt. Carefully removing his hand, he licks it clean of you, before diving back in to continue lapping up whatever he can. You can only take so much...

"Michael, up here. Now."

_**I'm not done yet** _

"I want you inside of me." You whisper.

He didn't have to be told twice. Making his way back up towards you, leaving a trail of open mouth kisses in his path. When he reaches your neck, you feel his lips ghost just under your jawline, leading towards your ear.

 _"I'm going to destroy you..."_ He faintly whispers.

Your nerves are kicking into overdrive. You pull Michael close for a kiss, it ends up being more intimate than you had intended. No lips crashing onto one another, no one tongue fighting another for dominance. No. It was soft, sensual. Michael settles himself between your legs, you can feel him against you now. You were instantly aroused and trying to keep from grinding yourself on him upon contact. You felt Michael reach his hand down and your breath immediately catches in your throat. Feeling the tip parting through your folds, gathering your wetness, you broke away from Michael's lips to breathe. You felt like you were suffocating. He did that for a few moments, before stopping right at your entrance. Looking you straight in the eyes. _"Tell me it's ok."_ Your heart's racing. Your stomach is in knots and you have something nagging you in the back of your mind that you can't say. "It's ok..." You feel him. Every slow thrust he gives you until your comfortable having him. Then he pulls out, and in one thrust, he fills you up, hard and deep. You gasp feeling him stretch you. The moan that came from deep within Michael's chest surprises you. He fucks you at a slow, steady pace; continuously hitting a spot you didn't even know you had. The sounds coming from your mouth don't sound like your own. Yet they are. Every kiss, every moan, reminds you that you need this. You need him. Needing to feel him inside you as much as you can, you lifted your knees higher against him. He took the hint, fucking into you harder. Before long, your body met his thrusts with the same fervor. You felt the trembling throughout your whole body, you were burning. Your nails were digging into Michael's back, he didn't seem to notice, or care. You bite your lip to stifle what you're sure is going to be loud enough to alert the entire outpost of you two are doing. Whimpers are escaping your lips as you feel yourself clenching down on him as your orgasm starts to rip through you with an intensity that steals the air from your lungs. Michael's mouth is suddenly on yours, drinking down your moans with his own as he feels you cumming on him...

Coming down from your high, looking for his own release, Michael's thrusts become noticably rougher and faster. You do your best to keep up with him. Writhing beneath him, legs trembling, he holds you close as he mercilessly fucks into you. His hands find their way to your hair and tug harshly to give him access to your throat, leaving hard bruising kisses throughout. His brutal thrusts never letting up.

He's taking in your every gasp, every moan, the feeling of being inside of you. He's drunk off of it. In a fucked up way, he's punishing you for it. For everything he wants to say, but can't, for the way you look at him, the way only your touch will bring him to his knees. You have a power over him you don't realize. He doesn't just want you. No. He needs you. He needs you like he needs his next breath... And he hates you for it. Right now, you're a mess under him, and he has some semblance of control, but he's quickly losing it. He knows it. He knew it once he found his home inside of you.

The sounds of grunts and moans fill the air, you're barely holding on at this point. Feeling the familiar wave coming back, you bucked your hips to meet Michael's now slower, sloppier pace. He's just as much a mess as you were. Yours was building up faster than you had anticipated. Michael must have known. He starts unrelentingly fucking into you again. You feel his lips graze yours. _"I want to hear you..."_ You were faltering fast. Once you felt your legs start trembling, a shiver ran down your spine causing you to arch your back, you knew you were done for. Loudly moaning Michael's name like it was some dirty, unholy prayer, your cunt was sure to milk him for all he's worth with the force it was cumming all over him. It was all he needed... a few deepened thrusts and he's coming undone. Lips searching for yours to catch his moans of your name, hand roughly holding up your leg for leverage. You feel him twitching as he's cumming inside of you. He's trying his hardest to remain in control. He failed. He's completely lost in you... Trying to catch his breath, he buries his face in the crook of your neck. He just lies there with you for a while. You welcomed it. You needed a moment to process what just happened...

When Michael decides to break away from you, you notice right away how sore you already are. He wasn't kidding. Exhausted, you decide to situate yourself and try and get some sleep, already assuming Michael would be leaving shortly. He's the first to break the silence...

_"Are you ok?"_

"...Yeah, just tired."

He's quiet for a bit. You assume he's gone already. Until you feel him curl up to you...

"You don't have to stay..." You whisper.

_"Why would I leave?"_

You lightly shrug. He pulls you close, letting out a deep sigh when he feels you close to him again. You missed it. _Maybe he did too._ Feeling his heart beat, his soft breath against you, it was soothing... Sleep was overtaking you both...

 _"Can I keep you?"_ His voice low and raspy.

Your heart may have skipped a beat or two. He surely felt it if it did. You respond barely above a whisper, hoping maybe he wouldn't hear, just in case it was all in your head.

"...I'm all yours."

He pulls you as close as he possibly can.

_"Mine."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote was "Can I keep you?" From Casper. Yes the sperm looking ghost. Most people who read these things probably don't even remember that movie so I figured I'd mention it.


	9. Change (In The House Of Flies)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of shit goes down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, this is what happens when I don't sleep and in my sleep deprived state, think, "yeah, this sounds good." No, no it doesn't. But this trash has been on tumblr for a while now, so what's done is done. 
> 
> I'll add a note at the end on what my sleep addled brain was trying to convey.

The same dream keeps replaying over and over in your head. It's haunting you now. It wakes you up in the same manner every time you have it. In a panic, throwing up. You chalk it up to anxiety of some sort even though you have no clue what any of it means. It's always the same. You always wake up at the same spot. Like it's some secret you aren't privy to know. _What the fuck does it mean?_ Thankfully, you only ever had it once when Michael was sleeping next to you. The other times you had woken up alone so you didn't need to explain why you were waking up shaking and vomiting. Again.

You wish you could blame your lack of sleep on something other than shit dreams you can't decipher. Normally, something like this wouldn't even bother you, but it's caused a shift in your mood that hasn't gone unnoticed by a few people... You nearly bit Mallory's head off over something insignificant, she's been ignoring you ever since. Coco would normally be the first to say something smart to anyone but she managed to get you on a particularly bad day and Michael had to keep you from killing her. Literally.

Things only escalated from there when Venable decided to get on your nerves. Tension had been mounting between the two of you for a while now. You had no clue why she had it out for you as much as she did. You stayed out of her way more than ever, yet, the mere sight of your face was enough to get her panties in a bunch. Today would be the straw that broke the camels back, so to speak...

"Y/N. What a pleasant surprise."

"Ms Venable. Anything I can help you with?"

"Oh nothing. I figured you would be too busy whoring around with Langdon to be here bothering the other residents."

_You fucking bitch._

"Excuse me? Whoring around?"

"Get off your high horse, Y/N. The entire Outpost has had to listen to you two for weeks... All because you can't keep your legs shut."

Something inside you snaps...

"Are you jealous?"

"I beg your pardon?" She asks with a quizzical look.

"Are. You. Jealous? It seems like you are. Is it him you want to fuck? Or... is it me? Or are you looking into some ménage à trois action? Hm?"

"You're disgusting."

"I'm disgusting, but you aren't outright denying you don't want at least one of us..." A smirk plastered on your face.

She's speechless.

"Remember one thing, Ms. Venable, there's a good chance that you will be stuck here with me in the end. I won't be so kind once everyone is gone..."

"What makes you think I'll be here?" Her voice uncertain.

You laugh in her face and pull out a knife. Her eyes widen when she sees you mindlessly playing with the blade against your skin...

"I'll make sure of it."

"Is that what your game is? Sleeping with Langdon to get him to keep me here so you can kill me?"

You smile and hold the blade to her throat suddenly.

"I could just kill you right now..." You whisper.

She swallows hard. You can feel her heart racing. Her breathing is picking up. The fear in her eyes is feeding the adrenaline in you. It feels euphoric... You can't help but laugh at her.

_"Y/N."_

_Shit._

_"Put the knife down."_

You reluctantly put it down and back away from her slowly. Before she can say anything, Michael whispers something to her and she walks away as if nothing happened. _What the fuck was that?_

 _"Office. Now."_ He hissed.

You followed him like a child. Once you finally reached the office and he slams the doors shut, you know how this is probably going to go.

_He doesn't seem too pleased with me right now..._

_"You've been on a rampage lately, haven't you?"_

He's a little too calm.

"Maybe I've been a little moodier than usual..."

_"Moody. Hm. I've had to stop you from killing half the outpost these past few weeks..."_

"Two people is not half..." You say dismissively.

_"You've had more than a few incidences. What other one do you remember?"_

_He wants to lose his shit right now, I see it in his face. Why isn't he? This isn't like him at all..._

"Coco. She was being an annoying cunt. I remember her going on and on about something and she directed it at me and I just... snapped."

He's looking at you quietly for what feels like an eternity. You're getting annoyed, he feels it. Then you start to feel angry. It starts clouding your mind. _Where the fuck did that come from?_ You realize the anger isn't yours... _It's his._

"You're angry... I can feel it..." You whispered to yourself.

 _"What?"_ He looks surprised.

"You're pissed at me. I can feel it. Yet you aren't chewing me out or killing me for causing you so many issues. Why?"

There's no words spoken. Just his eyes boring into you again. _Seriously?_

"Michael?"

 _"Don't worry about it."_ He says softly.

_That was different than I was expecting..._

"...Ok. Are we done here?"

He nods.

\-----------------------------

"Poison apples? Really? That's what you came up with?"

The soft tapping of keys is all you hear for a bit before you finally get a response.

_"What's wrong with it?"_

"I see the irony in it. Just expected something a little... different, is all."

_"How so?"_

"You can kill everyone here without breaking a sweat, why not just do that and get it over with?"

_"We don't get our hands dirty... It's simple. Effective. Besides, it's much better to sit back and watch chaos ensue."_

He hasn't turned away from his laptop the entire conversation.

_That's only fun when you're the one orchestrating the destruction..._

"Is Venable really needed for that? Or can I have some fun before-"

_"Behave."_

"...Fine." You grimace.

You lie there for a bit. The nonstop tapping is putting you to sleep. _Nope. Not here_. He must hear you shifting, he turns around to see what you're doing.

_"You can just stay in here, you know."_

"I don't have the luxury of being able to just, poof out, whenever I want."

_"Not like everyone hasn't heard us already anyway."_

"I doubt everyone has."

He cocks an eyebrow at you. You give him a knowing smile.

Getting up to leave, you're surprised when he pulls you in for a soft kiss...

_"I'll join you later."_

"Ok." You say lowly.

You can hear the tapping continue as you sneak out of his room...

Once you reach yours, you barely make it out of your uniform before you're crawling into your bed. You're constantly exhausted, yet never sleep. _Why am I so fucking tired. What the fuck is wrong with me lately?_ You start thinking about Michael. He's very different with you now too. You didn't think sleeping together would change anything, yet things slowly did. He doesn't love you. That much you're sure of. What just happened in his room wasn't like him at all. He's only loving or affectionate when he has his dick in you. _I'm a fucking idiot._ You still can't admit it to yourself. You know none of this will end well for you. It's a losing game. _Only I would end up like this... I'm such a stupid bitch._ You're broken out of your train of thoughts when you feel it hit you like a ton of bricks. It's rising in your throat... _Why now?_ You barely made it to the bathroom before you start throwing up the contents of your stomach.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" That's all you can ask yourself repeatedly as you lie there, hoping the nausea subsides. You doze off eventually on the bathroom floor, like you used to do when you were younger during drunken stupors. Some time later, you feel your body shifting and it jolts you awake.

_"I've got you."_

You're momentarily confused until you realize you fell asleep in the bathroom and Michael is carrying you to bed.

"Could have just woken me up." You say sleepily.

_"Shh. Go to sleep."_

He lies next to you and for once, you seek him first. You just hope you can get sleep tonight...

\---------------------------------

Halloween approaches and tonight is Venable's little party. She's been in a better mood the past few days because of it. She has a trick up her sleeve. Or so she thinks. You already know what's to come... _Oh Wilhemina, if you only knew..._ You smile to yourself. Everything will be over soon. You then come to the realization that you still have no idea why Michael or his father needed you to begin with... _What's gonna happen to me? Will my next stint in hell be like my last? Pick up right where I left off?_ Thoughts are swirling around your head. You can't really prepare yourself for something like this. It's going to happen and there's nothing you can do.

_I wish this feeling would go away... I can't start losing my shit now._

Michael's voice cuts through you. Quietly approaching you seems to be his favorite game with you, knowing you're going to be scared shitless every time he does it. _Asshole._

_"You seem on edge today."_

"I'm fine. Just tired."

_"Is that really all it is?"_

"Yeah, I'm fine. Really."

You feel like you can't breathe all of a sudden. That's when you hear them... _Oh shit._

"Um I'm gonna go lie down, I don't feel well."

You can feel Michael's gaze as you run off but you had to get away. The voices were getting louder. The static was becoming deafening. Fuck. Your head is pounding. It's hard to escape when you don't have anywhere to really go. You think of the only place where no one would look to find you... Michael's ritual room...  
Trying to keep your hands still as you light some candles, keeping your breathing as steady as you can. _Why now? Fuck!_ You're slipping under... You just lie on the floor and let it take control. You can't fight it anymore...

You welcome the dark void like an old friend. Once the physical feeling goes away, you enjoy what comes after. This. The emptiness. You weren't expecting to find yourself back here though...

_Oh no..._

Despite the warm air, a chill runs down your spine.

_**"I was wondering if you'd ever come back..."** _

_Fuck._

"I wasn't expecting to be back just yet."

_**"Yet, here you are."** _

"Here I am..." You drawled.

_Am I ready for this? What am I even doing?_

_**"Something's on your mind. That's why you're here."** _

"I don't even know why I came back here. I've been feeling... Strange. I don't feel like myself anymore. Michael's going to kill everyone, me included, I just don't know why I was needed in the first place..."

_**"Needed?"** _

"He told me I was brought back because I was needed for something. He never told me what though. That you both needed a soul. Mine just happened to be picked."

He stayed quiet for a bit, ruminating on your words.

_**"Seems my son has a lot of explaining to do."** _

"What do you mean?"

_**"I never needed you. He took you out of your hell, he formulated whatever plan he has for you, all on his own."** _

You couldn't breathe. _That fucking bastard._

"It makes no fucking sense. What the fuck could he possibly want with some random person he found in hell?"

The hurt and anger you felt deep inside started to bubble just under the surface. You felt it physically, like it wanted to burst through you. _What the fuck is this?_

The shocked look on his face doesn't go unnoticed by you.

_**"He has much bigger matters he has to discuss with you too, it looks like..."** _

_What the fuck does that mean?_

"So you knew? This whole time? When I came here before, you knew that Michael was the one using me?"

_**"I knew."** _

"Maybe I should have fucking stayed." You scoff.

_**"You wouldn't have. We both know it, and we both know why."** _

"I'm a fucking idiot." You whisper.

_**"You hold a lot more power than you realize. Michael knows it too."** _

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

_**"You're different from when you were here last. I feel it..."** _

"Only difference is I feel like I'm going crazy."

_**"Trust me, you aren't. You're a lot more level headed than my shit for brains son."** _

You smile through the tears that have formed.

"I don't know what to do..."

_**"It'll all be clear once you go back. You'll know then."** _

You feel your heart beating rapidly. You're nervous about where you'll be when you become aware in your own body again...

You're surprised when you wake up still in the room. _Holy shit._ You aren't sure how long you were out for, at this point you don't care. It couldn't have been that long if Michael hadn't disposed of you yet. _Michael. That fucking scumbag bastard._ You were seething now. You quietly make your exit and notice how quiet and still it is. _Where is everyone?_ Making your way downstairs, a disgusting smells hits your nose. Then you see them. _Holy shit._ Bodies line the floor. Blood and vomit everywhere. Some people are missing. _Interesting. Messier than I'd imagined too._ The smell is getting to you, you have to get out of there. You hear a familiar voice that makes your blood boil...

Michael...

Something inside you stirs. All of your anger and pain feels like it's taking over you. Strumming through your veins. Like static in your blood. You feel alive in this moment. Darkness welcomes you back in it's arms like a forbidden lover... An affair only you two will ever know. You hear other voices, but Michael's voice is the only one adding fuel to the fire.

_They're all going to suffer..._

_Better go see what fun I can have now..._

You follow the voices. Smelling the blood that has already been spilt. I missed a lot.

You're presence causes quite a few dropped jaws. Hmm. What bullshit has this dickhead been spewing?

 _"Y/N?"_ He asks shocked.

"You seem surprised to see me."

"Who the fuck is this?" The skinny blonde asks.

"Y/N, I thought you were dead too."

"No Mallory, I'm very much alive." You smile.

_"You shouldn't be here."_

"Really?" You challenged. He felt something jolt through him as soon as he attempted to touch you. "I wouldn't do that." You smirk.

"Seems I missed a lot... So, this is the supreme you've had a hard on for all these years? I can see why. I can feel her power...Cordelia, is it?"

"Seriously bitch, who the fuck are you?"

"Madison." Cordelia chides.

_Guess I need to teach her a lesson in manners..._

She starts slowly gasping for air... her eyes become glassy. Hands clawing at her neck to alleviate the restraint that isn't visably there. You can see her desperate plea for help. It's fun to watch.

"Michael!" Cordelia yells.

 _"It's not me."_ He looks stunned. _"Y/N..."_

You decide to play nice for now and stop. You can hear her gasping for air and coughing. You decide to turn your attention to Michael. The rage storming inside of you was coming through...

"We have a lot to discuss, don't we? Like how you fucking lied to me... and how now, I can do so many things... like this-"

Everyone in the room felt the magnitude of it when they all were thrown about like they were nothing. You barely tried. It just came out of no where. You loved every second of it. You were being consumed by something. You were truly fucked.

"I should just kill you myself you fucking bastard."

_"But you can't. And you won't."_

"Can." You bite.

_"...But you won't."_

You hear stirring behind you.

"How the fuck is it possible that she's doing this shit? She's not like us. Is she some fucking evil spawn of his?" You hear the bitch Madison speaking amongst the group.

"Not some fucking evil spawn." You quip. "I'm fully human. Still have my soul... Or most of it anyway. Not sure how it all works after you've died a couple of times." You shrug.

You feel nauseous all of a sudden. Oh no. Worst time for this to spring up. You try to fight back the saliva building up in your mouth. Knowing that eventually the bile will soon follow. "Seriously?" You whisper to yourself.

 _"Is something wrong?"_ He sounds amused.

"Why the fuck do you care?" You snap.

You try and control your breathing. Hoping maybe it'll stop you from throwing up. It doesn't help... It comes up despite your best efforts. Soon you have all eyes on you. _Fucking great..._

"Cordelia, do you feel it too?" You hear the redhead whisper.

You collect yourself enough to speak.

"Well. Now that everyone decided to watch me empty the contents of my stomach, for some strange reason...I'm done playing your fucking games."

 _"Maybe it's best if you rested instead."_ He whispers.

You can't contain your laughter.

"Oh, I don't need rest. I got plenty of rest. It's time to play..."

Michael is the root of your anger. You only feel it whenever he's speaking. It feels like something inside of you switches as soon as he opens his mouth. _He'll be dead sooner than later if he keeps talking..._

 _"Y/N."_ He says with an authoritative tone.

It doesn't sit well with you.

"No."

That's all he heard before he's knocked on his ass. Breaking a few steps in the process with the amount of force you used on him. _I hope it hurt, fucker..._

"I don't think that stupid boy thought about any of this..." You hear the redhead speak again.

"Don't worry. You all are next..." You say as a dark laugh escapes your lips.

Whatever seeped inside is slowly taking over you completely. It's calm, yet maddening. Chaotic. Destructive. But so peaceful.

You see Mallory and the redhead trying to get away somewhere. _We can't have that, now can we?_ None of them are getting out of here alive. That much you know. You haven't decided yet if Michael gets the same privilege. You toy with them... taking the very breaths from their lungs with no effort. Hearing them struggling to breathe. The gurgling sounds coming from their throats from their airways being restricted is a beautiful sound to you. _Hmm Madison annoyed me the most... What to do, what to do..._

"Have something in your throat? Maybe I should help you out? A nice little cut will open that right up...." Your voice soft and sweet.  
Your knife slices her throat open. You smile as she bleeds out. The look on Cordelia's face is priceless. She's trying to say something but can't. You let go of your hold on them, for now...

The smell of copper fills your nose. You're dizzy. Fighting to reign it in but it's taken over. You've lost all control. The feeling you have surging through you doesn't feel like your own, yet it's threaded in your veins. It's completely consumed you now...

Hearing their thoughts, seeing their fears, feeling their hearts beating rapidly in their chests as they gasp for air while you steal their very last breaths. Feeling the burn in their lungs... You're enjoying it. You don't kill them just yet. You're playing with them like toys... Bringing them to the brink of death but never granting them sweet relief. You continue this game until you become distracted by a faint sound...

It all comes crumbling down when you feel something strange... _What is that?_

You feel Michael behind you now...

"Michael, what's happening to me?" You whisper.

_"You're just getting stronger... You just need better control, that's all. It's ok."_

_I hear it again..._

"Cordelia, the power coming off that girl isn't her own. It isn't like anything I've ever felt. It's much darker..."

Cordelia looks at you in shock, why, you don't know. Then sets her sight straight to Michael. If looks could kill...

"Oh my god... What have you done?" She asks shocked.

_"Nothing that concerns you. Y/N..."_

The tension in the air can be felt in your bones...

"Y/N doesn't know, does she?"

"Cordelia. Don't. Or I'll let her finish what she started."

You're in a daze. You hear them talking maybe. You aren't sure. Your legs feel like they can no longer hold you up.

Then you hear it again. It's clearer. A heart beat.

"A heart beat..." You say barely above a whisper.

"What?"

"A heart beat. I hear a heart beat. It's fast. And it's not mine..." You whisper.

The room stills...

"That's where her power is coming from."

"It's not possible. I can't have- I'm not suppo-" Words are lost on your tongue.

You feel Michael crouch down beside you. He takes your hand and puts it over a certain spot under your belly button. You could hear the heart beat loud and clear. Holy shit. Tears start streaming down your face.

"You knew, didn't you?"

_"I did."_

"You knew this whole time."

You want to bash his face in. That would have to wait, bigger matters need to be addressed first... You can feel her. You hear her thoughts... _Mallory._ He looks at you. _ **She won't suspect you...** He's right. Maybe._ **This isn't over.** _**I know...**_  
You leave Michael to deal with the rest of the mess he made. You'll deal with Mallory. You can feel her. Her magic is unlike the others. You hear the whispers coming from a room upstairs. _There you are._

Keeping your footsteps light going towards the doorway, you hear the beginning of a spell of some sort. What are you planning? Better break up the fun now... "What do we have here?"

"Y/N."

_They don't trust me..._

"I'm sorry Mal. I can't let you do this..."

Before you can even react, like an impulse came over you out of no where, the redhead next to Mallory is set on fire. Everything seems to be going in slow motion. You grab Mallory by the throat and pull her out of the tub she was in. "I'm sorry, Mal." You simply hold her in place. You can smell the blood... You feel guilty looking at what you're doing to her even though you can feel it. She was the one person you cared about here. You were close to her. Had the world not been shit and things were completely different, you know she would have been happy for you. But this wasn't the case. Her heart is giving out... I feel like mine is too. The tears are welling up in your eyes. You felt her final breath. You don't move. You can't. Not yet. Opening your eyes, it hits you then... You close her eyes and lie next to her. Guilt settling deep in your chest. "I love you Mal. Forgive me." You stay there for a while. Not bothering with Michael or anything else that's going on. All you can hear is the sound of your own breathing and the sound of the tiny heart beat that's made itself known. "I hear you..."

Lost in a trance, you didn't hear Michael come in. If he spoke, you didn't hear him. You could only concentrate on Mallory's face.

 _"Y/N."_ He says softly.

You remained quiet for a few.

"She was the only one I was close to..."

_"I know. I'm sorry."_

"No, you're not. You don't give a shit about anyone but yourself."

 _"I care about you."_ His voice barely above a whisper.

_Did that really come out of his mouth?_

"You have a funny way of showing it..."

You get up off the floor. You can't stand looking at her dead body anymore. You can't look at Michael either. You know what will happen if you do. _He fucking lied to you. Don't be fucking stupid. He used you._ You just want your brain to shut off... You cover your nose to avoid the horrible smell that permeated the air. Making your way back to your room, you take notice of the blood that stains you. _I need a shower_. You wash away the blood, but the guilt still remains. It's permanently etched in your soul. Time no longer existed to you, you weren't sure how long you stood there with the water just hitting your face, trying to drown out your thoughts. _I wish it worked like this._ Finally having peeled yourself away from the wall, you decide to get out. Drying off, you notice that you're belly is swollen a bit. _How didn't I notice this before?_ The thought would have never crossed your mind because it was never supposed to happen for you. Accepting it a long time ago that it wasn't an option. You're once again startled by Michael's presence lingering around unknowingly.

_"Hi."_

"Hi." You whisper.

Nothing more is said. You're too much in your own thoughts. Michael is lost in his own.

_"I'm sorry about everything. I didn't plan on... this, to happen..."_

"This? What do you mean by, this?"

He swallows hard and won't look in your direction. You know it can't be good.

_"...You."_

_Hm._

"Really? I had a little chat with your father. All this was your fucking idea, not his. So tell me, what was your great plan for me, huh? I thought I was supposed to be dead with the rest of those fucks downstairs. Or did that suddenly change cause I'm knocked up? Which, is fucking mindblowing to me, since I can't carry a child. Medically speaking. So how the fuck did this even happen?" You're spewing everything at him in a rage. Everything in the room is starting to rattle around as your emotions are getting the better of you.

 _"Calm down."_ He whispers. _"I knew about you from the moment I arrived. I'm the reason you were put here. I saw the potential you had in you way back when. What I felt lurking inside of your soul isn't found in many... I knew with some guidance, I could mold you into something great. If my own father is impressed with you, then you exceeded my expectations. That's why you're still alive..."_

_So that's really all it was then..._

"And this?" Pointing to your stomach.

_"Wasn't part of the plan actually..."_

_What..._

"So you found me like a stray dog and for good measure, you purposefully knocked me up. Perfect."

_"It wasn't intentional. You being sterile doesn't stop me in any way..."_

_I should have stayed in hell..._

"So what now?" You ask coldly.

_"We're leaving soon."_

All you hear is his footsteps as he leaves. _That's a first._ A wave of sadness washes over you. _Is it mine?_ You aren't even sure anymore. So many emotions are taking over at once that you don't know how to handle it. With a wave of your hand, you slam the door shut. With tears streaming down your face, your start rubbing the tiny bump that you have forming. Whispering hoping Michael isn't listening in on you...

"So you're the one causing all this trouble..." You want to be happy, but everything weighing in on your mind prevents it. "Does your father's voice annoy you as much as it annoys me?" You feel happy for a moment. You smile. "I'll take that as a yes. Good to know you're on my side. At least someone is." You wonder what they're going to look like. What their personality will be like. If Michael will even love them. That worries you. Will he even give a shit? "I'm sure he'll at least care about you to some degree, in his own way. I already love you and I just found out about you. You'll always have me. You come first. I love your father, but he's not exactly father material. Guess I fucked up pretty badly there, huh?" That was the first time you ever admitted that out loud. _I shouldn't have said that._

_"Time to go..."_

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you actually got through reading this awful trash, one, I applaud you. Two, If it wasn't apparent by now, she's pretty much been corrupted, so to speak. Add in the demonic spawn she's now carrying. She pretty much went crazy.


	10. Where You Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I jumped the time a bit. That'll be explained eventually when I finish the actual fic itself. Also, there's smut. Light choking, kind of rough. Yeah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shouldn't even have to say it but I will anyway, this is like a month or so old and has been on Tumblr for a while. With that said, how this is left off, is purely coincidental. People are dicks and it's shark week so I ain't afraid to be mouthy right now lol

You could hear a pin drop with the silence that lingers in the air... Not a single word has been said since leaving the outpost. _What's there to possibly say at this point? What happens now?_ Having too much time to sit and think was never a good thing for you. Over analyzing every possible scenario in your mind, knowing that no matter what you came up with, it'll end up the same way... Then coming up with newer ones, that make you wonder if Michael would be that heartless. _It's entirely possible._ It's a vicious cycle you get yourself into and you only hurt yourself in the end. _Stop..._

If it weren't for the life growing inside your womb, you'd be in hell right now. Instead, you're heading to a place you were sure was just bullshit, and aren't even sure you really wanted to be. Only Michael would declare a place, "The Sanctuary" and have it sound like some sort of paradise fit for gods. _Sounds as pretentious as he can be._ _I think I still rather go to hell._ You're moods began to shift again. Slowly oscillating like a pendulum. It doesn't get much better upon arrival, though taking off the suit made you feel less irritated. The people greeting you must have felt something off about you. Silence greeted you everywhere you went. Michael broke the silence every time, informing a select few that you were "expecting" but you notice he wouldn't disclose any details about paternity. _Hm. Guess that's a secret. Interesting..._

Long endless hallways are becoming the bane of your existence. _Nice design asshole._ The main areas, much to your surprise are nothing like the dreary looking hallways. Looks very much like somewhere you've been recently... _Like father, like son._ You wonder if it's on purpose or purely coincidence. Michael's going on about something to the people in front of you, you don't really give a shit about what. As far as you're concerned, you're a stray he brought back cause you happened to be pregnant. End of story. Or at the very least, the story you plan on sticking to. What's happening in front of you is none of your business.

Looking around, you see the eyes of strangers leering your way. _What the fuck are these people staring at?_ Then you see the same look that falls upon most people in Michael's presence. _Lust._ Right. _Of course. He gets eye fucked by everyone he comes across... It's not worth the fucking headache._ You're broken out of your inner monologue by a chipper young thing named Amanda, who seemed all too pleased to show you to where you'd be staying and showing you around. _Great._

"You'll love it here, Y/N!"

_Why is she so happy?_

"Um, yeah, I'm sure I will."

"Mr. Langdon said to take good care of you. So that's what I plan to do."

_You've got to be fucking kidding me..._

"Great..." You say lowly.

"Let me know if you need anything. I'll let you get settled and then I'll be back in a bit and show you around."

"... Ok. Thanks."

She smiles and leaves.

_Finally._

_I don't want any of this._ The feeling in your chest is a painful reminder of something you wish to forget. _I just want to be numb again..._

Putting your hand on your belly, you try to put a smile on your face.

"I guess it's just you and me..."

\----------------------------------

_ **Four months** _

You settled into a routine. Despite Amanda's annoying upbeat personality, you got along with her quite well. She was a good opposite to your apathetic nature. You didn't want to admit it at first, but you enjoyed having her around. You hadn't really seen Michael since arriving to this place. You also knew better than to bother. _I knew this was how it would be. I'm not stupid._ Amanda kept you busy during the day, "Being cooped up all day isn't good for you, meaning it won't be good for the baby!" She seems more excited about the baby than you do. _Almost._

At four months now, you're starting to show a bit through clothing. You could still hide it, which you were secretly thankful for. It makes it easier to do things and not have people ask questions. Like when you started talking to someone you met... Amanda introduced you two one day and you've been talking to him almost daily. You've been teaching him how to properly play chess, he's slowly becoming good enough to play you without much help. You enjoy his company, but you can't help but feel guilty. _I'm pregnant with someone else's child._ Then you go back and forth rationalizing things from a logical perspective. _We aren't anything to eachother. He doesn't want any of this anyway. Fuck him._

"Y/N, where you off to?"

"Going down to meet Anthony."

"Again?" She asks surprised.

"Yes. Why, what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. Just wondering how...that's all going..."

"I just hang out with him. We're friends. I'm pregnant. Nothing's gonna come of it."

"You never know..." She shoots you a sly grin

"Amanda!"

"What?" She laughs.

"I'll be back in a little while."

You go down to the huge library knowing Anthony will be there waiting. You scanned the room and there he sat, at his usual seat, waiting for you. It was something small and stupid, but it felt nice. He smiled once he spotted you.

"Hey Y/N." He says with a big huge grin.

"Hey, Ant. Wait long?"

"A little, but you're good." He smirks.

"Sorry, Amanda was chatting me up."

"She's good at that."

You realize how much you're staring at him. _Why am I just noticing how hot he is?_ You catch yourself in the moment. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_

"You ok?"

"Yeah, sorry." You hide your face, slightly embarrassed. "So, let's get started..."

"I have a good feeling. I think I may actually beat you."

_Doubtful._

"Let's see if my teaching paid off."

As the game starts and progresses, you notice he's been practicing. _I'm impressed. Still not at my level though..._ You could let him win and let him have his victory. Ultimately, you decided he had to earn it.

"Check." You smile.

"Shit."

"You've gotten a lot better though. You've been practicing..."

"I have, actually."

_His eyes are the same color as Michael's. A lot of similar features too. Fuck. I guess I also have a type._

_I can't do this..._

"Y/N, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired. I'll see you around..." You offer a soft smile.

"Yeah, I'll see you. Hopefully." The way he bit his lip as he said that made your heart flutter.

_You were fucked over once already. Don't be a fucking fool._

You walk away as fast as possible without making it seem obvious. You needed to be alone. When you reached your room, you were glad to see Amanda had left. I hope she doesn't decide to check on me. _I don't want to deal with anyone tonight._ Keeping busy, you try and read a bit, giving up once you see that you have to keep re-reading the same pages because you aren't paying attention. _That was a waste of time._

 

"What do you think little one, huh?" Softly rubbing your belly. You lie there, following the heartbeat, hoping to feel them move soon. "I can't wait to see what you look like. Hopefully it's more like me. I'm doing all the work." Tears start pooling out of no where. _Fucking hormones._

\----------------------------

_**Five Months** _

"Wow, Y/N, you've noticably popped in the last month!"

"Yeah, there's no hiding it now."

"Can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Sure."

"Is it hard, being pregnant and not having the father around? Are you lonely not having anyone to share it all with?"

You were expecting a question about who the father is. Not this. It cut you deep.

"The father is dead. Nothing I can do about it. It is lonely. It's hard knowing they'll never met them. I have to do this alone, what choice do I have?"

You didn't notice you were crying until it was too late. You blame it on the hormones.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't asked."

"It's ok. I'm gonna shower and go to bed." You try and stop it from going any furthur.

"Ok. See you tomorrow." She says lowly. She looks as though she regrets it.

Amanda's questions kept lingering around in your head the rest of the night. All this is a lot harder than you thought it'd be. You became attached. _Now I have a daily reminder of him inside of me._ Standing in front of the mirror, you see how much you've grown over the past 5 months. _Amanda wasn't kidding..._ You're making your way to bed when you feel it... Thinking it's a fluke you ignore it at first, then a noticable kick stops you dead in your tracks...

"I felt that..." You can barely contain the sob that follows. _Your father is missing this... Fucking bastard._ "Do it again." A flutter of tiny kicks can be felt. "You're a real little person in there now." The kicking continues... You're lost in the moment when the scent of a familiar someone invades your nostrils. _Are you playing tricks on me little one? It's not funny..._

 _"It's kicking..."_ The familiar voice whispers.

You froze. _Breathe. Just breathe._

"Yeah. It is." You say quickly. Attempting to keep your voice even.

_What could he want after all this time? Besides stating the obvious..._

He's closer than you realize when you feel his hand rest on your stomach. A hard kick greets his hand and surprises you at how hard it felt on your end. Both of his hands cause an assault on your insides you weren't expecting. _I didn't do anything to you, kid. Take it easy in there..._ Michael's heart is racing against your back. Something unusual catches your attention. _His breathing. Is he crying?_ You don't say anything. You try and break the silence instead...

"Someone is either very happy or very pissed off in there." You whisper.

He doesn't say anything. Just moves his hands along your stomach. Following the baby. Until a bit later when you realize what was going on... Baby was following his movements.

_"Happy. I can feel it."_

You can too. _All this time with just us two went right out the window, huh? You must be a girl... Traitor._

"Why are you here?"

You feel him tense up. The words that come out of his mouth makes yours go dry.

_"I miss you."_

_What am I supposed to say to that?_

You wanted to tell him you missed him too. But you couldn't. There was plenty you wanted to say. Would it even matter?

Placing your hands over his, the somersaults going on inside you ease up some. He relaxed a bit too.

"Lay with me for a bit?" You whisper.

He slowly but eagerly follows.

Like times before, no words are spoken... And just like times before, come morning, this too will be forgotten about and ignored. Why you choose to do this to yourself, you aren't sure. When you wake up alone, it doesn't surprise you. You expected it. You would have thought it was a dream if it weren't for his smell still lingering on you.

A tiny presence is making themselves known... "Maybe he'll actually want to see you once your born..."

\------------------------------

_**Six Months** _

"Thought of any names yet?"

"Not really. I have a small handful I like but that's about it. They're all girl names though. If this kid's a boy, he's screwed. There's not a single boy name I like enough to use."

"Come on, there has to be one we can find. Just in case you go into labor early or something. You need a name."

"I'm only six months along, still have time."

"I wasn't named until a month after my birth cause my parents couldn't decide. They kept changing my name cause they decided to wait until a name jumped at them when I was born. Seriously, don't do that to that poor baby."

"Yikes. Ok. Give me something then. I'm all ears."

"Let's see... Brandon? Steven? Aiden? Jackson?..."

"You clearly don't know me at all. No, no, no and no."

"Michael?"

That got you.

Amanda looks at you strangely.

"Y/N, what is it?"

"Nothing, um, no that's out too."

"I think you're just too picky."

"Maybe."

"What about Anthony?"

"That would be weird. I'd rather not name it after anyone I know."

"Why? Cause you want to fuck him but won't?"

"Holy fuck, Amanda! Did you really just say that?" A nervous laugh escapes your lips.

"Oh please, it's so obvious. He looks at you like he's ready to devour you."

"I'm pregnant with someone else's kid. Why would he want me in the first place?"

"Why not? I could see you two together. And hello, have you seen him? He's fucking hot."

_I have noticed._

"Maybe he figures since I'm pregnant that I'm easy..."

"I've known Ant for a while now. He wouldn't bother if he wasn't interested. Take a chance. Don't kill me for saying this, but, you're clearly lonely. Maybe this will be good for you."

_Maybe she's right. Michael doesn't want me. Why push away someone who actually does?..._

"Maybe you're right. It's just hard. Things with the father were... complicated, to say the least. Things with me are complicated." You whisper.

"What isn't? Everyone is a mess. You aren't alone. Who knows what could happen?" She offers you a kind smile.

"You're a terrible influence, Miss Amanda." You smirk.

"Well I'm about to be worse... There's a party tonight. You're going. I'm not taking "no" for an answer."

"Why? I don't want to go to a shitty party."

"It's one of Mr. Langdon's lavish parties. Why not have a little fun. I'm sure Anthony will be there..." She gives you a side eye.

_Hmm._

"You're not gonna leave me alone until I agree, are you?"

"Nope." Enunciating the entire word for effect.

You groan. "Fine."

She smiles as she gets her way.

"Just one thing, what exactly am I supposed to wear? In case you haven't noticed. I'm a fucking whale."

"Hardly. Leave it to me. Anthony will be hard as a rock the second he sees you when I'm done with you."

"What did I just agree to?"

"Wouldn't you like to know? Just let me work my magic!"

You don't know why you agreed to do any of this. _Maybe part of me does._ You knew you needed to get over it. To get over him. Yet here you where, potentially throwing yourself into the fire just to feel the burn. _There really is no hope for me._ You decided that you were making a choice. You were choosing Anthony. If he wanted you. _I need to think with my head, not my heart._

You let Amanda use you as a doll. You've never been picked and prodded at as much as you were right in this moment. "Will you stop moving!" "If you stop sticking shit in my eye I will!" "I'm not going to, stop!" "Amanda, I'm gonna kill you!" This went on for over an hour. "Amanda, I can't wear this, I'm almost naked." "So? There's probably gonna be people there actually naked." "Maybe If I weren't pregnant I could get away with this." "Dude, your tits look amazing."  
You were starting to regret it until you saw the final product. You had to admit, she did pretty damn good. Even if the dress she stuffed you in left nothing to the imagination.

"Are you trying your hardest to get Ant laid tonight?"

"You better get laid after all the work I just put into you tonight!"

"So soft curls, smokey eyes, red lips and a dark dress will distract away from this massive stomach enough to get me laid you think?"

"You tits are a big enough distraction that I doubt anyone will even notice the belly at first anyway."

"Well that makes me feel better. Oddly enough."

You waited for Amanda to finish up and had to keep yourself from throwing up. Your nerves were all over. Could you really go through with sleeping with someone else? Does it make you a whore for thinking about it? _What the hell am I doing?_ You wanted to just back out and stay in your room for the night, but you knew Amanda would have your head if you dare say anything. You'd feel bad after all the trouble she went through for you. Someone else must have been feeling something too. They weren't shy about letting you know either. "I know. I know..." You weren't ready for this...

"Ready?"

"Sure." _Not at all..._

You two head out and you try your hardest not to trip over your stupid heels that Amanda insisted you wear. And try not to throw up in the process from your nerves.

"I can't wait to see Anthony's face when he sees you."

"Can I take these fucking shoes off now?"

"No! Stop complaining and move your ass."

You got a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach upon walking into the huge area full of people. You couldn't help but notice the lack of clothing everywhere. _Amanda was right. Half these people were pretty much naked._ You felt like shark bait with the eyes staring at you as you walk in. _I'm clearly wearing too much clothes for this._ You distracted yourself by admiring the decor. There was no mistaking the company you were in. _Why doesn't any of this surprise me? Pretty sure I'm the only person here who hasn't actually sold their soul. Ironic consider the child I'm carrying._ You feel Amanda grab a hold of you and lead you off somewhere. _Someone is active tonight. Why are you kicking me so much little one?_

"Look who I found." She says proudly.

It was Anthony.

"Y/N, you look... Wow."

"Thanks. I let Amanda use me like a dress up doll. She does good work."

"She has a good model to work with."

_He's good._

You couldn't stop admiring him. Even you had to admit, he looked tempting in an all black suit. His face looks different now that a scruffy beard starting to grow in. You wondered how it would feel between your thighs. _What the fuck. Stop it._

"What do you think of all this?" He asks.

"It's a lot of black." You joke. "Doesn't really surprise me though. I also feel like I'm wearing too much clothes, which is probably a good thing, considering..." You point to your stomach.

He smiles.

"So, how have you been, Mr. Anthony?" You bat your eyes.

"Good. I've been practicing my game by the way. I'm confident that next time, I can finally beat you."

"That's a big assumption. Bigger men have tried and lost. I'm quite good. I can't seem to be conquered."

"I'm up for the challenge." He whispered.

Your breath caught in your throat.

You hear something going on in the crowd behind you. Amanda makes her way back towards you. "Time for everyone's panties to start dropping." "What?" "Mr. Langdon is here, that's why everyone's losing their shit." Fuck.

"What's the big deal?"

"Y/N, he's the Antichrist. He's our Lord and Savior." Anthony chimes in.

_You've got to be fucking kidding me..._

"And? How is that suppose to impress or scare me in any way? I've met him. Wasn't anything special."

They both look at you like your fucking crazy.

"He's killed for far less. I'd be careful." Anthony says nervously.

"Hm." You smile.

_If they only knew..._

You keep getting kicked like crazy. _I know kid. Relax._

"You ok?" Amanda asks worried.

"Yeah, baby's kicking. They've gotten a lot stronger in the past month."

"Ooh let me feel!" Amanda is excitely feeling around as the baby is kicking away.

"Ant, come feel, this is crazy."

"I don't know, is it weird if I do?"

"No it's fine." You say.

You place his hand where the baby is kicking and right on cue, you feel a looming presence nearby.

"Mr Langdon is coming this way." Amanda says quietly.

 _Fuck._ Anthony moves away from you.

"And what do we have here?" Condesending tone in his voice.

The tension can be cut with a knife. Amanda and Anthony are staring at the awkward silence between you two. Not sure what to make of it.

"The infamous Mr. Langdon. To what do we owe the pleasure?" Your voice sounding more seductive than you had intended. It didn't go unnoticed.

"Just came to see how everyone is enjoying themselves. I see you're doing well..."

"Doing fine." You quickly retorted.

The baby is going crazy inside of you. He knew it. The shit eating grin on his face said it all. He said nothing more as he turned around and walked away.

"Y/N, what the fuck was that?" Amanda whispered.

"What?"

She looked at you like she wanted to say something, but quickly dropped it. Your mood was instantly soured. Luckily, being able to blame it on hormones worked in your favor a lot and no one questioned it. The night went on without much drama, which you were happy for. Anthony kept you entertained. He could keep you engaged in conversation. He's hot and smart. Maybe this isn't so bad after all... You made the mistake of glancing over at Michael. He's been with the same girl all night. Practically fucking her in front of everyone. You decide to have a little fun. _It's been a while..._ She was surprised when her glass unexpectedly shattered in her hand for no reason. _Oops._ You don't have to look over to feel Michael's eyes on you.

_**Really?** _

**Wasn't me...**

"Ant, I'm tired, I think I'm gonna go."

"Ok. I'll walk you."

_Holy shit._

"Ok." You smile nervously.

He takes your hand and slowly leads the way. You feel someone's eyes gazing in your direction. You ignore it. _You had your chance._ It isn't long before you two are stopped by an annoying presence.

"Leaving so soon?"

_Fuck._

"I'm tired. Pregnant and all... It was fun. You should get back to, whatever it was you were doing. It's not polite for the host to leave."

Anthony seems confused and uncomfortable. Michael sets his sight to him right away...

_"Perhaps, you should leave. Now. I'll make sure she gets back safely."_

**Stop.** He backed off.

"It's ok, Ant. Go. I'll be fine." You say reassuringly.

He gives your hand a tight squeeze before walking off, leaving you two to stand there awkwardly until he's gone.

"What the fuck was that?"

_"I'm sorry, breaking glasses in people's hands is much better."_

"You started it by making a scene in front of him and Amanda before. Why? Cause he touched me?" You feel yourself getting worked up. You don't want to give him the satisfaction. "Why the fuck are we doing this?... I'm leaving."

You start walking away before you say something you'll regret.

_"Wait."_

"What."

_"Come for a walk with me."_

"Why would I want to do that?" Sarcasm laced in your words.

_"Please."_

You debated if it was a good idea or not. Your head screamed "no." Your heart said something completely different. When you started slowly walking towards him, it was clear which one won that argument. _Why am I doing this to myself?_ Your heart is pounding in your chest as he's leading you to a hallway you've never been down. Leading you into an elevator. "Plan on finally sacrificing me?"

_"Not unless you ask nicely."_

"Guess you're shit out of luck there then."

Your nerves kick into overdrive being in an elevator alone with him. Didn't help you two were looking at eachother like you were either going to fight, fuck or both. _You never know with him..._ You take your shoes off. "Fuck these things." A pleased groan escaping your lips.

_"Better?"_

"You have no fucking idea. Amanda's brilliant idea. Should throw them at her face."

The door opens and before you can grab your shoes, he bends down taking them for you and walks out. "Thanks." You mumble. You slowly follow him to what you're only half certain will be your death. _Baby is probably the only thing saving my ass right now._ You finally reach a door at the far end of the hall. He motions you in first. You're not sure to what to expect. Or why you're even here to begin with. The fireplace is the first thing you notice. The bed second. _Shit, I'm in his room._ You hear the thud of your shoes being dropped to the floor. Then the lock of the door... With that, your heart is hammering away in your chest. You're trying to keep your breathing under control. _Stop._

"Why are we here?" You ask lowly.

You feel him brush up against you suddenly. His lips grazing the shell of your ear as he whispers. _"To talk."_

Goosebumps instantly line your skin. _Fucker._

"Then talk." Your voice cold.

_"You seemed to be enjoying yourself tonight."_

"I was. Had you not intervened, I could still be enjoying myself..."

 _"Doubtful."_ He says through gritted teeth.

"Really?" You say amused. "What makes you say that?"

_"I only looked at you and that sweet little cunt of yours was soaked and ready for me. I can taste you. There wasn't any of that happening with your little friend downstairs... Even when you were thinking about his face buried between your thighs."_

_Shit. Of course he listened to that part._

"And? What does that have to do with you? What I do is none of your business."

_"You're carrying my child."_

"Now you want to acknowledge that you have a child on the way? I've only been pregnant for 6 months. Being pregnant with your child doesn't mean shit. Just means you fucked me. Which no one knows about anyway. This baby has no father as far as everyone here is concerned."

He was angry. You didn't care. You made sure he knew exactly what you felt.

"You have no right to say anything just because I'm pregnant with your child; a child that you won't even admit to having in the first place. You can be knee deep in a whore of your choosing but I decide I want something with someone who actually wants to fucking be with me, and you're trying to fucking ruin it for me... It's not ok, Michael. Is that why you brought me here? To stop me from potentially sleeping with him? That's fucking pathetic."

You felt angry tears starting to form.

"I can't do this. I'm done."

_"We're not done here."_

You knew what would happen if you stayed. You felt it the entire time you were around him. _I can't give in._ You gave him a stern look in the eyes. Hoping to stand your own ground, despite the feeling in your chest...

"Yes we are..."

The air is taken from your lungs in one swift motion between the force you were taken against the door and the intensity of Michael's mouth all over yours. It didn't register at first. Once it sunk in, you couldn't believe you were back in this mess again. Yet, you won't do anything to stop it either. _Why am I doing this to myself?_ You wanted to push him away and slap him as hard as you could. Feeling his hands on you, his lips on yours... You give in... and you hate yourself for it.

_This is just sex. Nothing more._

You know it's a lie, but one you need to tell yourself for the inevitable walk of shame that's to come later.

Goosebumps explode all over your skin when his hand finds the slit of your dress and runs up your inner thighs, stopping to graze his fingertips on your wet panties. Your breathing picks up a bit at the contact. He breaks his lips away from yours, leaving you breathless. _"Let's see what's inside..."_ His voice raspy as he reaches his hand inside and slowly runs his fingers through your folds. You bite your lip to keep the small moans from leaving your mouth. _"Look at that. You're dripping..."_ His fingers carefully tease, avoiding where you're aching to be touched most. "Michael..." His name no more than a groaned whisper on your tongue. _"We can do better than that."_ You felt a familiar sting, a stretch you haven't felt in so long. Moving ever so slow as he buries his fingers in you. The gasp that falls from your lips echoes in the silence of the room. It's short lived as he abruptly removes them and lazily circles your clit in a slow torturous manner causing you to groan at the loss of contact. _Fucking tease._ You pull him in for a kiss, softly biting his lip, feeling the moans stirring in his chest... _Two can play this._ He deepens it instantly. Tasting you like a starved man, his tongue is fucking your mouth while his fingers resume fucking your cunt with the same vigor. Barely able to contain yourself anymore, you broke away from him, completely devoid of oxygen, "I want you. Now."

You were expecting some sort of smart ass comment or resistance. None of which came. Slowly sliding his fingers out, the loss of contact causes a small whimper to catch in your throat. _"Don't worry, we're just getting started..."_ Bringing his fingers to his mouth to lick them clean of you. A moan of satisfaction rumbling deep in his chest. You pushed him away from you to get out of the uncomfortable position he had you against the door and lead yourself towards the bed. _I need to take control of this. No emotions..._

_"Someone's eager."_

"Just shut up and fuck me."

He wasted no time. He closed the gap separating the two of you in the blink of an eye. Lips finding each others, his tongue dominating yours in every way. His hands groping wherever he can touch. Clawing to pull clothing off one another. _Of course he's the princess wearing a million layers._ Parting from your mouth, his lips trail their way towards your ear. _"On the bed. Hands and knees. Now."_ His voice a low growl. Anxiety set in instantly once you turn and set you hands down. Your breathing quickens. _"Up."_ He whispers. You oblige. Slowly. Crawling up and positioning yourself on all fours like a bitch in heat waiting to be mounted. A chill runs down your spine when you feel the bed dip behind you. You can feel the heat of his body close to your skin. The anticipation is building up inside of you... His scent already starting to linger on your skin. You're lost in it... Until a harsh slap against your ass jolts you out of it.

"Michael!" Your breath caught in your throat from surprise.

_"That's for letting him touch you."_

"Fuck you."

His hand comes down harder the second time. Leaving behind a delicious sting you didn't know you wanted. Or needed.

_"That's the plan..."_

Placing one hand on your hip, he strokes himself with the other before bringing the tip through your slit. You're biting your lip at the tension building as he's purposefully gliding his dick against you, paying close attention to your clit. He pulls away, puts himself at your entrance and stills. He won't move. You know he wants to. Tell me it's ok... "It's ok." You whisper. With that, he thrusts in hard and deep, yet slow enough to make sure you felt him completely. You nearly choked on your breath from how fast it escaped your lungs. The animalistic growl that came from deep within him was one you've never heard before.

Before you can take a moment, you feel him pulling out and thrusting back into you as deeply as he can. He's keeping a very slow, but painful rhythm. You grip the sheet until your knuckles are white. _"I should - dispose of that - fucking asshole."_ _He's talking about Anthony..._ "Cause you feel - threatened?" You can barely speak. "You - don't own me." That stopped him completely. You turned to look at him and see the anger in his face. He leans in close to you, leaving small, light kisses on your neck. _This won't be good. It never is when you get him mad._

He runs his hand through your hair, tenderly at first. Twirling it around his long fingers and suddenly pulls back harshly. His lips ghost the shell of your ear as he resumes fucking you. _"I guess - I'll have to remind you - who you belong to."_ Straining to get the words out as he viciously fucks you. You feel him thrust so hard that your entire body shuddered as he held himself against you. "Mich-" He's unrelenting. You don't know how much more you can take, but you want him in any way he's willing to give. With stray tears falling, you took whatever he gave, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing you quit.

Someone decides they aren't happy. They let you know at the worst possible time with erratic kicks... Michael must have felt them too, he stopped as soon as the baby started going crazy. Great timing kid. "Someone's not happy with us." You whisper.

_"Someone's not happy with me. Lie on your back."_

"Why?" You turn and look at him confused.

 _"Just trust me."_ He whispers.

Your happy to be off your knees, which are know burning from how long you've been on them. Lying down, you can visibly see movement gliding across your stomach. Michael's eyes are transfixed on the sight of it. He carefully rubs your belly, his warm hands feel comforting against your skin. The kicking subsides some. _I really do think you're a girl. You melt to your fathers touch too._ He comes closer and whispers something to your stomach that you can't hear. He kisses your belly afterwards. Where did that come from? He's looking up at you with watery eyes. "What?" You whisper. He quickly makes his way up towards you, his lips crash onto yours before you can say anything else. It's intimate, the kind that causes butterflies in your stomach. It'll be short lived. I know better.

You feel him positioning himself between your legs, barely giving you a moment before he's burying himself inside of you. You bite down on his lip hard while he's filling you up to the hilt. "Michael..." his name slips from your lips in a breathy moan. You lift your knees higher against him, he instantly deepens his thrusts. You're already a mess under him... _"You think he'd fuck you like this?"_ He groaned in your ear. You decided to get under his skin. "I'll let you know - and get back to you." You suddenly feel his hand against your throat, tightening his grip just enough to feel your pulse quicken. _"I don't share."_ He snapped. His pace increased as he got angrier with every answer you shot back at him between moans. "Tough shit." You weren't going to last much longer.

His grip tightens a little more. You tense up. _He may actually kill me. "Look at me."_ Through half lidded eyes, you can see his blown out pupils, he's keeping his composure better than you are. He slows down his pace... _"The only cock you'll be cumming on, is mine. Understood?"_ _Is he really expecting me to answer that?_ He started fucking into you hard and slow. _"Are - we - clear?"_ Thrusting hard with his words. "...Yes."

 _"You're. Mine."_ You're heart both swelled yet broke. You knew once he was done fucking you, they held no weight to them. _It's just sex..._

Your hips starting bucking into his. You were coming undone fast. Finally letting go of your throat, his hand travels down until he reaches your clit, rubbing harsh circles as he destroys your cunt. You feel the tension building up deep inside of you... Your nails are a permanent fixture in Michael's skin, his lips just grazing yours feel like a tease. His pace became fast yet sloppy. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, you can hear his muffled groans. You start clenching down on him. "Micha-" It dies on your lips. Only moans are slipping past them now as your climax crashes through you.

You weren't coherent anymore. Neither was Michael. By the sounds of his moans, your cunt cumming on him has him losing his resolve. _"Fuck..."_ He growls lowly. A few thrusts and your name is falling from his lips as if it's the only truth he's ever known. You feel him pulsating as he's cumming inside of you. The vibration of the groan that came from his chest could be felt against yours. He steadily stills, trying to gather himself. Ragged breathing is all that is left between you two...

Neither of you wanted to move. Or speak. Maybe because you both knew where it was going. _I should just leave now._ _"I didn't hurt you, did I?"_ His voice low.

"No. I'm ok."

A light gasp escapes as he slides out of you. He lies next to you and instinctually pulls you close. A habit you missed. _Wonder how many people he does this with?_ You push that thought out of your mind for now, knowing all it will do is upset you. _And for what? It's pointless..._ No words are spoken. They never are. Just the sounds of his breathing. It's all you hear, all you can focus on. You lie there for a while, quietly, just feeling him on your skin. Once his breathing deepened, you knew he had fallen asleep. You didn't want to leave, but you knew you had to...

You get up, get dressed and leave quietly. Like you were never even there. The hallway seems so long as you make your shameful walk back. You reach the elevator and you almost talk yourself out of it. You decide against it and push the button. You step in and push for your floor. Your heart feels heavy as the doors begin to close. Until it unexpectedly starts to open again... _"Going somewhere?"_ There's Michael, in all his glory, naked as the day he was born.

"Michael! Seriously? What's the matter with you?"

_"You left."_

"You couldn't put pants on?"

_"Why are you leaving?"_

"Are we really doing this right here, like this?" You pointed out the awkwardness of the situation.

 _"Answer. Me."_ He said through gritted teeth.

You didn't know how to answer.

"We both know why you brought me here tonight. We don't have to pretend it was anything more than that."

_"What?"_

Am I really doing this? You try your best not to jumble your words as your thoughts are racing and spilling out of your mouth...

"I figured I'd leave before anyone saw me. It's just easier. I can't do this anymore. I know that this isn't what you wanted. I know that I'm not what you want... and I have to be ok with that. We have our moments but once you get your dick wet, it's done. I want more than you'd ever be willing, or able, to give me." You're fighting back tears, refusing to meet his gaze as words are stumbling out.

_I shouldn't have opened my mouth. I can't take any of this back..._

_"That's not true. You're what I want."_

"You only want me cause someone else wants me."

 _"That's fucking bullshit. I. WANT. YOU."_ He snapped.

You know this game. You know it all too well.

"...Ok. We'll see how you feel in a few days. That's usually a good indicator of how you actually feel."

He looks at you pensively for a moment. When you realize he had nothing to say, you knew you were done. You start to step back into the elevator when he stops you...

_"Y/N."_

What else is there to say?

_"I love you..."_


	11. Never Tear Us Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally picks up right where the last chapter left off. It's pretty much just a fluffy filler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me 3 weeks to write this soft shit. No shame, it took me being drunk to finish it in one sitting. Which explains everything that is fundamentally wrong with me as a person.

_"I love you..."_

"What?" Voice straining as tears are welling up.

_"You heard me."_

You heard. Loud and clear. _I didn't think that word was in your vocabulary..._

"You don't have to do this."

_"Do what?"_

"I'm not gonna sleep with him. No need to say something you don't mean cause you think -"

_"You can't help yourself can you? You have to-"_

"I can't help wha-"

 _"Don't fucking speak."_ He snapped at you.

You're stunned. _Is he fucking serious?_

_"You have to constantly challenge me, no matter what it is. You just have to argue. I think you do it intentionally, just to piss me off. Often times, I think I should have left you in hell. Would have saved myself a lot of hassle and bullshit..."_

"Maybe you fucking should have." You bite.

_"You're a huge pain in my fucking ass, you know that?"_

"You tend to remind me constantly. I'm starting to think it's a term of endearment."

His shoulders slump down as he lets out a deep sigh. _Maybe he's tired of fighting too._

_"You drive me to the brink of utter fucking insanity... Yet, you manage to ground me in a way no one else can all the same. You're a fucking mess and somehow, I need you more than you need me...You, the quiet storm that left a devastating path of destruction in her wake, managed to also destroy me in the process; something I never thought possible. But you did. You've ruined me and I hate you for it."_

He won't look at you anymore. Words are slowly dying on his lips... You very slowly take a singular step closer to him before he starts talking again...

_" I look for you whenever I walk into a room... Even when I know you won't be there, I still fucking look... I shouldn't, but I do. None of this was supposed to happen. You're damaged. You're fucking crazy. You fight with me over everything, even when you agree with me; makes me want to snap your fucking neck with how angry your stubborness makes me. Then you'll look at me... No one else looks at me with the same fire and intensity in their eyes like you do, like you're harboring some great secret I'll never unlock. And in a way you do. I've seen every corner of your mind, the deepest parts of your soul, in every aspect imaginable and you are still an enigma I can't piece together... A quiet little mouse with a depraved soul. What a conundrum you turned out to be."_

"You're making me out to be a lot more complicated than I really am." You can barely speak above a whisper. You're practically shocked into silence at the admissions coming from Michael's own mouth.

_"Am I? You're a myriad of complications. Of stress. Of frustrations. You are single handedly going to be the fucking death of me... And I'd happily accept it. What the fuck is wrong with me?"_

Convinced he's lost his fucking mind, words escaping his lips are ones he never meant to say out loud. _I guess I wasn't the only one between us fighting this..._ Quietly placing your shoes down, taking a few deep breaths, you muster up the courage to carefully close the gap between you two while he's having an internal crisis. "Michael." Nothing. "Michael." Still nothing... _I never should have opened my mouth._ The feeling of guilt suddenly comes creeping in. Then you have an epiphany that aches you to your very core... _He regrets me. He regrets this. That's what all this is about. The guilt isn't mine, it's his..._

_"The regret I have is how I've handled everything. I don't regret you."_

He's been listening to your thoughts more than you previously thought... Not entirely sure where you two stand now, or where to even go from here, you feel completely defeated. _We can't go back from here now. What's done is done._ In an act of surrender on your part, you completely close the gap between you two... Resting your face against his chest, you can feel his heart beating rapidly. Your hands are shaking as you lock your arms around his waist, lightly pulling him in close to you. His body tenses up at the contact. You don't expect him to reciprocate. You don't expect anything. With Michael, you never do. You feel the warmth of his body, the allure of his skin, you don't want to let him go. He lets out a shakey breath that makes you think he may have been holding it in for a while. You break away since it seems that your touch is paining him. _He can fuck me like I'm a whore but anything else and he recoils. And he says I'm complicated._

_"You've never done that before."_

It wasn't lost on you. There's never been much physical contact that took place outside the walls of a bedroom, or any place that wasn't hidden, that eventually became sexual... _If any_ , you realize. _We are entirely fucked up._

_"Do it again."_

The emotion in his voice doesn't go unnoticed. Still, you were more than happy to oblige. _Maybe too eager on my part_ , you think. _Fuck it._ You didn't want to fight it. Everything had grown to be too much, too heavy to bear. You were tired... He instantly leaned into your touch, which surprises you. _How touch starved am I for him that this seems so much more intimate than fucking? Am I really this fucked up?_ The thoughts keep coming... _I'm in love with someone who loves me, but doesn't want to. Perfect. As if our kid wasn't going to be fucked up as is, add in how it's own father rather ignore you both cause he doesn't want to love you? Typical Michael dramatics._ You're so lost in your own thoughts at this point, you don't realize you're internalizing everything and Michael is intently listening to your inner ramblings. A chaste kiss on the top of your head breaks you out of it... _"I want this..."_ He whispers.

Your brows furrowed and confusion sets in as you wonder what the hell he was talking about. "What's "this" exactly?"

_"Us. To be a family... I want all of it. I'm not good at this, I know that. When one's not fed love on a silver spoon, they learn to lick it off of knives..."_

_Did he finally lose his fucking mind? This isn't the Michael I know at all..._

_"I lost my fucking mind a long time ago. You're the only thing that brings me any sort of peace... As crazy as you make me. The irony..."_

"You've been listening in on my thoughts a lot..."

He sighs deeply. "I missed your voice... I guess it's a habit now."

The feeling between you two feels different in that moment. As if the tension is slowly fading away. Maybe it's dangerous to assume things. But you don't care anymore...

_"This is different..."_

"What is?"

_"We've never done... this, before..."_

Something like a simple embrace shouldn't be so strange, yet it is. He was just fucking you earlier tonight. You're six months pregnant with his child. Yet you two have never done something small like this. This almost feels more sexual than actual sex.

"Not standing up."

He chuckled. _"It's oddly intimate. And feels, strangely, safe."_

"Yeah..." Your voice soft. "It's very comforting. It feels like-"

_"Home."_

You knew exactly what he meant. And fuck, if it didn't make your heart skip a beat.

_"Come on."_

Before you even had time to react, Michael is sweeping you off your feet. Literally.

"Michael, what the fuck are you doing?" You asked confused.

He starts walking with you back down the hall.

_"Going back to bed..."_

"Um, I can walk you know..."

 _"Where's the fun in that?"_ A smirk on his face.

"Hm. You know, this would almost seem romantic, if you weren't stark naked." You stifle back a laugh.

_"Well, we can just leave that part out if we ever decide to tell the kids about this."_

That got your attention...

"Kids? I thought this was a "one and done" deal. Or did you knock someone else up too?"

He doesn't answer right away, which makes your stomach turn slightly. You're back in the room before he finally opens his mouth.

_"No. Just you."_

He didn't need to go prying into your mind to know that you were secretly relieved. It was easily written on your face. Once he sets you down, you make your way towards the bed, discarding your dress in the process. You can feel his eyes on you without having to look.

"This doesn't mean I've fully forgiven you. You pretty much fucking abandoned me. You're lucky you got to touch me. You didn't deserve it."

_"I know."_

You can feel him slowly making his way close to you...

"You still don't."

You're already a sopping wet mess between your legs as he's flush against your back now. _Fucking bastard._

 _"I know."_ His lips whisper against the shell of your ear.

You decide right in that moment, he's your toy for the remainder of the night.

"If you aren't going to properly care for your things, you won't be allowed to play with them... Stand here and don't move." You whisper.

Placing yourself comfortably on the bed, you lie on your back, bring your knees up and spread your legs to give Michael a full view of what he won't get to partake in.

"Let this be your first lesson..." Looking him straight in the eyes, you bring your fingers to your mouth and waste no time as you bring them straight down to your wet folds. Lazily running your fingers up and down, slowly. Making sure not to break eye contact...

 _"What are you doing?"_ Trying his best to remain calm.

"Showing you what happens when you don't behave..." It comes out a breathy moan.

Michael clearly isn't happy. Placing his hands on your knees, he eyes your cunt in a trance. "Someone looks like he's hungry..."

 _"Famished."_ He groaned.

His hands start to descend to your inner thighs.

"No. You get... nothing."

His hands still in place. Fingertips become embedded in your skin.

The more your fingers work your wet slit, the louder your moans became. The intensity of Michael's stare, knowing he wasn't allowed to touch, made it all the more sweeter. The pain of his fingertips digging into your thighs, the sounds of his heavy breathing, it all added to the intense high when you finally felt the wave of pleasure wash over you when you came.

You give yourself a minute to catch your breath, all the while, Michael's eyes haven't left your face. He's livid that you got yourself off when he should have been doing it. He's also very visibly turned on by what he just watched. You're reveling in this...

"Come here, open your mouth..."

He hovers over you and eagerly waits. Once you took your fingers away from yourself and brought them to his lips, he knew exactly what to do. Watching him lick your fingers was almost obscene with how well he works his tongue. The bastard knew it. He purposefully kept his eyes directly on you the entire time. The feeling of your fingers in his mouth felt sinful. Dirty. And now, you wanted more... _Fuck._

The cunning look in his eyes tells you all you need to know. He knows he's getting what he wants... _He wins._ Bringing his lips close to yours, you can feel his breath in your mouth... _"Do I get to play now?"_

You shouldn't give him anything more. You know it. But fuck, you want him just as badly. _Maybe a compromise instead..._

"Seems I've made a mess... Maybe that tongue of yours can be useful... Clean me up." You whisper.

Before you can even think, he's already between your legs, preparing to drown himself in you. Feeling his mouth so close to where you wanted it most, he takes his time...

_"You'll be begging me to fuck you again before morning comes..."_

The coldness in his voice sent chills throughout your body. The first swipe of his tongue nearly sends you over the edge...

You can feel the smirk on his face...

\-----------------------------

_Maybe we overdid it... A little._

That's all you can think about as you make your way back to your own bed... two days later. Much to Michael's chagrin. You're surprised your legs even close anymore, or that you can walk straight. Or as straight as you can with a baby sitting funny inside of you. _Sorry kid..._

You were expecting to feel the wrath of Amanda the following morning when you went to look for her. Normally when she didn't see you for a day, she gave you shit for it. You can only imagine how she's going to be when she hasn't seen you in two days.

_She's gonna kill me... What the fuck do I even tell her?_

You went to her room first thing. She wasn't there. _Fuck._ You went casually walking around seeing if you saw her. There is one person you could ask... But you didn't want to anger the man-child. So you decide against it. Before you give up entirely, you hear the voice you're looking for, yelling your name, like the crazy bitch you've grown so fond of.

"Y/N! Y/N!"

"There's the girl I'm looking for."

"GET YOUR PREGNANT ASS IN YOUR ROOM, NOW!"

"Um...Ok that's definitely NOT the response I was expecting to come back to."

"Well we have a lot to talk about. GO NOW!"

She's pretty much dragging you back to your room at this point.

"Amanda, you're gonna knock me over!"

Once back inside the privacy of your room, she locks the door behind her. _What the fuck?_

"You have to tell me what happened."

"What are you talking about?"

"Between you and Mr. Langdon. Anthony told me about what happened between you two... Said the way he was looking at you was... strange. And then you disappeared for two days."

_Shit, I forgot Anthony witnessed the little spat between us. If that's what we'd even call it._

"What are you talking about? Nothing happened."

"Are you kidding me? I saw the way you two were eye fucking eachother that night."

"I think he does that with everyone?"

"Come on. You can tell me. I've been here with you since the beginning. Something is up."

_She's right. Unlike Michael, Amanda's been my rock since the day I came here. I've grown to love her like a sister in the short amount of time I've known her._

With a deep sigh, you say the words out loud.

"Uh. Shit. Very long story short, I-It's his baby. That's why he brought me back with him."

Amanda looks like she's either going to faint or maybe possibly vomit. You aren't sure. Her eyes widen once your words finally sink in.

"Holy shit. Are you fucking serious?!"

"Yes. And no one knows. So you can't say anything."

"I won't. Promise. So what happened that night at the party?"

"Um, that was the first time we really spoke to each other since being here. It's complicated."

She sits down next to you. A look of bewilderment written on her face.

"So, he pretty much just left you here alone this whole time? That's kind of shitty."

You only nod in response.

"What's gonna happen when the baby's actually born? Is he planning on being around?"

"I hope so."

For once, Amanda is speechless. This is the quietest you seen her since you've known her.

"Are you afraid? Of the baby being like him?"

"What do you mean?"

She fidgeted as she was carefully trying to choose her words, given the nature of the situation. She turns to you yet diverts her eyes.

"He can do things. Horrible things. Are you worried that the baby will take after him?"

The thought never really crossed your mind. You weren't exactly a saint. You've done fucked up things. You're soul is undoubtedly damned. Even more so now that Satan's own son impregnanted you. But Michael is a league all his own. _What the fuck does that mean for an innocent baby who didn't ask for us as parents?_

"I didn't really think about it. It never crossed my mind before." You say nervously.

Amanda realized her mistake right away.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to sound like that."

"No, it's ok. I just have to hope everything will be fine. It's my baby too. I already love them..."

"I'm sure everything will be." She says reassuringly. She quickly changes the subject. "So what were you doing for the past two days?"

"Nothing."

"Well you aren't dead, like Anthony and I thought you were. So Mr. Langdon didn't kill you... You're pregnant with his child, so you two have fucked before... I'm assuming you were getting railed to make up for lost time?"

"Wow. Ok."

"You aren't denying it so I'm assuming it's true." She gives you a sly grin.

You sigh. "You win."

"Getting nailed by the antichrist. Good job Y/N. Are you two a thing now?"

Another question you don't know how to answer.

"I don't know. We just... Are. The reason why we had that little interaction that you saw was because he saw me with Anthony."

"... And the plot thickens. Here I thought he wouldn't be the jealous type."

"Michael just doesn't like to share."

She cocks her eyebrow at you. You realized your slip up right away.

"Can I ask you something?"

"I'm already spilling secrets. Why not."

"Did Anthony ever have a chance? Like a real chance?"

You thought about it for a bit. As much as you liked him, you were unknowingly using him as a replacement for Michael. Something you noticed a little too late. It makes you feel like shit. It never would have worked in the long run.

"I thought so. I did like him. I wasn't intentionally leading him on. I don't even know what to say to him."

"Do you love him?"

"Who?"

"Mr. Langd- I mean, Michael."

You must have taken too long to answer, a velvety voice comes echoing in...

_**Well?** _

_Seriously?_

"Yeah, I do."

"Hm. Of all the things I was expecting to hear today... I wasn't expecting ANY of this. You're just full of surprises." She says wryly.

"Gotta stick to what I'm good at, I guess."

\---------------------------------

_**7 Months** _

"Dude, your tits have gotten insanely huge."

"Thanks, haven't noticed. At all." You side eye Amanda with an intense stare.

"So, where is Daddy hiding? Haven't seen him all day."

You internally chuckle at her referring to Michael as Daddy. You still don't say that when you have your heart to heart talks with the baby. You shrug your shoulders.

"I don't know. Maybe he's in his office. Could be ripping someone's head off somewhere. I don't ask."

"... Or he's hiding from your wrath."

"I'm not even that bad? Maybe a little moody lately since I'm becoming more uncomfortable. But that's it."

"Ok sweetie, if you say so."

"What?"

"When I came in the other day, he was trying so hard to like, I don't know, comfort you or something and you pretty much bit his head off. I actually felt bad for the guy."

You remembered. You weren't even sure why you were so angry. You woke up not feeling like yourself. Things only escalated from there. You felt terrible.

"Point taken. I did apologize."

"It was quite a sight though. He seemed genuinely terrified of you. You know the story of Hades and Persephone? They say she was even more ruthless than he was. That deep down, he feared her."

"Are you seriously throwing that bullshit at me? Maybe he just doesn't want to stress me out. It's not good for the baby. Not fighting with me avoids that."

"I still like the idea that the big bad daddy antichrist is scared of you."

"You would."

She rubs your belly.

"Same time tomorrow?"

"I'll be here."

Once she was gone, you sat there, enjoying the heat on the fireplace... with just your thoughts. Something you were never a fan of. Overthinking leads to bad things. Amanda's words have been stuck in your head for weeks. "Are you afraid the baby will be like him?" It's been echoing in your mind since she brought it up. You know Michael's urges started when he was very young. Is your child going to be the same way? Would they have a choice in the matter?

You know personally what it feels like to be tempted, corrupted... It's not something you can fully come back from and be the same. You're carrying Satan's grandchild. _What chance does this poor fucking kid have?_

The baby must sense your stress. You feel kicks going on as soon as you rub your stomach. _Guess someone's awake now._ They've gotten increasingly stronger. _Wonder how it's gonna feel when I'm nine months and there's no room in there._

"You should be sleeping at this time little one. At this rate, you'll be awake all night and sleeping all day."

A few kicks in protest are felt.

"I'm the one who has to stay up with you. And feed you. Remember that."

You sit quietly for a while, feeling the hard kids against your hands. Worrying about the future of the tiny being currently beating your insides.

"Aunt Amanda was just worried. She meant well. Mommy loves you no matter what. You know that right?" A painful kick let you know your answer. "Thanks kid." You whisper.

_"Maybe I can help?"_

You jump. _Asshole._ You turn and look up at him. "A warning maybe?"

 _"But you make it so easy."_ He says smugly.

"In my defense, you cheat. It's not fair when you can't be heard."

_"Fair enough. Why are you sitting down here?"_

"It's warm. I tend to sit and think when I'm alone by a fire. Which may or may not be a good thing. Though last time I did this, you loaded me with alcohol."

 _"You're worried."_ He deduced.

"I'm pregnant. I'm always worried."

_"What Amanda said got to you."_

How do you say that you don't exactly want murderous little hellspawns running around? It's not what you invisioned when you imagined having kids. Then again, you never imagined this is how you'd end up either. If it weren't for him, you wouldn't be pregnant in the first place. Your head wants to explode at this point.

"A little. I'm sorry." You say meekly. You know he was probably listening in on your insensate ramblings while you were trying to rationalize your own thoughts.

_"Don't be. Come on, let's go to bed."_

He takes your hands and helps you up. _Maybe I shouldn't have sat for so long. My ass and back are killing me._ Cue the kicking again. _Very fucking funny kid._

Attempting to lie down is a nightmare. You strip off your clothes in an attempt to keep your aggravation level at a low. Pillows weren't sitting right no matter how you put them. You can feel Michael's gaze on you as you try and fail repeatedly to get in a comfortable position. He knew better than to say anything. _He's lucky I love him enough not to strangle him with a fucking pillow right now..._

Michael seems hesitant to even come into bed, let alone near you. _Maybe Amanda was right._ You feel his hand massaging your lower back. _"Seemed like you needed it."_ You could cry at how good it felt. It didn't last long though, you had to shift onto your back thanks to being kicked mercilessly.

"Your child thinks it's funny to kick my ass all night."

Sitting up beside you, bringing his hands to your belly, the game begins. Baby follows his movements as he glides his hands around. _They must know it's him_. "I think this baby likes you more than it likes me."

 _"That's not true. Our baby loves you very much. I can feel it."_ He whispers.

Hearing him say "our baby" caused a lump to form in your throat.

_"I've been thinking a lot about it too."_

You look at him with a visibly confused face.

_"About what Amanda said. I've had the same thoughts since I found out about your pregnancy."_

Hmm.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

_"It's not something I wanted to burden you with."_

"We're supposed to be in this together. Talking to me every once in a while when it concerns our baby is a start."

He shifts and lies down next to you. Nuzzling himself close. Continuing to trace patterns on the bare skin of your stomach. _"I know."_

"It just would have been nice to know I wasn't the only one worried about it, that's all." You whisper.

_"Don't worry about it right now. We'll figure it out when the times comes."_

_When. Not if..._

_"Just trust me for once. Please."_

That did something to you...

"Ok." You say softly.

_"That went easier than I thought it would."_

"Well, we're gonna be parents. Have to learn to talk to one another. Learn when to compromise, put our trust in another person..."

_"Sounds more like marriage to me."_

"I think that would be less complicated. Kids are a lifelong commitment. Marriage doesn't have to be."

_Shit. I hope he doesn't think I'm looking to get married._

_"It can be."_

"It can if it still existed."

_"You don't believe in the institution of marriage."_

"Seeing the whole religious practice behind it, I'm surprised that word even comes out of your mouth." You joke. "As someone who wasn't religious herself, I never saw the reason behind it. Even the legal aspects never made much sense to me. It was just a stupid piece of paper. But, stupid pieces of paper are what used to make the world go round..."

_"People here have gotten married..."_

That surprises you. The silence that fell afterward didn't go unnoticed either.

"Are you trying to hint at something?"

_"No."_

_Clearly, I misconstrued the conversation. I think. How the fuck does he do this every fucking time?_

You don't say anything back. You don't even pretend to know what could possibly be going on inside his head at the moment. So much he says you drive him crazy, but you'd like to put his face through a wall more often than not lately. You won't. _Maybe._ You aren't making any promises...

The feel of his fingertips grazing along your collarbone catches your attention...

You know where this is leading to...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mom gave me a line from an australian author I believe it was and I slightly chopped it up, but the original quote is "When you are not fed love on a silver spoon , you learn to lick it off knives" by Lauren Eden. I thought it fit in with Michael's complex issues.


	12. NFWMB

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy Satan comes out to play. Michael throws caution to the wind and says "fuck it, I'm gonna do something that seems like a good idea, cause why the fuck not?" Cause boy has shit for brains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drunk me and drunker me had a major disagreement on how this chapter ended up. It was a lot filthier and a lot more blasphemous before drunker me got ahold of it and decided to write an entire different chapter and put that stuff there instead. Brains are fun, fickle things. And the end is ALL dialogue somehow. Again, I literally do a chunk of my writing drunk so whatever comes out, goes. In the words of Hemingway, "Write drunk, edit sober." I sort of rushed the end cause if I didn't it would have been another few weeks until it was put up.

**8 Months**  
  
Time seems to be going by fast, yet slow all the same. Anxiety is through the roof. Sleep is nonexistent. The same thoughts weigh heavy on your mind day in and day out. You don't feel like yourself anymore. _How am I still sane?_ Others wouldn't call you as such... Actively avoiding you at all costs if they can help it, which you didn't mind, for the most part...  
  
Until Michael started avoiding you again too...  
  
_He's the reason why I'm like this in the first place. Fucking asshole._  
  
The closer you get to the end of your pregnancy, the more lost you feel. Empty. Alone. Delirious. Teetering on the brink of insanity. This can't be normal.  
  
_I should have known better. He obviously can't handle having a child. Maybe he should have fucking thought about it before knocki-_  
  
"Hey, Y/N, are you with me?"  
  
"What?"  
  
Amanda is looking at you strangely. Your heart feels like it's going to jump out of your chest.  
  
"You were completely spaced out. Are you ok?"  
  
You can barely breathe. _What's wrong with me?_  
  
"Uh yeah. I'm fine." You try and offer her a smile.  
  
"Are you sure? You don't look so good."  
  
"I'm. Fine. I don't need to be told I look like shit, I can feel it, so thanks."  
  
"Whoa. Ok. Definitely didn't mean it like that. Maybe you should sleep?"  
  
"I don't want to."  
  
"Ok. Ok. Where's Michael?"  
  
_Now she did it..._  
  
You shrug your shoulders. "Maybe he's hiding from his pregnant cum receptacle so he doesn't have to fucking deal with me, since I'm so horrible. Maybe he's fucking another whore. Don't know."  
  
Amanda sat there, mouth agape, not sure what to say. She stayed quiet while you continued your bitching, fearing she'd be on the receiving end of your verbal tirade.  
  
"...You know, maybe I should have been with Anthony. Maybe he wouldn't have pussied out and would be in the same fucking room as me every once in a while, and not just to fuck me to keep me complacent. Who knew Satan's own son was such a little fucking bitch?"  
  
Amanda is uncomfortable. You can tell. Your words are spilling out of your mouth like word vomit. And you don't care.  
  
"What's gotten into you, Y/N?" She said softly.  
  
"What's gotten into me is that my childs father is a fucking scum bag and I want to rip his fucking face off."  
  
"I think you're being a little hard on him."  
  
_Is she fucking serious?_  
  
"What?"  
  
"Y/N, I love you, but you're fucking terrifying lately. You're... different."  
  
"I've died a few times in my life and now, I'm growing the devil's grandchild in my womb... How does one stay the same after such things, hm?"  
  
You felt him before he made himself known to Amanda. _Interesting._  
  
"Amanda, perhaps it'd be best if Y/N got some rest."  
  
Amanda was startled, but seemed relieved to see Michael.  
  
"I told her she should. She won't listen to me. Maybe she'll listen to you." She gives Michael a pleading look.  
  
"I'll check on you tomorrow, Y/N." She gives you a small nudge on your shoulder before turning to Michael and whispering, "Good luck, she's on a rampage tonight."  
  
"I can hear you, you know." You say annoyed.  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
Amanda quickly makes her way out.  
  
You can feel Michael's hesitation as he steps towards you.  
  
_"What's wrong?"_  
  
"What could possibly be wrong, Michael? I'm eight months pregnant, you can't stand being near me, unless you want to fuck, and to top it off..."  
  
You sensed something off about him when he got closer to you. _That's strange._  
  
You knew what it was, you can smell it. _Of course._ You started laughing uncontrollably. Michael didn't know what to make of it.  
  
_"What's so funny?"_  
  
"Your scent."  
  
_"What about it?"_  
  
You cup his face in your hands, slowly bring your face close to his... Feeling his breath on your own... I'm right.  
  
"You smell like alcohol and whore..." You whisper.  
  
_"What are you talking about?"_  
  
You get up from the bed and make your way  
towards the fireplace.  
  
"You clearly don't give a shit about me. Or this baby."  
  
_"You two are the only fucking things that matter to me."_  
  
"Really. You better rethink those words very fucking carefully. I can see into your thoughts you know..."  
  
He closes the gap between you two.  
  
_"Listen to me."_  
  
Michael is flustered. He is trying his hardest to maintain control of the situation.  
  
_"Look at me, please."_ His hands make their way to your face.  
  
"Don't. Fucking. Touch. Me." Your voice gravelly and brittle.  
  
Looking into his eyes, all you can do is laugh.  
  
Michael is stunned into silence... Things have somehow spiralled out of control. He attempts to get near you. He instantly comes to regret it.  
  
_**"If you come closer, I'll slit her throat..."**_  
  
He wasn't expecting the knife. Nor was he expecting it to be at your throat by your own hand.  
  
_"Y/N, put the knife down."_ He whispered.  
  
_**"Y/N isn't here..."**_ A dark laugh escapes your mouth.  
  
_**"Had you been around, maybe you would have noticed... Her slow descent into madness; her silent plea for your help. The maelstrom of emotions within her is... intoxicating."**_  
  
He inches closer and you retaliate by applying pressure to the blade.  
  
_**"This was almost too easy. Taking over her fragile body. Further poisoning whatever was left of her that you haven't yet tainted. I must say, you picked a good one."**_  
  
The air in the room stilled. Michael's face is fixated on yours... The crimson eyes staring back at him serves as a reminder of just how far you've slipped away from him.  
  
_**"I can feel your pull. Your magic tricks won't work on me..."**_ A sly grin graces your face. _**"Son."**_  
  
A lump forms in his throat. The realization dawns on him.  
  
_"What did you call me?"_  
  
You're choosing to ignore him. _**"I can feel why you're so drawn to her. Her darkness, pain... It's what lured you in... Like a siren's song. The fractured remnants of light still lingering in her soul is like heroin to you... Slowly chipping away at it, little by little; with each fix you get comes the satisfaction of knowing you've destroyed her. It makes me wish she would have taken me up on my offer. I would have enjoyed desecrating her."**_  
  
You can feel his heart beat increasing. _I found his Achilles heel..._  
  
_**"She was right about you... You can't see the forest for the trees and it will indubitably be your undoing. She's willing to sacrifice everything for you... And what have you done for her? Had your dick buried in another woman's pussy, while she's here, close to giving birth to your child."**_  
  
_"That never fucking happened."_  
  
**_"Doesn't matter. A simple trick of the mind is all it took... In her very fragile, emotional state, it was like tempting Eve with the forbidden fruit. No effort at all."_**  
  
_"What do you want?"_  
  
_**"Can't a father pay a visit without there being a reason?"**_  
  
_"You never have before. Why now?"_  
  
_**"Why not? This place can use a little more mayhem. What's the matter Michael, you seem nervous?"**_  
  
_"Get the fucking knife away from her."_  
  
_**"Would you rather I had it elsewhere? Say... Here?"**_ The blade now pointed directly at your stomach. _**"That's not what we want, is it?"**_  
  
_"...No."_ said with bated breath.  
  
If looks could kill, it was seen in that moment...  
  
_**"Tell me, what are their lives worth to you? Could you trade one for the other?"**_  
  
It took a minute for the weight of the words to fully sink in... Once they did, they were suffocating.  
  
_**'How the fuck do I choose between the person I love more than anything or our child whom I already love without having met them yet?'**_  
  
_"I won't choose between my wife and daughter."_  
  
_**'Fuck.'**_ He hadn't meant to say those words aloud.  
  
_**"Hm. Interesting. I could choose for you..."**_  
  
_"Why are you doing this? I've done everything you've asked."_  
  
_**"Why? because I can..."**_  
  
_"For what purpose? You got what you wanted. What need would you have for either of them?"_  
  
**_"My granddaughter is quite powerful. I know you feel it... As for Y/N, well, she could serve me useful in other ways..."_**  
  
Michael notices the smirk and immediately doesn't like the insinuating tone.  
  
_**"Her hell was rather, interesting. How many men were having a go at her? It's obvious she's taken her fair share before. I'm sure she'd have no problems taking whatever I give her. She'd probably enjoy it..."**_  
  
_"You won't fucking touch her. Either of them."_  
  
_**"Technically, she did belong to me first... I'm merely taking back what is rightfully mine."**_  
  
_"I've brought back others before. Why is she any different?"_  
  
_**"The pain it would cause you... I'd enjoy watching you suffer."**_ You smile. _**"True, you served your purpose, but, you are also indebted to me. Still haven't told her about how you asked for my help in creating this life she now carries in her womb, have you?"**_  
  
_"No."_  
  
_**"...So many lies... No wonder she resents you. You've done nothing but lie and abandon her. Clearly, you're doing a pretty good job of fucking things up all on your own without my interfering... Maybe I should just enjoy from the sidelines for a little while longer. This looks like it'll be fun to watch. You'll be the sole catalyst of your own destruction."**_  
  
The words echo is Michael's head.  
  
_**'I have to fix this...'**_  
  
A strangled breath left your lungs moments later...  
  
Michael is nervously approaching you. His lips are moving but you can't hear him.  
  
You notice the knife in your hand.  
  
_Where the fuck did this come from?_  
  
_"Y/N, can you hear me?"_  
  
_I'm still dreaming... I'm stuck._  
  
"Not again." Tears start streaming down your face. "Wake the fuck up." You whisper.  
  
A cacophony of static, whispers and scratching plagues your ears, drowning out your ability to think straight. Go away.  
  
**Wake Up**  
  
**Wake Up**  
  
Your knees give out when forget to breathe. Panic sets in...  
  
Warm hands on your face jump you out of your skin.  
  
_"Breathe."_  
  
Even in your deranged state, you realize you're still grasping the handle of the knife firmly in your hand.  
  
**Wake Up**  
  
"You aren't real."  
  
_"Open your eyes... I'm right here."_  
  
"...No."  
  
_"Come back to me."_  
  
**Wake Up**  
  
"You won't save me."  
  
The sudden painful cry that spills from your mouth pierces the stillness in the air, like thunder during a storm.  
  
"It's starting to feel a little more real every time I have to do something like this. I'm afraid I won't ever wake up..."  
  
He smells the blood. He looks down and sees the blade running deep through the skin of your forearm, having cut your way up from your wrist.  
  
**Wake Up**  
  
_"Y/N, give me the knife."_  
  
He's pleading with you now...  
  
"You're gonna kill me. I won't give you the satisfaction..."  
  
_"I won't harm you, I swear it."_  
  
"Like I haven't heard that several times before already..."  
  
_"Please..."_  
  
**Wake Up**  
  
_"You're awake. This is real. I'm real."_  
  
Firmly grasping his hand over yours, he guides the blade away from you and into his palm, cutting himself.  
  
_"See? I bleed too."_  
  
The smell hits you like a slap in the face. You recognize it.  
  
What's happening to me...  
  
Very much aware of the warm liquid sticking to you and your nightie, you notice the blood won't stop flowing. Michael's hand grazing over the wound causes you to wince.  
  
You're losing focus. Whispers. _Not again._ But this time, the voice isn't in your head. _Michael._ You hear him but don't understand him. _What the fuck is he doing?_ Your head is spinning...  
  
Your arm is burning where his blood is touching yours.  
  
_"Te animae meae ligo; animae nostrae in aeternum implexae."_  
  
Your eardrums feel like they're rupturing.  
  
_I don't feel right... I must be dreaming. He lied._  
  
Tears start pooling in the corners of your eyes.  
  
_"Don't be afraid."_  
  
You nod.  
  
_"Please trust me..." He whispers. "I love you."_  
  
Your heart feels like it's going to give out at any moment. His words are slowly becoming muffled. Like you're underwater. _Can't breathe... What is he doing to me?_  
  
You're slowly fading, as if falling back into a deep slumber. Until suddenly, you aren't... Gulping down air as if you were just drowning moments before, you're now hyperaware of Michael's presence... The unholy embodiment of all you desire.  
  
_What's happening to me..._  
  
Your heart races as he wraps his hand around your wrist. He's speaking but you can't focus on his words. Your eyes feel like they're playing tricks on you... Your skin burns... Then the unexpected happens and you wonder what the fuck is wrong with you. The intensity takes you by surprise. His scent has you salivating like a pavlov dog. Unadulterated lust clouds your mind. _Is this what normal people feel? Or is this what he feels?_  
  
_**Give in**_  
  
"Michael." Your voice doesn't feel like your own...  
  
His tongue invades your mouth and it sets you off. All you could think about was his slamming into you and filling you up like a dirty whore. He must have sensed what you wanted, you were pushed back roughly against the floor and your panties are discarded in one swoop.  
  
"Michael..." Your raspy, breathless voice sounds less and less like yourself as the seconds pass.  
  
Black, empty eyes gaze into you. It's like looking into a mirror. You'd fallen and are now lost within the abyss... You feel his lips whispering something against your mouth as his hands work against the restraints of his clothing.  
  
_"Serva me, servabo te."_  
  
_**Give in**_  
  
His fingers trail their way between your folds, teasing your sensitive clit. You nearly cry out in frustration when he abruptly takes his hand away. It's quickly remedied when it dawns on you that he's wasting no time in the moment.  
  
_"Hodie mecum eris in paradiso"_  
  
Parting your folds with the tip of his cock, there's no time to react before he's already positioning himself before your entrance...  
  
_"Hoc est enim corpus meum."_ With that, you feel him push himself inside of you. There's no resistance. Your cunt greedily accepted every thrust he gave. Fully submitting to the abomination in front of you; the one you love, the one that made you his home. You are his ruin. You will be his rebirth. His mouth swallows down your moans as he fucks you with abandon. Your body meeting his every demand he asks of it. He needs of it. Feeling like you're floating, you're high is taken further once you feel the familiar scratch of metal grazing against your skin...  
  
He stills inside of you, causing a desperate moan to leave your mouth. Obsidian eyes and heavy breathing are taunting you... His cock twitching inside of you is driving you insane. He knows it... In his hand, the discarded knife is back. He playfully drags it across your sensitive skin. He starts at your knee and slowly goes up across your thigh. He surprises you when he brings right up to your throat. Carefully dragging the point across your jugular, your heart is beating in your ears, your cunt is involuntarily clenching on him. You're enjoying this...  
  
You start grinding yourself on him without realizing it. For once, he doesn't stop you. Just lets you fuck yourself on him while he's momentarily lost in his own thoughts.  
  
He slowly pulls out and quickly plunges into you with everything he has. Your strangled gasp echoes within the confines of space residing between your lips and his. His favorite sound. He relishes in it. Each turn of his hips has you losing control...  
  
The glint of the blade gets your attention. He's spellbound... He runs the blade across his palm, cutting into it, like he did before... Closing his hand, he gathers the pool that's forming. He brings his hand to your lips. It stains them red with the blood already dripping.  
  
_"Hic est enim sanguis meus."_ Parting your lips, you taste the warm metallic richness on your tongue. You give him your complete surrender... Your mouth drinks him in just like your cunt is swallowing his cock. With need and without doubt. Fingertips trail down your chin, then around your throat. You are painted red. _"You look so beautiful like this."_  
  
His lips viciously claim yours. He starts fucking into you as if it's the last time he'll ever get to do so. His every thrust becomes sloppier, his breathing becomes heavier, with every second that passes... The tension inside of you is building up, threatening to snap at any moment. Michael knows it. He feels it. He feels you. You can feel your nails drawing blood against his skin. Your moans could no longer be held back. With one hard thrust, the coil had broken. Your walls are convulsing around him while the fractured remnants of his name falls from your lips like a broken hymn...  
  
Lost. Michael is lost in the feel of you, how you feel around him. How his name sounds on your lips, your scent that will linger on his skin... How it lingered on his skin for months, torturing him... Thrust after thrust, you are on the receiving end of an unspoken punishment you aren't even aware of. The low groan you hear coming from him tells you all you need to know in this moment...  
  
He rest his forehead to yours. His nose nuzzling against your own. His mouth heavily panting into yours as he works himself into a mess of his design.  
  
With a strained voice, he breathlessly let out his final words, _"Totus tuus."_  
  
With that, he comes undone. The sounds of his moans reverberates off the walls. His deep, grinding thrusts may very well break you. At this point, you'd let him. His fingertips are sure to leave bruises on your thigh where he's holding it up while he's splitting you open. He's savoring the feel of his cock buried deep within your warmth as he's cumming. You feel him shudder against you as his thrusts slow down. Eventually, he stills. Heavy breaths are all that's left in him...  
  
Exhaustion hits hard all of a sudden. Before you could even say anything, Michael is demanding your full attention, as if he didn't just fuck your brains out moments before...  
  
_"Look, at me."_  
  
You look at him through heavy lidded eyes.  
  
_"I hope you can forgive me."_  
  
**_You're mine..._**  
  
\-------------------------------  
  
Amanda came by the day after for her usual check in but left when she saw you both had been sleeping.  
  
When she comes by two days later, she is shocked to find you still asleep.  
  
"How the fuck is she still sleeping?" She whispers to herself.  
  
_"I may have had something to do with that."_  
  
Michael startles her. She hadn't noticed him sitting in the corner, bottle of scotch on the table, glass in his hand.  
  
"Shit. I'm sorry. Didn't know you were here."  
  
_"It's alright. Drink?"_  
  
"Uh, sure... rough couple of days?"  
  
He pours her a glass and hands it to her.  
  
_"You could say that. She hadn't slept in days. Which explains her... odd behavior."_  
  
"All that from just a lack of sleep? That's fucking crazy."  
  
_"Delirium set in. If my calculations are correct, she was going on 6 days of no sleep. There are other contributing factors at play, I'm afraid. Things you probably wouldn't understand..."_  
  
"I know enough to know that, lately, I'm more terrified of her than I am of you. No offense."  
  
Amanda wonders if she should have said that or not. Then she figures you'd have Michael's balls on a platter if anything happened to her.  
  
_"None taken. She can be at times..."_  
  
"Seems like she is all the time. She's never been this bad."  
  
He pours them both another glass...  
  
"Thanks. I fucking needed this."  
  
_"Well if anyone around here deserves a drink, it'd be you. You've done a lot for Y/N. More than I could ever thank you for. She loves you. Probably more than she loves me."_  
  
"I've seen the way she looks at you. I don't think I can compete. I think you're safe." She offers a soft smile.  
  
_"Can I ask you something?"_  
  
"Ok."  
  
_"Do you think she resents me? That she regrets all of... this?"_  
  
Amanda is surprised at how much Michael decided to open up to her.  
  
_"I'm sorry to ask this, it's just, she's been close to you for months, she confided in you."_  
  
"Have you ever tried talking to her?"  
  
_"What do you think?"_  
  
"You aren't really good at communicating are you?"  
  
_"Is it that obvious?"_  
  
"She's stand off-ish and terrible at communicating too. You two are a mess."  
  
_"Thank you."_  
  
"I don't mean it like that. Look, if there's one thing I've come to know about Y/N, it's that, she wouldn't bother if she didn't love you. She was hurt that you pretty much left her alone here, which isn't unreasonable. Yet, she never openly complained, never revealed to anyone that she was even pregnant with your secret lovechild. Shit, she didn't even tell me until 2 months ago."  
  
_"I thought I was doing the right thing by staying away."_  
  
"Maybe it's a crazy idea, seeing that she's not the sanest lately, but try having a real conversation with her. I'm sure there's things she'd like to have the answers to that you aren't exactly telling her. Try being honest with her."  
  
_"I'm afraid she'll hate me for it. There's a lot of things I've done lately that I've neglected to tell her. Things that may change how she perceives me."_  
  
"Not to speak out of term, but you're the fucking antichrist... not exactly the type of person most people are running off to fall in love with and start families." Amanda nervously laughs. "Even after everything, at the end of the day, she still wants you around. It may seem stupid, but it speaks volumes. That's what set her off the other night. She wanted you around, and you weren't. I was afraid she was going to kill me cause of you."  
  
Michael is dumbstruck.  
  
"That's really all it is, Michael. She just wants you... You can't be this dense."  
  
He lets out a deep sigh.  
  
_"I feel like no matter how hard I try, I fuck it up."_  
  
"You're about to be a father. I'm sure it's stressful. For what it's worth, you seem to be trying. That's gotta count for something."  
  
_"I hope so."_  
  
She looks back at your still sleeping form.  
  
"How long will she sleep for?"  
  
_"I can wake her at any time. By morning, most likely. Don't want to leave her much longer."_  
  
"So, how did you manage to not get your face ripped off and get her to sleep?"  
  
_"I have my ways."_  
  
Amanda wouldn't be Amanda unless she said something smart. She couldn't help herself. She saw the chance and she took it.  
  
"So, you dicked her down first. Got it."  
  
Michael couldn't help but chuckle at that.  
  
\-----------------------------------  
  
The same continuous loop keeps replaying over and over again. _Am I dreaming? Am I dead? I can't be dead. I've been here before. It was a dream... Why am I back here? Why do I keep coming back to this?_  
  
The scent, the way the sky looked. They are forever ingrained in your memory. _Why can't I wake up?_ The footsteps are coming back again, right on cue. It's gonna start all over again soon... Until they stop unexpectedly.  
  
_"Hi."_  
  
_Wait, what?_  
  
You turn, having deduced long ago that it was Michael.  
  
"Hi."  
  
He comes closer to you, cupping your face.  
  
_"It's time to wake up."_  
  
"So I'm dreaming?"  
  
He leans in and whispers in your ear.  
  
_"Wake up."_  
  
**Wake up**  
  
Consciousness is coming back to you slowly. You can hear breathing. Your eyes flutter open as you feel something grazing the palm of your hand.  
  
_"Hi."_ Michael's voice is barely above a whisper.  
  
Confused, bloodshot eyes stare back at him. The tired haze in them is still present. They sting; lids are still heavy. Your body aches. It feels like an elephant is sitting on your chest.  
  
"Hey." Your throat is raspy and drier than the barren wasteland outside.  
  
_"How do you feel?"_ He pushes hair away from your face.  
  
"Like a huge pile of shit. Everything hurts... How long was I asleep?"  
  
_"About three days."_  
  
Three fucking days. _How is that even possible?_  
  
Then it dawns on you. _I know exactly how it's possible..._  
  
"I have to shower." You say sharply.  
  
"Don't be upset. You needed the rest. I was only trying to help."  
  
As soon as you sit up, your head is spinning. _Not again._ You notice your clothes weren't the same ones you were wearing. Then nausea hits...  
  
You try and ignore it. Stumbling to your feet, you try and saunter on.  
  
_"Let me help you."_  
  
"I'm fine." You spat. You weren't fine. You weren't telling him that though. He knew, of course.  
  
You're stopped dead in your tracks. _Fuck, here it comes._ Before you could blink, Michael was already catching your vomit in a waste basket. After a few mins, everything seemed to subside.  
  
_"Better?"_  
  
"Kind of. Thanks." You try and catch your breath a bit. "I really don't like when you do this to me. It was worse this time."  
  
_"I only did it to help. I wouldn't do it otherwise."_  
  
"Ok. I'm gonna get cleaned up..."  
  
You stood in the shower long after you were done. Your thoughts don't feel entirely like your own. It was the stangest thing. The baby was happily kicking away. _So much for a relaxing shower._ After being unaware for three days, feeling kicks feels welcoming. And a nice distraction. There was still something looming in the back of your mind. Something you couldn't quite put your finger on. _What the fuck happened? I feel like I missed something..._  
  
You didn't hear Michael come in; being so lost in your mind, you don't hear the door open.  
  
_"Are you ok?"_  
  
He finds you leaning against the wall.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
_"You've been in here a while."_  
  
"Just thinking. That's all." You say softly. "Join me?" You were expecting him to give you some bullshit excuse. Much to your surprise, he was already undressing without having to be asked twice.  
  
You still marvel at his naked form from time to time. _Of course the gorgeous bastard is literal perfection. It almost makes me jealous._  
  
He steps in and makes his way behind you, wrapping his arms around you. He's greeted by frantic kicks.  
  
_"Someone's active."_  
  
"Very. They're always much more lively when you're near me."  
  
He nestles his face in the crook of your neck. Standing quietly with you as the water beats down on your bodies.  
  
In that moment, you realize, it's you. Something inside of you feels different. You feel like an entirely different entity. Like someone, something else inhabits this body.  
  
_"What's wrong?"_  
  
The answer falls out of your mouth before you realize it.  
  
"I feel strange. Like something is wrong with me. I don't feel like myself."  
  
_**'Fuck. Maybe she needs a day or two to regain her bearings.'**   _His stupid, sloppy, crazy spur of the moment stunt worked. He knows because he feels you. Fuck if he doesn't feel you burned within every fiber of his being. You're now a permanent fixture. Forever etched. Yet the decision weighs heavy on his mind. It was another thing he ultimately decided for you. Without you.  
  
It also means something else. _**'She feels me too.'**_  
  
_"You're stressed. That's why you needed to get some sleep."_  
  
_Something else feels off..._  
  
\----------------------------------  
  
Drained, empty. Yet somehow whole all at once. That's the only way to describe how you feel as of late. Amanda has noticed your more rational, calm demeanor. She isn't as tense around you. You aren't as tense. Sitting in comfortable silence on her couch, enjoying a change of scenery.  
  
A slip of the tongue causes you to say something you probably shouldn't.  
  
"Michael is fucking someone else."  
  
Her eyes widened.  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"That's what's been nagging at me. I finally figured it out. I couldn't remember. It's been eating away at me for the past few weeks. I could smell it on him..."  
  
Amanda attempts to talk some sense into you. It nearly backfires...  
  
"Are you sure you weren't just overreacting over nothing? You are pretty stressed..."  
  
"Are you seriously taking his side? Since when are you two so fucking chummy?"  
  
"Y/N, come on. I really don't think he'd do that to you."  
  
"I can't believe this."  
  
"He loves you. Sure, he's fucked up and I know for sure has fucked up. But he's trying. Don't be so hard on him."  
  
Your ears couldn't believe the shit they were hearing. _Am I being an emotional, irrational bitch?_  
  
"Something's not right. He's even been around more so than usual lately. Makes me think he's guilty."  
  
"So he's an asshole when he isn't around. And when he is around, he's a cheating, guilty asshole? Something about this makes no sense."  
  
"You wouldn't understand. I could... feel it. I smelled it on him. It's hard to explain."  
  
"Why don't you ask him."  
  
"He would never admit to anything. Nothing with Michael is ever fucking easy. I've learned that lesson the hard way."  
  
"I think you two should talk. It would benefit you both. There's about to be a baby in the picture... Clearly you guys have some unresolved shit. Don't bring a baby into a messy situation."  
  
_Shit, she's right._  
  
"I know. I just wish shit wasn't so fucking complicated. Only I would love someone who's as big a mess, if not bigger, than myself. Probably not my smartest move."  
  
"We can't help who we love. Though I have to say, the literal spawn of Satan. That probably takes the cake, Y/N."  
  
"Yeah... So, you and Ant?"  
  
You shoot her a wide grin. Amanda's jaw dropped.  
  
"Wha- How did you know?"  
  
"I knew for about a month."  
  
"You aren't mad, are you?"  
  
"Why would I be mad?"  
  
"Cause you did have a thing for him..."  
  
"I did, but honestly, and I know this sounds fucked up, so feel free to judge the fuck out of me... It was more so cause I was lonely and cause I saw things him in that reminded me of Michael. I attached myself to an idea of someone else and tried to morph him into that in my head. It never would have worked."  
  
"I kind of figured. That night when I saw the way you two looked at each other. I noticed it then."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You never looked at Ant the way you look at Michael."  
  
"You make us sound like some cheap, knock off version of a Brontë novel."  
  
"I picture you personally, as more of a Poe or... Shelley-esque type kind of people."  
  
"Hm. Except I didn't create the monster..."  
  
\--------------------------------

  
_It's quiet. Of course he's gone. I knew that wouldn't last too long..._  
  
_"Have fun?"_  
  
"Jesus fucking christ!"  
  
Your heart is now pounding in your chest. You hadn't noticed Michael sitting in the corner.  
  
_"Quite the opposite, actually."_  
  
"Funny. You scared me."  
  
_"Sorry."_  
  
"Why are you just sitting here?"  
  
_"...Just thinking."_  
  
You notice the almost empty bottle beside him on the end table.  
  
"And drinking."  
  
_"Something to take the edge off. It's a relaxing way to end the night."_  
  
"I'm not judging. Just making an observation... I was surprised to find you here."  
  
_"Why?"_  
  
"I thought you would have had your fill by now; that you would be back in your office, or off, wherever else, hiding."  
  
His eyes are staring into you with an intensity that's almost making you uncomfortable. If you didn't know better, you'd dare say there's a dangerous glint to them.  
  
_"Come here."_  
  
Taking small strides, you walk your way over. He takes your hand, interlacing his fingers within yours. His other reaches for your stomach.  
  
_"Quiet tonight."_  
  
"Won't be for long. It's still early." You say quietly.  
  
His brows furrow and he looks deep in thought.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
_"They're dreaming..."_  
  
"What?"  
  
He's focused. Intently listening. When he looks up and his eyes lock on yours, you feel a shiver run down your spine. _What the fuck was that?_  
  
_"It's a song... They like it. It's dreaming of your voice."_  
  
You tried not to cry. You failed miserably.  
  
_"And you were afraid they loved me more."_  
  
_I guess I can forgive you for all the hell you're putting me through, kid._  
  
He sat quietly, hand pressed on the same spot, unmoving.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
_"What do you mean?"_  
  
"Something's bothering you. I feel it."  
  
He's as silent as the dead. _Give me something to work with..._  
  
_"Come here."_ He whispers.  
  
He motions you to sit on his lap. You can't help but raise your brow at him.  
  
_"I know what you're thinking. It's not like that. Though I do like the idea..."_ He grins at you. _"I just want you close. That's all."_  
  
You felt that in a way you couldn't explain.  
  
You barely get comfortable on him before he's already wrapping his arms around you, like he's trying to trap you, afraid you're going to escape at any moment. You manage to rest your head in the crook of his neck. _It's a good thing this chair is sturdy. His love for gaudy, oversized things comes in handy._  
  
"Now that you have me held hostage, will you tell me what's bothering you?"  
  
_"Now that you're my hostage, that means you won't be able to run off no matter what I say."_  
  
_This doesn't sound good._  
  
"I'm still here even after everything I know you've done. I think it's safe to say I'm in it for the long haul now. And, I'm hugely pregnant, I can't really run anywhere."  
  
_"You're really not that big. You do waddle a bit though."_ He laughs.  
  
"Ha ha. Laugh now, Langdon. I won't be pregnant forever."  
  
His shoulders tense up. You can feel his heart hammering away in his chest.  
  
"Talk to me." You whisper.  
  
_"I don't want you to hate me. I can't live with that. Especially not now..."_  
  
"There's nothing you could do that would make that possible. You've personally tested that theory numerous times bef-."  
  
_"Not like this."_ He interjected.  
  
"Just tell me. Please."  
  
He took a deep breath before he took the final step off the edge he'd be looming over for so long.  
  
_"I lied when I said that I didn't plan on your pregnancy happening. I had it planned before we even slept together."_  
  
_What. The. Fuck._  
  
"What?"  
  
_"I wanted you. I knew I wanted you. When I first spoke to you at the Outpost, I knew that I made the right choice in bringing you back. That you would be someone important to me. I just didn't expect to fall in love with you. The one night we were talking and you told me that you couldn't have kids; I felt the yearning, the desire, you had deep inside that you didn't even realize. I thought it would make you happy."_  
  
_What the fuck am I supposed to say to this?_ You try and figure out what the fuck he was thinking. _In his mind, he did it cause he wanted to make me happy. That should make me happy, right?_ Then the other part of you comes into play. _He took matters into his own hands. He had a chance to tell me the truth months ago and didn't._  
  
"So you've had this planned since then?"  
  
_"More or less, yes. I couldn't tell you because it's a little more complicated than that."_  
  
"You decided to knock me up. It's not really that fucking complicated Michael. You secretly planned it."  
  
_"You do know how basic reproduction works. We weren't exactly stopping anything from happening."_  
  
"I'm not even supposed to be pregnant! Or did you forget? That's why I didn't worry about it."  
  
His hold on you tightens as you're now face to face with him, shouting.  
  
_"I know. That's why I asked my father to help..."_  
  
_What the fuck did you do?_  
  
"Your father? Why?"  
  
_"I wasn't sure if I could make it happen myself, so, I asked for his help. Made sure it was absolute. I knew deep down, you wanted this just as much as I did. I felt it."_  
  
You did, secretly. You didn't know he knew any of that at the time.  
  
"But you never gave me a choice, Michael."  
  
Averting his attention from your steely-eyed gaze, his grip softens. His hand finding it's way to the protruding belly in front of him. You can feel the warmth of his skin through the fabric of your dress.  
  
_"Do you regret this?"_  
  
"Never."  
  
It wasn't a lie. As mad as you were, you don't regret the aftermath of the decision he made.  
  
_"I should have told you."_  
  
"You should have. There's still the question of what it cost you..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, you know what they say about making a deal with the devil... Even as his son, I know damn well he made you pay up. I know this wasn't done out of the kindness of his heart."  
  
_"No. But I know I'll pay dearly. He's going to make sure of it."_  
  
The ominious silence that followed made you feel uneasy.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
_"He has his sights set on you."_  
  
"Me? Why?"  
  
_"It's simple really. When you want to destroy something, you go for the weakest, vulnerable spot. Which in my case, is you."_  
  
"All this because you asked to knock me up? Seems a little extreme..."  
  
_"Hm. My father is a dick and wants to torment me and watch me suffer. All because he can. He has the power to do so."_  
  
"What does this mean for me?"  
  
_"I don't know yet. I may have rectified it. No need to worry right now..."_  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
_"Meaning, I took care of it._ " He said coldly.  
  
_What I wouldn't do to put your face through a fucking wall right now..._  
  
"Can I ask you something?"  
  
_"Go ahead."_  
  
"What was the real reason you saved me from hell? Like I told you during your bullshit interviews, I wasn't like you. And I wasn't some witch. Just a regular human, who was bound to suffer in hell for the rest of eternity."  
  
_"I felt you. Your hell was the most horrific thing you've experienced. Your pain, your rage... I felt it. It called to me, in a way. You were lost. Afraid. Abandoned. Hardened by your circumstances. I saw a lot of myself in you...You mirrored everything I was deep down. I couldn't leave you there, so, I brought you back. You ended up being so much more than I ever could have imagined. Even people of God have a hint of darkness in them... You, my dear, surprised me. You have a darkness that frightens... It lured me in. We're cut from the same cloth, you and I. Two irreparably damaged souls."_  
  
"Which I still don't understand. I wasn't necessarily a terrible person before my life went to shit. Dare I say, I was born Catholic. I was purified in Baptism. Received Communion... Load of help all that did for my soul. Someone knew something I didn't I guess..."  
  
_"Yet you weren't religious."_  
  
"My father wasn't either. Hell, he went to catholic school and everything. He later became an athiest."  
  
_"Interesting."_  
  
"You seem amused."  
  
_"You're gray in every sense of the word. It's funny to me."_  
  
"You are too, to some degree. You and your bleeding heart. At least we know you don't completely lack empathy... I wouldn't be here otherwise."  
  
_"I'm selfish, not empathetic."_  
  
"Ok, if you say so."  
  
_"Speaking of selfishness..."_  
  
"Yes, speaking of being selfish, I have another question..."  
  
He looks genuinely concerned for his life at the moment.  
  
"Why did you leave me? You pretty much tossed me aside like fucking trash."  
  
He's blindsided.  
  
_"I never meant to hurt you. You were so angry with me... And I knew you were afraid of the kind of father I would be. I figured I'd be best if I just stayed away. Safer. I know what I am, Y/N. You were smart for being worried about it."_  
  
"You really do have shit for brains." You scoff. "I needed you. I fucking needed you..."  
  
_"I know. I'll spend the rest of our lives making it up to you. However you want me to."_  
  
"Where were you anyway? Where you actively avoiding me?"  
  
_"Honestly? Yes. I know that sounds fucked up to hear. The night I felt the baby move, I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away completely. Then I saw you that night at the party and I was done for."_  
  
_He avoided me like the fucking plague. How fucking nice._  
  
_"Do you resent me?"_  
  
You see him waiting for your answer with bated breath.  
  
"No. I was just hurt."  
  
_"You still are."_  
  
"Well, you only starting being around recently. Which is suspicious, knowing your track record."  
  
_"You think I'm guilty of something."_  
  
"I vaguely remember us fighting about something before you decided to put me to sleep for three days."  
  
He knows where you're getting at. He's not sure how to even begin.  
  
"Who else are you fucking?"  
  
The predatory gaze that he gives you makes your blood run cold. He brings his lips close to yours, just grazing them.  
  
_"I'm not fucking anyone else. I love you."_  
  
"Nice try, but you're not fucking me into submission." You whisper.  
  
_"Wasn't planning on it."_  
  
"You better not be fucking lying to me. I'll cut your fucking dick off."  
  
_"I'd personally hand you the knife."_  
  
"Good to know..."  
  
You feel a hard kick in your ribs that makes you jump. It startles Michael.  
  
_"That seemed like it hurt."_  
  
"I didn't feel good."  
  
_"Come on, let's lie down. Maybe I can calm the little one down enough for you to get some sleep. We can talk more tomorrow."_  
  
"We can finish talking now."  
  
_"It can wait, it's fine."_  
  
"Why are you stalling?"  
  
_"I'm not."_  
  
_That came out rather quickly..._  
  
"What is it?"  
  
_**'Your soul is forever bound to mine. I never gave you a choice...'**_  
  
_"It's nothing. I drank more than usual. I'm just tired."_  
  
_Hmm._  
  
"Ok. Lets go to bed."

_Guess I'll let it slide.  For tonight anyway..._

_**'Maybe she won't hate me for it.'**_  
  
_**'Maybe she will.'**_  
  
_**'Fuck.'**_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I did use the latin words of the Eucharist AND one of Jesus' final words in a smut scene. Most of the latin is pretty common I believe.
> 
> • Te animae meae ligo - I bind you to my soul.
> 
> • animae nostrae in aeternum implexae. - our souls are entwined forever.
> 
> • Hodie mecum eris in paradiso - Today you will be with me in paradise.
> 
> • serva me servabo te - save me and I will save you.
> 
> • hic est enim sanguis meus - for this is my blood.
> 
> • hoc est enim corpus meum - for this is my body.
> 
> • totus tuus - totally yours - Pope John Paul II motto. Means total commitment of one's life to another.


	13. Way Down We Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is all kinds of choppy thanks to my stupid ass deleting it by mistake and having to try and remember it all. It's not as good as my original but after taking a day to finish it, I was done looking at it. 
> 
> If anyone is a Lucifer fan, you'll probably notice a few things here and there that I used.

_**9 Months** _

_I can do this._

_Maybe..._

The final weeks of your pregnancy are here. Doctor visits have become more frequent, much to your dismay. The 'hospital smell' of the doctor's room is making you feel anxious and sick. Literally. Amanda is touching everything she can get her hands on and is making you feel even more nervous by her constant moving.

"Amanda, I love you, but please, STOP." Is all you can muster through gritted teeth.

She is poking around through the drawers, the metal cart beside her chair, your file. You name it, Amanda's hands have touched it.

"Someone is cranky today."

"I hate doctors and the smell in here is making me sick. Why does it smell like a fucking hospital?"

"I mean, it's all one in the same. Technically, you'll be giving birth in one of these rooms."

She was right and the thought of that made your skin crawl. The last time you were in a hospital, you died there. _I think I'm gonna puke..._

"Y/N, are you ok?"

"I really don't want to be here."

You didn't want to tell her that you also weren't fond of the doctor who is responsible for delivering the baby. _What the fuck was Michael thinking picking this asshole?_ Something about him made your stomach turn and you didn't know why. Sitting on the exam chair without panties on with a sheet over you just made you feel like throwing up. _It's necessary..._ You keep telling yourself that, but it doesn't do shit for your nerves.

The knock of the door makes your heart race. Dr Caan makes his way in and you immediately tense up. A quick 'hello' falls from his lips before he looks over your paperwork a nurse already filled out for him. Amanda finally settled down into the chair next to you. _It's a good thing we're so close and she won't mind seeing my vag on full display._

"Blood pressure is a little high. Weight is fine. Your ultrasound was normal..."

_Can he just get the fuck on with it so this appointment can be done with already?_

"Lie back, lift your dress so I can take a measurement."

His callous hands against your belly instantly makes bile rise in your throat. Amanda notices the color drain from your face.

"Y/N, are you ok? You don't look so good." She whispers.

You can't even answer.

Then he pulled the stirrups out from the sides of the chair...

"Put your feet in, slide your bottom down, rest your knees apart and relax."

_Deep breaths. Deep breaths._

You don't need to look down to know the gloves are on and lube is being put on his fingers at this very moment. Your throat is burning... He barely touches you before you jump.

"Miss Y/L/N, relax. You need to open your knees so I can examine you."

"I can't do this." You whisper to Amanda.

"What? Why not? What's wrong?" She looks confused.

"I can't do this." You sit up in a panic. "Get the fuck away from me."

"I assure you, it'll be fast. I just need to check your cervix."

"I said, you aren't touching me."

You could hear a pin drop with how silent the room became.

"Y/N?" Amanda's voice barely above a whisper, is speechless at the sight before her. A scalpel is against Dr Caan's throat, seemingly on its own. She's not sure what to do. She starts talking to herself but you aren't really listening to her. Your mind is preoccupied.

"Y/N, it's ok. Let's just leave. Ok?"

Amanda attempts to diffuse the situation the best she could.

A strange feeling comes creeping in that you've been experiencing for weeks now that you can't explain. You know by now that it means one thing...

_"What's going on here?"_

"Um Michael, has she always been able to do stuff like this on her own?" Amanda seems nonplussed by the situation.

_"Y/N, let go."_

"I don't want him touching me."

 _"Hey_ , _focus_. _Look_ _at_   _me_. _Let_. _Go_. _"_

The sound of the scalpel hitting the floor is all that's heard amongst heavy breathing.

_"Amanda, stay with her."_

It's quiet between you and Amanda.

"I didn't mean to do that." You whisper.

"Don't worry, I've seen you do scarier things."

_What does that mean?_

The door opening breaks your train of thought. Michael walks back in with Dr Caan.

_What the fuck did he do?_

"You're measuring fine." He goes straight back to your file like he before. You look to Michael knowing he did _something._

**What did you do?**

_**I took care of it.** _

"Ok, put your feet in, slide your bottom down and relax your knees apart."

_I can't do this. And now there's a fucking audience..._

_"I know you've avoided this part the entire pregnancy. It needs to be done."_ He whispers in your ear.

You did avoid it. You knew this had to happen sooner or later. _I_ _hate_ _when_ _he's_ _right_.

_"Lie back. I'm right here."_

As comforting as Michael was trying to be, you hated him at this very moment. _Maybe it's unwarranted but I don't care._ Ignoring the burn in your throat, you focus on your breathing. You have to pry your own legs open with sheer will at this point.

"Open your legs a little more."

You could feel yourself cringing at his words. His voice made you shiver in a way that made your blood run cold. You felt crazy and unreasonable. _This shouldn't be an issue. I wish I was fucking normal._ You thought you were doing ok, until you feel a hand firmly grasp the underside of your knee and hold your leg open. The other, you couldn't move. You knew why...

**Are you fucking serious?**

_**I'm sorry** _

Cold, gloved fingers slide into you harshly. The pressure makes a few stray tears fall. Your eyes are closed attempting to hide them. _He's fucking hurting me._

"Baby's head down. Cervix is completely effaced. You're 2cms dialated already. I'll be surprised if you make it to 40 weeks. Though as a first time mom, anything is possible. Everything looks good."

He's just as rough removing his hand as he was putting it. _Fucking bastard._

"All done, you can sit up." He jots down some notes in your paperwork before resuming. "So we've reached the last month, it's weekly visits until you deliver. I'll see you in a week."

 _Fuck._ "Ok."

With that, Michael follows him out while Amanda takes that as her cue to leave you alone for a bit. You were finally able to have a breather and situate yourself without having eyes on you. _This was terrible._

The door opening scared you.

_"Just me."_

"It's rude not to fucking knock."

_"You're angry with me."_

If the tone of your voice didn't give it away, the glare you gave him sure as hell did.

_"It had to be done. You weren't making it easy."_

"I just want to get out of here. The smell in here is nauseating and if you don't want me throwing up all over your impeccable ensemble, I suggest we go. Now."

He knew better than to say anything else...

The walk back was quiet.

 _Why is he walking so close?_ It felt strange. The fact that he was still even in your proximity was surprising. Normally he kept his distance when in the company of other people. Something was up. _What is he doing?_

_"Your mind is all over the place."_

"You think?"

_"You're nervous."_

"Well, for starters, I just had an unpleasant appointment. It's not easy... um..." You trailed off. You didn't mean for the last part to slip out.

_"What isn't?"_

_Feeling so broken that not even you can ever fix me._

"Just feeling anxious. That's all."

_"Hm."_

He knows you're lying. You know it. He's not pushing the matter though. _I don't know why, but I'm grateful either way._

" _We're_ _going_ _to_ _have_ _a_ _baby_ _soon_. _"_

Michael stops and looks like he's seen God himself. The revelation shakes him to his very core.

"Yes. Very soon. What's wrong?"

 _"I have some things to do. Why don't you go rest. I'll be back later."_ He quickly said before walking off.

You were left standing there wondering why he left so suddenly.

_Fuck it. Not even gonna bother trying to solve this one..._

\---------------------------

It's been a while since you were alone...

Amanda wasn't scared off by you after all, which you were happy for. She felt bad that Michael was falling back into his ways and didn't want you being by yourself. You knew Anthony was waiting for her though, so you did her a favor and told her you were tired and going to sleep. You lied, but she doesn't have to know that. Michael is no where to be found during the day anymore lately. You keep busy and just wait until he turns up at night. So it's just you and the little one that is happily kicking away in your belly at the moment while you wait for him to make his appearance...

"You're running out of room in there, kid." A noticable change you get to personally attest to. "We'll get to hold you soon. I'll get to find out whether my intuition was right and you really are a girl, or if it was just wishful thinking. I'd be happy either way, of course..."

A warm feeling spreads throughout your body. Then a familiar song pops into your head. You sang it from time to time to the baby when you were alone.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" You whisper.

It came back. The feeling. _You're happy._ It brings a genuine smile to your face.

You grab a pillow and take your usual spot by the fireplace. Michael thinks you're strange for liking to sit on the floor by the fire. It's comforting to you. Now, it's a secret little thing between you and the baby...

"Are we comfy in there?"

Minimal shifting. _I take that as a 'yes'_

 _"Baby mine, don't you cry, Baby mine, dry your eyes, Rest your head close to my heart,_  
_Never to part, baby of mine..._

Tears start forming. They always did. Eventually the kicks subside. You know the baby likes this... You continue...

 _From your head to your toes, You're so sweet goodness knows, You are so precious to me,_  
_Cute as can be, baby of mine..."_

_"Why sing a song that makes you cry?"_

You didn't notice him sitting there. You didn't even hear him pour himself a drink. Your heart feels like it's going to rip out of your chest.

"You're gonna give me a heart attack one day."

Setting his glass down, he gets up and comes to crouch down in front of you. He wipes away the stray tears that had fallen.

_"You didn't answer my question."_

"Uh, it's stupid. It's from an old movie I loved as a kid. My mom actually used to sing it when she was pregnant with me. I always cried whenever I heard it, even as an adult. I guess it never goes away."

He looks confused for a moment.

_"It's about elephants?"_

You can't help but laugh. "The song itself isn't."

Running his hand along your stomach, he's surprised when he's not getting kicked like usual.

_"Looks like you found a way to put them to sleep."_

"Well you weren't here when I was getting beat up earlier. You missed that party."

_"They'll be here soon."_

"Does that make you nervous?"

_"Why do you ask?"_

"You're acting strange. Well, stranger than you normally are."

_"I've never been around children. I was never really a child myself. What if they grow up and hate me? I don't want to become my f-"_

"Your father." You knew what he was getting at. "You aren't like him, Michael. You wouldn't have such inner turmoil if you were. This is different... We are different. This baby and I are proof of that."

The gears in his head are ever going. Like a well oiled machine. With that, comes the knowledge that he's already on the 5th step while you're still dragging ass on the 2nd. As fast as you are, he's always faster. You're used to it by now. So when he switched to something else entirely, you weren't surprised.

_"I want to show you something."_

_Of course he changed the subject._

"Michael, seriously? We were talking..."

_"This is along those lines. Come on..."_

Walking you through the maze of doors that take up his personal area alone makes you curse under your breath. _Such an asshole design. I'm all over these areas all the time, where the fuck is he taking me that I haven't already seen?_ Then he stops in front of his office door.

"You brought me here to see your office? I've seen it. Many times."

_"No. I figured, since it's closest to where we are now, it could be used for something else. Temporarily. Until the other place is finished."_

"What?" _Why does everything have to be a fucking riddle with him?_

You apprehensively opened the door, unsure of what could possibly be on the other side. What awaited you when you stepped inside wasn't what you were expecting...

"Do you like it?"

When you walked in, you weren't expecting to see a fully furnished nursery. You had no clue he even knew what a crib was. _Maybe..._

_A nursery. Definitely wasn't expecting this._

"Is this what you've been doing?" You're in shock

_"Yes. Among other things. Getting other things set up as well. I thought for now, this would suffice. I wasn't sure how you'd feel about the black crib... well, the black everything. Figured you could brighten it up with pink... Or blue... when the time comes."_

"How did you manage to get any of this?"

_"You of all people know I have my ways."_

You nod and smile.

_"Amanda did help. She wasn't too happy with the color, of course. Said it was 'too dark' for a baby. I won that argument."_

You can only imagine Amanda and Michael bickering over something trivial like baby furniture color. _Never thought that's something that could possibly happen. Yet, here we are..._

"I love it."

_**'I didn't think she'd like it'** _

_"I'm glad."_

\--------------------------

_**2 weeks later** _

"Your game still hasn't improved much."

Quietly contemplating his next move, a twitch of his brow tells you he's annoyed with you.

_"You know, it's considered rude to speak during an opponent's turn."_

"So NOW that rule is in effect? When you're losing, to me, again?"

You just can't help yourself. Being nine months pregnant, your mood and attitude are dangerously unpredictable. Michael has yet to lose his shit, but you know you're probably pushing your luck. _Maybe._

_"Perhaps, we make this more interesting..."_

The sly, shit eating grin on his face tells you he already has something up his sleeve...

_I know that look..._

"What are you thinking, Langdon?"

_"A little wager. To make this fun."_

"You're the one losing... You also haven't won a game against me yet."

_"There's a first time for everything."_

"Name your terms. What could you possibly want from me that I don't already willingly give you?"

The look he gives you is one you haven't seen in a long time. Not since your interview back at the outpost. _What could he possibly be thinking?_

_"How about a blind bet? Since you're so confident in your ability to beat me."_

"It's not confidence, it's the truth. You haven't beat me. But ok, I'll take it. No cheating though... No reading my mind."

_What the hell did I just agree to?_

_"Done."_

With that, you start a new game. Each of you taking your time making your moves. No words were spoken from either of you. You did notice how Michael is all of a sudden playing the best he's ever played against you. _Funny how a fire is lit under his ass when there's something at stake. Wonder what he wants so badly that he's playing so hard._

_"Getting a little nervous, are we?"_

_He has a chance to actually beat me. I fucked up. Big time._

"We should have done this a long time ago. Maybe you would have won more games against me."

Your confidence is starting to waver. You made a move that gave Michael an opening to check you. You realized it. He realized it.

When he looks at you and the smirk appears on his face... You know then that the game's over...

_"Check."_

_Fuck._

"Congratulations, you finally beat me. So, what is it that you want?"

 _"You'll see..."_ He whispers.

You didn't like the way that sounded. Actually, you did. But you know when the tone of his voice is low and beguiling like it is right now, that you aren't sure which side of Michael you are coming across and you don't like the unpredictability that came with it at times.

_"Come on."_

Leading you towards the bed, you wonder why he chose something stupid like a game to rope you into anything sexual. You're always more than willing. You keep up with his unusually high sex drive, even being uncomfortably pregnant. Your expanding belly makes positions interesting but Michael seems to make due no matter what.

_Fuck, I hope he doesn't want anal... That's a hard line. He knows it._

He wastes no time reaching down to slide your panties off. _Normal so far..._

_"On the bed. I want you... comfortable."_

_Ok... What the fuck is he getting at?_

The slow, tantalizing way he's moving is starting to make you anxious. Sex is a common occurance, why he's making some big thing out of it right now is beyond you. _Maybe because the baby can come at any time now? Guess he's savoring any sex he can?_ The way he's removing the little clothing he's wearing seems dirtier than usual. _Something's up..._ You feel wrong for some strange reason, but try and push it out of your mind.

A sore back and hips from Michael fucking you on all fours for the past few weeks has you lying on your back for this endeavor. _He's gonna have to deal with the belly in the way, I can't be on my knees tonight._

He climbs over you, hands finding their way through your hair, giving a light pull. Lips already assaulting your neck, leaving marks in their path. Your body shivers despite the heat of his. _"Dress off."_ He's almost ripping it off of you. The authoritative tone in his voice is causing a puddle to form under you.

_"I love you. Ok?"_

_Is he finally sacrificing me or something?_

"I love you too..."

Panic is starting to set it. You have an idea of what he wants...

_Restraints._

"Michael?"

Judgement is momentarily clouded when he kisses you. All teeth and tongue. It's feverish, passionate, all consuming, like he's trying to suffocate you... You willingly let him. You enjoy the way he tastes. The contact is broken when he unexpectedly thrusts into you without warning. Pulling out painfully slow, you were expecting some force behind the thrust that followed. None came... Michael took his time and went slow until he was fully inside of you. Then just stopped. No movement followed. Disappointment took over when you realize he has no intention of moving...

"Michael, what are you doing?" It comes out a breathy moan.

_"I just want to feel you around me."_

_Is he fucking kidding me?_

In an attempt to entice him, you pull him towards you so his lips are just touching your own, "Fuck. Me. Now." Grinding your hips onto him with every word.

 _"Stay still."_ He remains adamant. The icy cold stare he's giving has you slightly scared of what's to come.

The comforting feel of his fingertips line your skin. He pays mind to certain areas that he knows will elicit a response. Teasing your nipples will cause your cunt to momentarily spasm on him. His lips on your throat? Resulted in a moan that escaped his mouth when he felt how your cunt responded to him.

_He's playing a game..._

Your heart races when he delicately takes your hands and loosely interlaces his fingers with yours. _Ok. Maybe this isn't so bad..._ He tightens the grip of his hands, pulls out and thrusts back into you before he stills again... He's testing the bonds of his own restraint.

_I don't think I can do this._

His grip loosens and relief washes over you. He lightly traces patterns along your palms. It's comforting. Then a rushed kiss catches you off guard... You think nothing of it until Michael's hands move away from yours. You feel the heat of his hands wrapping around your wrists. _No..._ In the blink of an eye, he has you.

"Michael." Attempting to keep your composure.

_"Hm."_

He looks as if he's waiting to devour you.

"Um, w-what are you doing?"

No answer. You close your eyes to keep them from watering. Michael's face is close to you now... his forehead against yours. He's bringing your arms up higher above your head. His grip is bruising...

"Stop."

He stops moving but doesn't move away from you. You then feel his lips against your ear...

_"I can almost cum with how much you're clenching on me."_

"Stop."

_"You enjoy this."_

"I don't." You whisper.

_"You're close to cumming all over my cock. I feel it."_

_Why am I enjoying this? It's wrong._

You try one last resort...

_Nothing happened. Why didn't anything happen?_

_"You're strong... But I'm stronger..."_

There was no holding back tears anymore.

"I can't do this."

_"You're soaked. You obviously like it. Why are you denying yourself?" He croons in your ear._

You hate this. You hate how deep down, you like what he's doing to you. You hate yourself.

_I can't escape it. His father was right._

You stop fighting it.

_At least Michael loves me. He won't hurt me like they did..._

It does nothing to alleviate the pain you carry. That you will forever be forced to bear. This is your punishment. _The feeling never goes away..._ You realize it now...

"Fuck me."

That caught Michael off guard.

_"What?"_

"I said, Fuck. Me. Your dick is in me. Make yourself useful and at least get me off."

Now you were provoking him. You knew if you kept at it, he would snap.

"What's the matter, Michael? Afraid you aren't enough to satisfy me? I have had 5 guys at once... Don't worry, so far, you've been my favorite."

That did it. You felt the shift in him as the words were leaving your mouth. _He's a mess right now. Good._ His hold on you tightened to the point that you felt like he may break something. Then he starts to fuck you... And you're certain he has every intention on breaking you in every way possible.

"Harder."

He did.

"Harder." It came out a broken moan against his mouth.

You feel the coil deep inside you starting to tighten. You're no longer focused on Michael. You're not really focused on anything. _I guess everyone was right. I'm just a fucking whore._ With a roll of his hips, he had managed to have you cumming in a matter of seconds. It made you sick with how good it felt. The feeling came creeping in soon after... _I'm fucking sick. I shouldn't have gotten off on this._

You broke down immediately after. Lying there crying with tears running down the sides on your face, not able to breathe, fighting the bile that's rising in your throat. Michael is gazing at you in shock. You feel your tears being wiped away, then hands cupping your face. It hits you then that you're no longer pinned down...

_"Let me in."_

In your dazed state, you had no clue what he meant.

_"There's something I want to see. Let me in."_

_My memories._

"Do whatever you want."

Your voice was as broken as you felt...

Once the static pierced your ear drums, you knew what was to come...

The low hum could still be felt in your ears. Amber, crimson and violet light the impending night sky. The cold chill in the air makes a shiver run down your spine. The feel of the grass beneath you made you dizzy. You know exactly where you are... Your body aches. Your hands are wet. _Blood._

"Look who's awake..."

"Who's up for another round?"

"I can't. Please."

You see how broken you were then. And how you don't seem like you're doing any better now.

"She just came on my dick. I told you guys she likes it. I knew she was a fucking whore."

Michael was somewhere watching and listening to all of this. _What does he think of me?_

Michael is distracted by the tall, dark haired, well dressed man in the distance, watching. He had been there... Now, he's smiling as if he knows Michael is here. _ **'Crimson eyes...'**_

"Just leave the body here."

You cry as you see yourself. Used and left like worthless trash. That's all you've encountered the last few years of your life.

Everything begins to fade. Like a broken record skipping, things repeat, before ultimately stopping... You're back and gasping for air under Michael. He gives you a moment to recuperate before speaking...

_"You think you deserve what happened to you. You feel guilty. That's why your hell was what is was. It wasn't fear. It was guilt."_

Tears are escaping once more...

"Are you disgusted with me?"

_"Why would I be?"_

"How can you even look at me seeing what you've seen? Multiple times now?"

_"Because as far as I'm concerned, I'm the only one that matters to you."_

He's right about that. While not your actual first given the shitty circumstances, he's the first that mattered.

"But do you think I'm a whore for what happened?"

_"Why would I think that?"_

You avert your eyes to avoid his.

"Don't make me say it." You whisper.

It didn't register at first. Once it clicked, he knew what you were alluding to.

_"Look at me."_

You manage to after a moment, even with bloodshot, watery eyes.

_"You didn't deserve it. What happened was because of a physical response, nothing more. Doesn't mean you wanted it. Doesn't mean you enjoyed it. It doesn't warrant punishment."_

You know logically speaking, he's right. Emotionally speaking, it's something you can't let go of. It's damaged you in a way you haven't been able to fix.

_"This is why you refrained from physical contact."_

You nod.

"The smallest response would make me feel dirty. So, I just avoided it all together."

_"Your wrists. Is that why?"_

You don't even know what to say. He saw everything. Why he's even asking is confusing you.

_"You enjoyed it. But didn't want to."_

"Cause I don't want to enjoy something that I only discovered through my fucking rape."

_"I shouldn't have done what I did."_

"No." You whisper.

_Maybe Michael is my punishment._

_"I'm sorry. Though it's no excuse."_

You didn't feel ok. Maybe it was everything that had just happened but something wasn't right.

"Um, I need to get up. I think I'm gonna be sick."

Michael moves off of you, you grab your discarded dress and head into the bathroom. Your body is sore. Your wrists are already deep red in color. Nausea hits...

_Something is wrong. I feel weird._

You manage to dress yourself and splash water on your face. _You're fine. It's just anxiety..._

Waiting a few moments, swaying your hips so you wouldn't fall over from the dizziness, you feel well enough to move.

Then you felt it. _Shit._

You walk out, and had to stop when you leaked out more on the floor and look to Michael with a scared look on your face.

He knows...

_**'Baby's coming.'** _

"Um, I think my water just broke..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If no one knew by now, the song being sung was "Baby Mine." I used to sing it when I was pregnant so I slipped it in ;) and yes, Dumbo has made me cry ever since I was a child. No shame.


	14. I Will Follow You Into The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birth happens. Michael has a heart to heart with a sleeping baby. Total fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not edited cause I decided to throw in something extra at the last minute and threw everything off course. It's what I do haha. It's almost 5am now so I'll fix it later tonight. My bad guys. I just wanted to get it up. I know there's mistakes and stuff so bear with me! Also, if you're still with me on this, thank you. This trashfire will be ending soon.

Michael approaches you completely calm, which you were thankful for, because internally you were freaking the fuck out. _Holy fuck. There's no turning back now. It's happening..._

_"Baby's coming."_

"Yeah."

_"Are you ready for this?"_

"Don't really have much of a choice."

Nerves are getting the better of you. Months of every type of emotion imaginable are now suddenly crashing down on you at once. _How am I supposed to do this? I can't do this... Why did he think this was a good idea?_ Working yourself into a quiet mess inside your head, you try your best to remain in control. You're failing, but you're giving it your all.

He senses this...

_"Y/N, look at me."_

_Breathe. Just breathe._

_"Look at me."_ It comes out more stern than he intended. He tilts your face up to look at him. _"Everything will be fine."_

_**'It has to be'** _

"I hope so."

A noticable gush of liquid comes spilling out from between your legs.

_"I think we should go."_

"I don't want to go yet."

_I'd rather not give birth at all._

_"I'm not sure that's a good idea?"_

"Are you really arguing with me about this right now?"

For once, he didn't argue. No eye rolls. Deep sighs. Nothing. Just helped you by getting a towel to gather between your legs to catch any fluid that may leak out and sat you down while he cleaned up the mess you left behind. _Great timing kid..._

_"I'll get Dr Caan."_

Just hearing his name made you mad.

"I'll be here..."

Once he left, you gave yourself a minute to properly have a breakdown. Hyperventilating, heart racing, body temperature starting to rise, sweat starting to built up above your brows...

"Well kid, it looks like we'll be meeting you soon." Choking back a sob that's on the verge of spilling out. "Just go easy on me?"

_Get yourself together._

_You can to this._

_You've been to hell and back. Literally._

"Y/N!"

Amanda barging through the door caused you to nearly fall out of your chair from how badly she startled you.

"Holy shit, you fucking scared me."

"Sorry! Just... Michael told me your water broke and if I wanted to keep you company while he went to find the doctor so of course, I ran up here."

She's out of breath and almost yelling in your face.

"Amanda, first off, relax. And thank you. I didn't want to be alone."

"How are you feeling?"

"Honestly? Scared as shit. I don't know what to expect. What to do. Physically, I still feel fine. Pretty much just feel like I'm pissing all over myself."

"Are you excited? You guys are gonna meet your baby soon."

The more you hear it, the more it sinks in that you're soon going to be responsible for another person. They'll be completely dependent on you. _I'm gonna be a mom._ The thought makes your heart flutter in an indescribable way.

\-------------------------

_**Hour 3** _

_**'Bed's empty. She's doing it again...'** _

The window is where he finds you. He always does...

_"There's nothing out there... Aside from a few storm clouds."_

"You scared me."

_"You seem surprised."_

"Is this real?"

_"What do you mean?"_

"This..."

_"Why wouldn't it be? Maybe you should come back to bed. Get some rest."_

"It's just... I can feel them. Baby's trying to tell me something, I can feel it. It's strange."

_"Is this why you're pacing around?"_

"Maybe..."

All the windows are open. They always are.

_"And the windows?"_

"It's my favorite scent..."

_"I know...They're going crazy in there."_

"Only cause you're near me. I think they like you more than me."

_**'What is she looking for?'** _

_"Come back to bed."_

No answer at first. There never is. Always lost in your thoughts...

"Do you feel that?"

_"Feel what?"_

_**'What is she talking about?'** _

"That's what it is... I can feel it."

The same conversation replays over in his mind. Her choice never changes. In either of their separate states of unconsciousness. It's always lingering in the back of her mind even though she's never breathed a word of it.

_**'I don't think I'm winning this one'** _

_"It's an odd choice for a name?"_

"You hate it."

_"No."_

"Liar."

_"I don't hate it. I swear."_

"Ok. It's settled then."

_"Ok. This was almost too easy. You didn't roll your eyes or call me an Asshole once. Are you getting soft on me, Mrs. Langdon?"_

"The day is still young. Happy wife, Happy life. Remember?"

~

"How can he sleep at a time like this?"

You and Amanda are walking around aimlessly in the hall while your cramps are increasing. Michael is asleep and you're slightly annoyed that you can't be too.

"We didn't sleep yet and there's no point in both of us being awake for no reason. You two can take shifts I guess."

"You should try and get another nap in before shit starts to get intense."

Sleep was the furthest thing from your mind at the moment.

\-------------------------

_**Hour 7** _

Dr Caan comes back to check you. You aren't happy. Upon your examination, he manages to fully break the rest of your water. _It's a good thing they put all those pads down on the bed first._

"3cms and the baby is still high up. It'll be a while."

_Great._

\--------------------------

_**Hour 11** _

Amanda and Michael are switching you off between the two. Pain is increasing and with each passing contraction, Michael can feel your eyes shoot daggers at him. _If only I had something to actually shoot at him right now. He'd survive it. What's a few bullets? Or even a few stabs of a knife?_

_"I can hear you, you know."_

"Good. I wasn't trying to conceal any of those thoughts."

He knows you don't really mean any of it. _ **'Maybe.'** _He thinks. _**'It's a good thing she's not in any condition to actually kill me.'**_ He's smart enough to know better than to test your patience to personally test the theory though.

"You're never sticking your dick in me ever again."

_**'I know she doesn't mean that.'** _

He decides to push your buttons a bit...

_"So another child is out of the question?"_

The stares he gets from both you and Amanda tells him maybe he made a mistake. A big one.

"You're about to get your dick ripped off in a second..."

_**'Perhaps I should keep my mouth shut...'** _

\---------------------

_**Hour 18** _

"8cms. Babys dropped. They'll be here soon."

You've retired to lying on the bed. Pain has become unbearable to walk. You resort to curling yourself in the fetal position, awaiting contractions that are coming in steady waves every few mins.

Michael's next to you, softly caressing your back. He feels your body start to tense up, your breathing starting to increase. Your face is buried in the crook of his neck, muffling the sounds of your crying.

"I can't do this. Make the pain stop..."

_"You're almost there. Not much longer."_

\---------------------

_**Hour 21** _

Contractions feel like they're coming back to back now. Like you have no break between them. To keep from possibly damaging Michael's eardrum, you're biting down onto a pillow to quiet down your screaming. Every time you have a second to recuperate before another contraction hits, you're begging and pleading for the pain to finally stop.

_"It's almost over. You're so close."_

Michael is wiping away your tears as you're a whimpering mess beside him.

Another one hits and you wonder how much longer you can do this for...

"You must really hate me to want to put me through such fucking torture."

Before he can answer, he feels your body starting to tense again. _**'She's almost there.'**_

_"I love you. So fucking much."_

"I know. I love you. But right now, I really want to rip your balls off."

_"Noted."_

They're coming in quick succession now. Barely mins apart.

You're overwhelmed. Exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Amanda is massaging your lower back to help alleviate the pain. Michael is trying to help you control your breathing.

Then an intense pressure settles in. Not sure what to make of it at first, you just assume it's another contraction. Until your body starts involuntarily doing things on it's own...

"Um, get the doctor. NOW."

"Y/N, what's wrong?" Amanda perks up before Michael can even respond.

_"Baby's coming. Right now. I'll be right back."_

Once he leaves you try your hardest to keep yourself from pushing. Your body had other plans though. You bit into that pillow, firmly gripped Amanda's hand and cried as you fought the urge to push. You ultimately failed. When Michael came back with Dr Caan, and this time with your favorite nurse, Jennifer, they walk in to see you trembling and shaking as you try with everything you have not to give in to the uncontrollable urge.

"Lay on your back."

"I can't fucking move." You managed to bark out.

Michael carefully manuevers you with ease. Him and Amanda hold your knees up giving the doctor full access to check you.

"The head is right there."

_No shit Sherlock._

"Ok, when you feel the urge to push again, bear down and push."

Moments later, you did.

Every other minute, the pressure came and you pushed with everything you had left in you.

\---------------------

_**2 Hours Later** _

"IT FUCKING BURNS!"

"Keep pushing, you're almost there. 3,4,5..."

Exhaustion has set in and you're becoming too tired to keep going.

_Keep going, you're almost done... Fuck this, just pull the fucking kid out, I don't care anymore._

Trying to give yourself a pep talk isn't working when you're past the point of logical thinking. You're barely coherent at this point.

"The head is out."

Michael has been quietly watching the entire time, completely engrossed in what he's seeing.

"Y/N, just one more big push, ok? And push 2,3,4..."

You gathered every last bit of energy you could muster and pushed. You gripped Michael's hand so hard you thought you might have actually broken it. The blood curdling scream gave way to relief within moments when you felt the pressure give way.

And just like that, you hear it...

The sounds of little lungs testing their strength. They place the baby on your chest... You weren't prepared for the flood of emotions that came from holding this tiny bundle for the first time. You didn't notice you were crying until Michael wiped your tears away.

"Congratulations, Mom and Dad, it's a girl."

"I was right." You whisper.

You look at her and immediately take notice of how much she looks like Michael.

"Of course. I do all the work and you come out looking like your father."

Michael is intently staring at the small crying child laying on you. His child. _**'She's really here.'**_ He softly runs his finger along her tiny hand. He turns to see your face. _ **'She's happy.'**_ He looks at you with pure adoration.

"What's wrong?"

 _"Nothing. You did great."_ He places a kiss on your forehead. Not bothered by the fact that you were sweaty and gross.

Jennifer comes and takes the baby to get her cleaned and checked while Dr Caan is finishing stitching you up. _More damage I don't need down there._

You're starting to shiver and your eyelids are getting heavy. You try and keep yourself awake. Michael is watching over the baby as she's being examined. Amanda is beside him with stars in her eyes as she coos over the new life in front of her.

_When the hell did they bring one of those baby cots in here?_

"I'm just about done, you lost a lot of blood. You can hold the baby, try feeding her if you're up for it, but I suggest you get some rest first."

"Ok." It barely made it past your lips before everything went black...

\-----------------------

You awaken to blankets on top of you and Jennifer directly in your face.

"You're back. How are you feeling?"

You look at her confused.

"What?"

"You passed out. You were out for a while. If you're feeling ok, you can try feeding the baby."

"Um, ok"

She helps you up and you see that it's just you two and the baby in the room.

_Where the fuck did everyone go?_

You're sore and swollen but you make due to be able to properly hold your little one. Jennifer helps get you two acquainted with one another and helps get her started with nursing. She thankfully takes to it right away with no issues.

"I'll be back in a little while to check in and see how you two are doing."

_This is strange._

You admire the tiny thing who will now be a permanent fixture on your boobs for the next few months.

"Looks like you and your father will be fighting for them. Good thing I have two of them."

Michael comes in a little while later...

_"Hi."_

"Hi."

He sits next to you and kisses the tiny infant on her head. She barely flinches as she's suckling away at your breast.

"She needs a name. We never discussed any."

Without hesitating, Michael suggests one that you weren't expecting.

_"Rain."_

"What?"

_"That's the one you wanted."_

_How the fuck did he know that? Nevermind. Stupid question._

"I never told you that."

_"Since when does that make a difference? Besides, I had a dream long ago that you swore that she had decided her own name. That you felt it. I wasn't going to argue with you."_

"That was my dream."

_"It was mine too..."_

_I had it the first time cause of him?_

_"Maybe."_

"Stop that."

_"Sorry."_

"So, you don't hate it then?"

_"No. And as you so eloquently said it, Happy wife, happy life."_

"I'm not your wife."

_"Things can change."_

"They can..."

The silence that followed felt strange. You quickly changed the subject.

"So, Rain?"

_"Rain."_

\------------------------

_**4 Days** _

"Y/N, when was the last time you slept?"

Amanda is watching you as you fumble around with a cranky miserable child who won't latch on, meanwhile, your irritable face says it all, as you're practically in tears.

"I don't know. All I know is that this fucking kid won't latch on, Michael is no where to be fucking found and I just want to die at this point."

"Here, let me see if maybe I can calm her down some for you."

At this point, you'd glady choose Amanda over Michael. _Fucking asshole. Fuck him and his useless nipples. His useless everything. Good dick isn't everything when he knocks you up but isn't fucking around._

Somehow Amanda did it. She stopped her from crying. But you made yourself cry without realizing it.

"What's wrong?"

"...He won't even hold her. He's the one that planned this, and he hasn't even fucking held her yet."

"Maybe he just needs some time to adjust."

"He should be kissing your ass with how much you defend him."

"I just try and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Even the asshole Antichrist."

You see now why Michael gets along with her so well. She isn't like the rest of his obsequious followers. It's also why you got along with her so well.

Michael must have known he was being talked about. He appears suddenly just as you were about to say something else. _Of course you come now..._

Amanda passes Rain off to you while she's calm and you attempt to get her to latch on again. You manage to do so successfully, but are in so much pain that you are tensing up.

_"You're uncomfortable."_

"Mmhmm."

He walks over to you and runs his hand along your face.

_"You're burning up."_

"I have a baby attached to my tits 24/7 and I'm not sleeping. Probably have an infection somewhere. Seeing how bad my chest is hurting, that's probably where..."

You spend the next hour in tears as you let her nurse. The pain is unbearable. Amanda and Michael are quietly watching as you struggle.

_"Let Amanda hold her for a bit."_

"Why?"

"I've got her, Y/N. You need a breather. She's asleep anyway."

_"Come on."_

He takes your hand, helps you up and leads you to the bathroom, where he starts to undress you.

"You don't have to do this."

Michael doesn't answer. Just turns the shower on, starts undressing himself, and gently walks you in with him. You aren't sure if it's the sleep depravation, the pain your feeling or if it's a combination of both, but once Michael wraps his arms around you, you broke down crying for reasons you couldn't explain. Maybe he knew something you didn't, but he let you be and just held you.

\------------------------

_**One Week** _

"She's not gonna break if you hold her, you know."

Amanda looks over to Michael seated across the room from her, holding his sleeping child in her arms. He has yet to hold her himself...

"Do you want me to stay tonight?"

Michael doesn't answer at first. He looks over to you still sleeping before he decides to answer.

_"You should get some rest. I'll be fine."_

"Are you sure?"

_**'I can do this'** _

_"Yes."_

"Ok. If you need anything..."

_"...Thank you."_

Amanda gently places the baby next to you and quietly leaves. Michael sits and watches you two sleep. With just the sounds of soft breathing keeping him company, his thoughts start to wander. Seeing his child being born hit him that this is real. Now with just you three alone, he finally comes to terms with the realization...

_"I'm a father..."_

It hits hard. He feels his chest start to tighten as his eyes begin to well up.

**_'I have a daughter.'_ **

_**'We're a family.'** _

A tiny whimper across the room makes themselves known...

Michael waits a little while.

She's stirring a little more now.

This time, a wail from little lungs comes calling...

He hurries to retrieve her before she wakes you. Unsure at first, he takes a deep breath before carefully picking her up. Walking back slowly, he sits back down and cradles the tiny baby on his chest. She instantly nuzzles herself into him. His large hand wraps around the entirety of her small form.

_"What do you think? Hm? This isn't so bad. Looks like it's just you and I while your mother gets some much needed rest, little one."_

Within a matter of moments, she falls back to sleep on him.

 _"Good to know I have the same effect on you outside of your mother's womb. Mommy. Mommy's womb."_ He corrects himself.

The words sound strange coming out of his mouth. He admires her sleeping face and sees how much she looks like him.

_"You have your mother's permanent scowl. Don't tell her I said that though."_

He lightly touches the back of her hand before moving to graze her face. Mesmerized by the sight of her.

_"I can see why mommy is so obsessed with you. You're perfect."_

He realizes why he was so afraid to get close to her.

_"I already loved you before you were even here. Then I saw you and instantly fell in love. I was afraid if I got too close to you, I'd become too attached and you'd somehow disappear. I guess that's a stupid way to look at things. I did the same thing with mommy and I almost lost her. Once she held you, she was afraid of letting you go. Now, look at what you've done to me. I don't ever want to let go. I guess I should follow mommy's lead more often. She seems to know what she's doing most of the time. Don't tell her that though. I'll never hear the end of it. Or, maybe you should tell her. She does a pretty good job of keeping me in line."_

He looks over at you and back to his sleeping child...

_"Mommy is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Besides you, of course. Without her, I wouldn't have you. She's a vital piece to my puzzle. She's her own force. I'm fire but she's water... soft enough to cleanse you yet powerful enough to drown you. You're like me, yet so much like her... I can feel it..."_

It's then that he makes a decision that's been weighing on his mind for months...

_"What do you think? Think she'll be happy?"_

He runs his fingers along her face... She doesn't flinch.

_"Hm. Thanks for the confidence boost. Let's go lie down with mommy. That sounds like a good idea, right?"_

\------------------------

_It's quiet._

Your eyes are barely open when you go to snuggle next to your newborn and notice right away that she isn't beside you. You immediately jump up in a nervous frenzy before your eyes take notice of the sight before them. Michael is asleep next to you on his back, with Rain sleeping peacefully on him...

_He's holding her. He finally relented..._

You don't want to wake them, so you turn back over to go back to sleep. You feel a warm hand caress your back...

_"Come here."_

"Did I wake you?"

_"No."_

You nestle yourself into his side as he wraps his arm around you.

"You're finally holding her."

_"And I have no intention on letting go..."_

"You'll have to eventually."

_"Hm. I'm not making the same mistake twice."_

"What mistake?"

_What the fuck is he talking about?_

_**'Now or never...'** _

_"Y/N."_

"Hm."

You can feel his heart racing. Even with a baby sleeping on him. What the fuck is going on? You turn you head up to look at him and see he's already staring at you...

_Did he cheat on me?_

_"No I didn't. I would never do that."_

"Then what is it?"

_**'Here it goes...'** _

_"Can I keep you?"_

You look at him puzzled.

"I thought I was already yours?"

_"I mean forever."_

You aren't sure what he means.

_"Marry me."_

You're shocked. For once, you don't even have anything going through you're mind because he's left you completely speechless. You don't believe in marriage. Telling him at one point that it was only a stupid piece of paper, that it meant nothing. You meant it, he knows you meant it. Now you're suddenly having a change of heart. You aren't sure why...

_"I know you want this, even though you won't say it. Marry me..."_

Something comes over you. A moment of clarity amongst the chaos that's been your week. You love him. And now, you two have a child together. _Fuck it._

"Yes."

_"What?"_

"I love you. I want to marry you."

He tries his hardest not to wake his sleeping companion up, but he's having a hard time keeping his mouth to himself as his lips claims yours.

_"I love you."_

"I know."

You nuzzle yourself back into his side, inhaling his scent, watching Rain sleep on him undisturbed.  _Traitor.  I knew you'd end up being a Daddy's girl._


	15. River

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down. Michael is a stupid asshole. It's a wild ride folks.

If someone would have told you a year ago that you'd be sitting here with a child attached to your boob, you'd have rolled your eyes and laughed in their faces. Recalling one of the first real conversations you had with Michael, he asked if you would want children. You remember the feeling deep down when the words left your mouth of having to say that it would never happen for you, even if the world hadn't gone to shit. It was a painful reminder of all you've endured.

Now, you're up for the third time tonight, with a little one who's now an extension of you. A tiny carbon copy of her father. Another mouth that has a fascination with your breasts... Only this one requires them as a food source and not their own personal toys as Michael seems to think of them.

_I love you, but I really wish you'd sleep. Or that your father had breasts that lactated. That'd be pretty nice right about now._

_"I can take her for a bit."_

_Speak of the devil... Is he ever tired?_

"Unless your nipples have milk flowing out of them, she's probably not interested right now."

_"She usually sleeps for me."_

"After she's sucked me dry, yes."

He hears the frustration and tiredness in your voice. There's no malice in your words though. He realizes you're still on a high, despite your constant state of exhaustion and your hormones that had caused a few crying spells you couldn't control, that you were genuinely happy.

_"I'll take her when she's done."_

"She'll probably be asleep by then."

\-----------------------

After being used as a human pacifier all day, you decide that Michael can put Rain to sleep. If anyone else touched your nipples at the moment, you were going to snap. You spent most of the time topless for easy access, which meant swatting Michael away from you as well. _"They were mine first."_ His usual retort whenever you smack his hand away.

A nice long shower alone was calling your name and you planned on enjoying it. _I swear if Michael walks in here with his dick out, I'm castrating him._ To your surprise, you were left alone and were grateful for it. Worry started to set in when you realize it's been a while and there wasn't a baby crying for you...

_Guess I should get out and make sure they both aren't out there complaining... or crying._

You dry off, slip on a nightie and quickly make your way back out towards the bedroom. It's empty... _Guess he's putting her down. Why in her room all of a sudden?_ Deciding not to question anything, you take full advantage of still being alone and crawl into bed. Something so small feels so soothing when your exhausted beyond belief. Your lids are heavy and sleep is starting to overtake when you feel the bed dip behind you. Not a moment later, a warm hand caresses your side before reaching over you to pull you flush against his chest.

"Could have asked nicely. Or you know, came to me."

_"You were far away."_

"Hm." Then it dawns on you that you two were alone and you wondered why he decided to move the baby out tonight. "Why did you put her in her room?"

_"She was asleep. Figured we could have some alone time."_

_I knew he had some ulterior motive..._

"We can't have sex yet."

 _"I know. I just wanted some time with you."_ You feel him inch closer to you. The tip of his nose grazes your neck as he inhales your scent. His lips soon follow... trailing his way up lazily until they're just against your ear. His hot breath against you is making you feel flushed. _"I miss you."_

It's become the new normal for you two. You were awake with the baby literally on top of you all the time, until Michael would take her for you and the second he did, you'd fall asleep from exhaustion. You see each other without actually really seeing each other... Like two ships passing in the night. You don't remember the last time you got to enjoy the feel of him on your skin.

"I miss you too." A pang of guilt hits you. Another common occurrence since you became a mother. "I'm sorry. Your daughter needs all my attention." You whisper.

_"I know."_

You turn to face Michael. You barely make it fully before his mouth captures yours. You can feel just how much he missed you between the intensity of kiss and how hard his dick is against you... Breaking away from him, you make it a point to remind him again...

"We still can't have sex."

 _"I have something else in mind... Something you'll like."_ His voice low and raspy.

You know from experience that whenever he has something in mind, it always ends up badly for you, somehow. _I'm not falling for this shit again..._

"Hm. What do you want?"

He gets close to you, running his hand through your hair, his lips grazing your cheek before before whispering in your ear. _"I want to taste you."_

"What do you get out of it?"

When he looks back at you, his pupils are blown wide and his grip on your hair starts to get a little more firm.

_"You."_

_Hm._

"You get nothing out of it. Doesn't seem fair..."

_"I get plenty. Hop on."_

"What?"

_"Sit on my face."_

"Micha-"

_"I said, Sit. On. My. Face."_

Not a position you're used to, you awkwardly made your way up over his shoulders to straddle him. _He must have known I wasn't wearing panties._ Michael also knew you were stalling when you wouldn't immediately bring his "meal" to his mouth that he was impatiently waiting for. His lips leave soft kisses along your inner thigh. The tips of his fingers are leaving indentations in your skin with the firm grip he has on you.

_"I'll be gentle. I swear. Take the dress off."_

Unsure of why he's demanding you be naked for this, you comply to keep him happy. He gives you no time to react, just quickly pulls you down onto his mouth. He's not as eager as he usually is... He's holding back, you've come to realize. Softly running his tongue through your folds, he's greedily tasting every part of you. Then he starts sucking on your clit and you can't help but start grinding yourself on his face. The harder his mouth worked, the harder you worked yourself in it. You realized what you were doing and stopped abruptly. Or tried to. Michael's grip had your cunt locked on his mouth.

_**Why'd you stop?** _

He's still lapping away at you below... You try your best to speak...

"Um, I'm afraid I'm gonna... suffocate you."

_**Fuck my breathing. Keep going.** _

He doesn't give you time to think. Just continues. You feel him flatten his tongue against your clit and the friction is enough... You feel the warmth spreading throughout your entire body, your orgasm is looming just under the surface. So close. Then he starts pulling away, you start internally screaming. _No, why?! You fucking bastard!_ You can feel him smirk under you before his lips captures your clit a final time. You weren't expecting it. You also weren't expecting to finish as fast as you were. But Michael has many talents. One being the many uses of his mouth. You pull his hair, which causes a moan to escape him that pushes you completely over the edge. You ride his face hard as an intense orgasm leaves you breathless and trembling. He doesn't let up...

"Michael, stop, it's too much."

_**Almost done...** _

He's savoring every drop you have to offer.

This becomes a nightly occurrence. Well, almost... When Rain decides she wants to sleep anyway...

\-----------------------------

"Y/N, you're glowing lately. Have you actually been getting sleep? Or has Michael been dicking you down? Maybe a little of both?"

Leave it to Amanda to be a nosy shit. Good thing you love her and don't mind entertaining her.

"Nope, definitely haven't slept. We also haven't fucked yet either."

"So, you're just now sporting a natural glow?"

"His dick has not gone anywhere near me."

"What about _other_ parts of him?"

The grin on her face tells you she can tell you're a lying sack of shit and knows you're at the very least getting off lately. A lot...

"...Shut up."

Amanda has your child carried and starts having a very one-sided conversation with her.

"You hear that? Mommy and Daddy are practically making you a big sister already."

_It's a good thing she doesn't understand anything yet..._

"Dude, we haven't even had sex again yet."

She's completely ignoring you. Focusing all her attention on Rain...

"I know, kid. I'm kind of grossed out too. They don't keep their hands, or mouths, off of each other, it seems."

"Amanda."

"It's a good thing you have no idea what's going on and that you have your own room. We don't need you being traumatized seeing Daddy mounting Mommy. No we don't..."

"I think Aunt Amanda is gonna be barred from playing with you if she doesn't stop."

Your child is unimpressed as she is still asleep during this...

"Seriously though, you wouldn't want to have another kid?"

_Not happening._

"I don't know. Ask me in like a year maybe, when she's no longer using me as a human cow."

She doesn't know the truth about how you got pregnant to begin with. There's a lot about you that Amanda doesn't know. You wanted to keep that locked away and never speak of it ever again. Only you and Michael know, that's how you wanted to keep it.

Then she asks a question you weren't expecting...

"Are you two ever going to tell anyone that she's his?"

Something else that's been on your mind... She's one of the very small handful of people that knows Michael fathered a child. Your entire relationship, as strange as it is, is entirely unknown to anyone outside of Amanda. Michael preferred to keep things private. At least when it came to you. You never really questioned it, just accepted the order of things. Maybe you didn't want to admit it to yourself that deep down, it did bother you at times. But you know it's easier... It just made sense to continue acting like you don't exist around each other when people were around. _If it ain't broke, don't fix it._

"It doesn't really matter."

"It does matter. She's gonna talk eventually. Can't keep her locked up here. What's he gonna do when she calls him Daddy around someone? Ignore her? Is he going to keep her a secret forever? What about you? Why all the secrecy?"

You never really thought of it. This is how it's always been with Michael.

"She seems to have him wrapped around her finger already. I don't think he'd break her heart."

"What about you?"

That threw you for a loop.

"What about me?"

"It doesn't bother you that you're his dirty little secret?"

You don't know where all this is coming from. Amanda is normally the first to defend Michael. Tonight, she's finding every reason to throw him under the bus. You aren't sure if it's directed at him. Or you...

_This is a strange turn of events..._

"I guess I don't see it that way. It's always been like this with us. Did I miss something.. Or...?"

"No. It's just fucking weird."

"Now's when you're taking notice of just how strange Michael is?"

She gives you a shrug. You nod. You both know...

"Sorry for being a bitch. Just in a mood I guess..."

You suspect that maybe something's bothering her, so you push a little more...

"It's ok. You know, you aren't my slave or anything. You don't have to spend so much time with us."

"I know. I love you guys and of course, I want to be the best aunt ever..." She says cooing at your now semi awake child. "I'm just... nervous about how Anthony and I are gonna be when the time comes for me to... have this baby..." she drawls.

_Holy fucking shit._

"What?"

"It's still early but, um, we just found out that I'm pregnant. We don't know shit about being parents. It's a little nerve wracking. So, yeah, you're gonna be an aunt too."

You surprised yourself and pulled her in for a hug. Amanda was shocked by the gesture. She knows you're not overly fond of contact but reciprocated and seems to be relieved to have said something.

"So that's why you're being a cranky bitch."

"Ant has been a good sport with my horrible fucking mood swings. Now I know why you were such a scary bitch when you were pregnant. You know, besides the whole, "devil's grand baby" thing."

Right on cue, Michael startles the both of you. Had the glass not made any noise, neither one of you would have noticed him. He's sitting and pouring himself a drink...

_"Congratulations."_

It was a genuine statement.

"Thanks, Michael."

You hadn't noticed the smile on her face, but once you do, she looks radiant to you all of a sudden. _So that's what it looks like to have a happy pregnancy. Huh_. Michael kept to himself as you and her had your baby talk. She leaves once she sees the baby is getting restless.

It's quiet while you get her to sleep for a bit. She's noticably less fussy when Michael is close by. Once asleep, he takes her and puts her down. You notice the glass he left sitting on the table. You down it without thinking about it. There was no savoring the peaty taste in your mouth. Just the slight burn in your throat as it went down.

_Fuck. I needed that._

_"You shouldn't be drinking."_ As he refills the glass and hands it back to you.

"What did I tell you about scaring me?"

_"But you make it so easy. How can I resist?"_

_Asshole..._

You take the glass and down that one too. You know it's probably stupid to do, but you don't care. He pours you a third before sitting down.

_"Bottoms up..."_

Slowly savoring the last one, you've barely finished swallowing the remains of the liquid before Michael is pulling you towards him. You aren't exactly sure of what he wants, but you have your own plans in mind. Alcohol always did make you brazen. You straddle him, your bare cunt can already feel him hard against you. _Already? We haven't done anything... Maybe I shouldn't make a mess all over his pants._ Those thoughts are quickly silenced. His hands find their way to your breasts, you instantly groan.

"I could do with you not touching them."

_"Ever since our daughter has gotten ahold of them, I've had to share. You know how I feel about sharing..."_

"She requires them for sustenance. You use them for pleasure."

You can't help but smile when he rolls his eyes and sighs at you.

_"She's lucky I have no choice but to give up my playthings for her."_

"Did you seriously just refer to my tits as your "playthings" Michael?"

He winks at you. It's then you decide to play. You slowly undo the red scarf he's wearing. _This would make a nice wrist restraint... or a blindfold._ You run the smooth material in your hands. _Definitely blindfold._ Michael cocks his eyebrow at you. You know he's prodding around in your thoughts. You cover his eyes and make sure to tie the knot tight.

"No peeking."

He pulls you in for a kiss. You deepen it before pulling away without warning. His hands are working on pulling the thin straps on your gown down...

"Keep your hands on the rests. Don't move them."

He groans, but obeys. The loss of contact when your body leaves his has him wondering where you're going with this.

You discard your dress and kneel in front of him. When you rest your hands on his knees, his breath hitches. _I think he now knows where this is leading._ Gliding your hands up his thighs, you go straight to undoing the bindings of his pants. It's no surprise that he's not wearing anything underneath, and it does make this endeavor much easier for you. You purposefully take your time...

His hands grip the arm rests when you start stroking him. He stops breathing when your mouth comes close to him... Once your lips part and his tip is in your mouth, you make quick use of your tongue and massage his shaft as you work him in towards your throat. He finally gasps. _Guess he likes that._ Languidly working your hands up and down, in tandem with your warm mouth, moaning and sucking eagerly on him; it's becoming a challenge to keep his hands to himself. You pick up your pace, taking him as deep as you can, before pulling back until your lips are just grazing the tip of his dick. You play this game for a bit until you see Michael is trying his hardest not to thrust himself into your mouth. _He's behaving well enough... **I think I am...**_

You reward him. With your spare hand, you give his balls a gentle tug while you increase suction, just enough that he ruts his hips into you. The gliding of your hand, the feel of your warm, wet mouth and your tongue moving coalesce in the crescendo of a mouth symphony of sensation that's become unbearable.

His moans can no longer be contained as he's past the point of no return. A subtle moan from you and the vibration pushes him over the edge... He's cumming before your name leaves his lips. Once you feel he's finished, you slowly pull off of him, being careful not to lose any of his cum that you have sitting on your tongue.  
You straddle him, quickly remove his blindfold and guide his mouth open to spit so he can taste himself. He swallows every drop with no complaints.

_"One day, maybe you'll swallow instead of making me do it all the time."_

"You enjoy it."

If there's one thing you can appreciate, it's Michael's stamina. He's still very hard against you. _Not surprising._ You lightly rock your hips, feeling him against your folds.

_"I thought we couldn't do anything yet?"_

"I'm gentle. You aren't."

Lifting yourself up slightly, you line him up at your entrance, and guide him inside of you. Slowly working your way down, you hear a moan slip Michael's lips once he's fully seated in you.

 _"You can just stay like this."_ He whispers.

One sway of your hips and he's quick to change his tune...

_"Or you can fuck me..."_

You pull him in for a kiss. You use him as your own personal plaything tonight... He gladly obliges.

\------------------------------------

They say when things are too good to be true, they usually are. You'll soon find this to be the case. With each night that passes, you're getting more than an hour of sleep at a time now. At first it was welcomed. Then the dreams started... They feel familiar. Like you've had them before. Experienced them before. _Somehow_. Every one you have seems to feel more and more real. As the weeks go on, they become recurring. First just fragmented pieces. Then full pictures. Then an old acquaintance comes calling...

**Wake Up...**

*************

_**"What's the matter? Don't you remember this place?"** _

It didn't take a moments notice to figure out you were at the outpost. In the office. You see Michael and Mallory. The way he interacted with her was... different. He seemed hellbent on completely destroying her back then. But this didn't seem like the case...

_"I think you were made for that world Mallory. I sense it in you..."_

You see the way Michael strokes her face. Something inside you burns.

_"You're afraid, of accepting who you are..."_

You can feel something inside of you. Something strange.

_**"You weren't the one he wanted. Your dear friend Mallory is the one he desired. You would have been left here to rot. How does it feel? Knowing you were just second best?"** _

"This isn't real."

_**"Isn't it? You feel it. I know you do. He felt something with her..."** _

You do feel it. The pull he felt at that moment to the hidden power she had. The fire swirling around in his veins. The ache in his chest when he thought he found someone like himself. The pulse of excitement in his dick when the thought of fucking her came to mind. It's all hitting you. His father knows what it's doing to you...

_**"She saw through his unctuous bullshit, maybe you should have done the same..."** _

"Stop."

_**"What's the matter, my dear?"** _

You spot a letter opener on the desk. _It's sharp enough._ You stab it into your hand, hard.

**Wake Up...**

**********************

Your eyes flutter open... Blinking several times attempting to focus... You notice your surroundings. _The outpost. I'm still here..._ You sit up and notice your swollen belly. _I'm very pregnant..._ You realize you're still dreaming. At least you hope you're only dreaming... _Fuck. Why won't I wake up._

You're startled by Michael walking through the door. You say nothing. You wait to gauge his reaction towards you, if any. He barely glances in your direction, just grabs something out of the desk across from you before leaving the room, without saying a word.

_What the fuck was that about?_

_**"Perhaps we should go investigate."** _

_Oh no. I need to wake up..._

_**"I think you'd like to see this..."** _

Everything changes in an instant...

You see Michael. He sees you. It wasn't what you expected. Actually, you weren't sure what to expect.

_"What are you doing?"_

You stood there, mouth agape with incredulity. You weren't expecting the sight in front of you. Michael is balls deep in Mallory, while the blonde bitch, you remember named Madison, is finger fucking herself, while watching and probably waiting her turn. _What the fuck?_

The fact that he was fucking his so called enemies was another shock to you. At the same time, it isn't. You felt it. You knew it would happen.

"What do you mean, what am I doing? What the fuck are you doing?"

_"You knew the stipulations. I gave you a child, I fuck who I want. That was our agreement. Now, if you could get the fuck out so I can finish..."_

It's clear by his actions that you somehow agreed to this. How or why is unknown to you.

_How did we get here?_

_**"Ouch. Your lovely husband is quite harsh isn't he?"** _

You ignore him. You attempt to ignore the slapping of skin, the moans, the heavy panting. It's making you sick. You walk out back to the room that's presumably yours. You search the room for something sharp. _The desk has to have something..._ you search for a bit and come across scissors. _Better than nothing._ Opening them up, you drag the barely sharp edge up your arm as hard as you can... You clench your jaw to keep from screaming...

"Come on, wake the fuck up." You say through gritted teeth.

The burning subsides some as the blood begins to flow...

**Wake Up...**

\----------------------------------

_"Hey, are you ok?"_

You look around frantically. Everything appears normal. Michael is looking at you confused.

_"Bad dream?"_

"Um, yeah. I'm sorry if I woke you."

He pulls you in close to him. You instantly felt a palpable sense of relief. Not a moment later, you feel his lips working their way towards your neck.

"Michael, I told you, you're too ro-"

_"I'll be gentle."_

_Hm._

_"Please."_

You don't know why, but tonight, you give in. He was gentle, as promised. It was a rare side of Michael. One you've never personally experienced. Slow, calculated thrusts have you completely falling apart. Your orgasm tears through you in waves. Michael came shortly after in a strangled groan. You both lie there with labored breathing, catching your breath. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, you embrace him, just enjoying his weight on you like a security blanket.

What you don't notice is the crimson eyes of the man falling asleep on you...

When you awaken hours later, you notice Michael is gone. Your chest hurts from not nursing all night. _Maybe he went to get the baby..._

You lie back down for a few. Before you know it, you're drifting back to sleep without meaning to...

***********************

You can't move your arms. You're only in underwear. You know exactly where you are. Panic sets in... _Fuck, I was awake. Why am I back?_

_**"You've got yourself in quite the predicament."** _

You try and remain calm, but the memory of this particular place has you hyperventilating.

_**"Are you having a moment? Oh right. I forgot, you did have an incident happen in this very room, didn't you?"** _

You can't speak. You don't know what's to come and for the first time since this nightmare started, you're terrified.

_**"I do believe someone is coming."** _

Approaching footsteps have your heart hammering away in your chest. You felt the change in the air before he walked in the chamber. _Michael._ You don't know why you're here, so you say nothing. He comes closer, his fingers slowly tracing your scars as he circles around you. He stops at one in particular...

_"This was the nail on the coffin."_

You swallow. You aren't sure where any of this is going. Or how it started...

 _"Don't be nervous, Y/N."_ He whispers. _"Let's play a game."_

If they're anything like the other games you've played with him, you lose no matter what. This scares you. Especially since you don't know the context of your relationship.

**Wake up...**

Tears are starting to pool in your eyes. Your stomach drops when you see a knife in Michael's hand. _Fuck._ He slowly brings it to your face, carefully dragging the blade along your cheek, then down your jugular where you feel the blade held against you.

_"Do you trust me?"_

You look at him straight in the eye and answer as confidently as you can muster. "Yes."

He inches close to your face and whispers, _"Don't."_

_**"I think I like this side of my son."** _

He momentarily puts the knife down and walks around behind you. He's so quiet, you think he's left, and you start thinking of ways to get the hell out of this. Until you feel his fingers hook onto the side of your panties and start pulling them down. _Oh no._ You hear the zipper of his pants. The knife makes it's way back towards your throat. Tears start streaming down your face.

 _"Do you still trust me?"_ He whispers. His warm breath causing you to shiver against him. This wasn't your Michael. He felt different. Darker. You seem to be the object of his sordid, perverse desires. You weren't escaping this one...

"Yes." It was a lie. But you were hoping he believed you. The reasoning behind "why" you don't know. Maybe you wanted to believe yourself.

He gives you no warning. You flinch upon the pressure of him forcing himself in your asshole. The edge of the blade is nicking your skin every time you move...

**Wake. Up.**

The pain is physically making you sick. He then presses the knife closer. He drags it across, slowly, to make sure you feel it. It suddenly becomes harder to breathe...

**Wake.**

**Up...**

*********************

_**"Why do you choose him, knowing that if the roles were reversed, he wouldn't make the same one?"** _

Given the choice between saving Michael or yourself, you chose Michael.

"Because that's my choice. When you love someone, that's what you do. It's a sacrifice you make."

_**"He wouldn't sacrifice himself for you. You know this. Why would you willingly do so for him?"** _

"He can take care of her in a way I can't. I can't protect her. I'm not like him."

_**"Could you choose between your daughter and Michael? Trade one life for the other?"** _

"I'd trade my life for theirs."

It came out without a second thought.

_**"You're right, you're not like Michael. You're far greater. It's a shame he wouldn't do the same for you."** _

"Stop."

_**"You know it's true. You just won't admit it."** _

"Shut up."

_**"He lowered his own standards by sticking his dick in a crazy whore. His words not mine, and now, he regrets all the baggage that comes with it."** _

"Stop."

_**"I'm sorry you had to find out this way, darling."** _

They say the devil lies. _But what did he have to gain?_ This breaks your heart...

**Wake Up...**

\----------------------------------

_"Hey, wake up."_

Nothing.

_"Y/N, wake up."_

"STOP!"

The ear piercing scream echoed through the room. Michael wasn't expecting it. He held up his hands in front of him, showing them to you. _"Look, I'm not touching you. See?"_ He sees tears streaming down your face. He's trying to sift through the convoluted mess that's happening in your mind. _"Breathe."_

**_'Where the fuck did all that come from?'_ **

He recognizes some of the memories being shown. How you're seeing them, he doesn't know.

_**'She wasn't there for that.'** _

The others, he assumes are just things you'd dreamt up. Until a certain thing catches his attention. A certain something that wasn't a dream... His blood runs cold. His chest tightens. For a moment, he forgets how to breathe; to intake air into his lungs... The intricate web he's spun is slowly unraveling before him.

_**'He fucked her. In our bed.'** _

"Michael?" You whisper. "What's wrong?"

He looks in your eyes. He realizes you have no idea what you've done. _**'She has no clue.'**_ He's faced with a choice : Tell you what happened, leaving you to deal with the consequences of that, or, not tell you, handling the situation himself. He chooses the latter.

_**'If she knew, it would destroy her. I can't do that to her.'** _

What he doesn't take into account - the internal conflict inescapably bound to the toll he's now willingly carrying. It'll consume him. It'll bend him until he's broken. It's a risk he takes now. It'll cost him later...

_"Nothing."_

You feel strange. _He's lying to me. I feel it._

"Are you sure?"

_"It's nothing. I swear. Let's go back to bed..."_

You feel his heart racing against you. He doesn't say another word to you. _Something feels off._ Neither one of you slept much that night... Or many nights after.

\----------------------------------

_**2 Weeks Later** _

There was an unspoken mounting tension between yourself and Michael that you couldn't place. There wasn't an outright hostility, but he was suddenly cold and distant. He had moments where he would act normal and loving towards you. _As loving as he's capable of anyway._ But it would be gone in an instant. You couldn't put your finger on it.

When he started disappearing again, you turned the other cheek. When he stopped sleeping next to you, you accepted it even though it hurt to do so. You dealt with him recoiling every time you attempted to touch him, like doing so made him sick. So you no longer did.

You were fine with him not wanting anything to do with you. When he started to ignore Rain too, that's when it cut a little too deep.

\-----------------------------------

Weeks go by... You hadn't seen Michael.

It comes as a shock, when you walk back into your once shared bedroom after putting the baby to sleep and find him there. He doesn't even acknowledge you... Just sits there, taking a swig out of his bottle. _Don't lose your shit._ You don't want to lose control. You're angry. Heartbroken. It hurts when you look at him. It hurts when you don't. Contemplating on whether or not to say anything, you stand there, lingering for a few. Your thoughts are everywhere. The longer you sit there in silence, the more things are simmering under the surface, just waiting to boil over. The sound of his breathing grates your nerves. You want to wrap your hands around his throat and crush his trachea. You no longer have the power to do so. He could kill you in a heartbeat. At one point, you know he never would. Now? You aren't so sure...

You hear the sound of glass hitting glass every time he settles the bottle down. After the fifth time... You snap. You step directly in front of him. _You still won't even look at me?_ He goes to grab the bottle again but you snatch it up before he can...

"Whatever I did to you, is on me, not your daughter."

You aren't sure what's possessing you to blow up in Michael's face the way you are right now. _I should be stronger than this._ The fact that he won't even look at you while you're yelling at him is another blow...

"Break my fucking heart all you want. Don't make it a habit now to start breaking hers..."

They say that no response is a response in itself. His silence was loud and clear.

You feel utterly defeated.

_How did we get here?_

Being the masochist you are, you ask the one question that's sure to shatter your own heart...

"Do you love me, Michael?"

Hope is a stupid thing to have, especially with someone like Michael. But you stupidly had a speck of it when you asked, desperately clinging to it, that maybe he would give you something. When you're met with more silence, you can no longer contain the tears that are pooling. _Congrats bitch, you played yourself._

Without thinking, you throw the bottle across the room. Before it makes impact with the wall, it appears back on the table. With shaky hands, you inch close to his face and slap him as hard as you can.

"I'm sorry I ever fucking met you."

Before your back even turns, you're on the bed, under Michael. His hand tightly around your throat. It takes you a second to realize what happened. His face his so close to yours that he's breathing into your mouth. His hand is slowly tightening, but he notices you aren't fighting him. His grip tightens. It's getting harder to breathe now but you still don't stop him. Tears are escaping your eyes. You're starting to pass out. You see the look in Michael's eyes. _He's crying?_ Before you feel yourself starting to slip under, he lets go...

With cloudy vision, you're intaking gulps of air while you feel Michael bustling around on top of you. His fingertips are raking up your thighs and taking your panties off in quick movements. He settles himself between your thighs, his hands are in your hair, tugging harshly.

 _"Look at me."_ His voice like a rising storm.

You instantly shudder under his touch.

_"You have no fucking idea of the burdens I carry. Of the shit that I've seen... That I've heard... They haunt me."_

"You're not the only one, you selfish fucking bastard."

There's a glint of uncertainty in Michael's eyes. _He's either gonna kill me. Fuck me. Or both._ Considering the mental state he's in, you wouldn't put necrophilia past him at this point.

_"Everything I do is for you..."_

He's surprisingly slow and gentle when he starts to push himself inside of you. You missed this. Then without warning, nothing but hard snaps of Michael's hips slamming into you is all you get from here on out.

Every pass of Michael's dick in you reminds him of what he's trying to forget. His father's broken words are now echoing in his mind...

_**"...Forged in hell, yet I tasted God on her skin..."** _

_**"She's so receptive towards you..."** _

_**"It was easy to slip right in with tangible results..."** _

He knows he can't blame you. But he still does. He wants to hate you. But he can't. He doesn't. He hates himself...

So he punishes you in the only way he knows how... Each thrust, every snap of his hips... This is for his pleasure, not yours. He fucks you. It's feral. It's degrading. But he knows you'll take whatever he gave. You always did. He comes with a growl deep in his chest; moaning against your lips. You can feel bruising starting to form on various parts of your body. You'd gladly suffer them if it meant you can feel him like this forever... _How fucked up does that make me?_

Michael says nothing as he gets off of you. You've barely gotten yourself straightened out before he finishes getting dressed and is gone without saying a word.

Feeling numb, you peel yourself off the bed and into the bathroom to shower. You needed to wash the resentment off. Michael made you feel dirty. Cheap. Used. _If that was his intention, then he hit his mark..._

With hot water cascading over your body soothing over your aching bones, one question still lingers... Yet, you can't even ask yourself it.

_I think I have my answer..._

\-----------------------------

You give yourself a few days to get your head on straight. _No hasty decisions._ You haven't seen Michael, which made the decision you were about to make slightly easier. _Not that he gives a fuck anymore anyway._ Rain was awake in her crib, being exceptionally fussy. Maybe she knew Michael had abandoned her. You were heartbroken for her. You pick her up and attempt to console her.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm not your father, but I'm all you've got kid."

You feel how distressed she is.

_She misses Michael._

"I know. I know. I miss him too..."

All the pain you tried to mask, that you tried to drown, all felt real then. There is no more hiding it. She was making you feel it. Like being cut open with a jagged piece of glass. Maybe all the things you've experienced was just a stepping stone for this... You were meant to be broken. Michael will be the thing that breaks you... The thing that broke you.

You alone have to pick up the pieces.

_I have no one to save me..._

\----------------------------------

Michael comes looking for you days later. You're no where to be found...

_**'Rain...'** _

Her room is empty.

A note on the dresser catches his attention. He recognizes your handwriting...

**'I love you. I'm sorry.'**

Panic sets in when he realizes he can't feel you anymore. That he can't feel her anymore either.

_**'Amanda, she has to know something.'** _

‐---------------------------------

Amanda hasn't seen Michael in a couple of months. She's shocked when he's suddenly in her room, looking frantic.

"Michael! What the fuck are you doing here? Besides scaring the shit out of me?"

_"Where's Y/N?"_

"Have you checked your bedroom? I'm assuming that's where she is."

 _"She's not there."_ He snapped.

"I saw her a few days ago... I haven't seen her since."

_**'She isn't lying.'** _

"You fucked up. Badly. Not only did you abandon her, you abandoned your fucking daughter."

She knows what she's saying is hitting him where it hurts. She's about to drive the final nail in his coffin...

Reaching in her desk drawer, she pulls something out and hands it to him...

"Here. She wasn't sure what to do with it. I kept it in case you wanted it back."

He inspects the small metal object in his hand. His poised demeanor is shattered in an instant...

Amanda knew exactly what she was doing.

He has questions mounting in his mind. They all come back to one...

_**'Where the fuck are you?'** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No she was not kidnapped or anything. She left on her own accord.


	16. Wait A Million Years Pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last Chapters. Let's go...
> 
> Chapter title is a song from The Grass Roots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this became so long that I'm splitting it into two parts. It's choppy and feels off, I know. I'm just in a bad headspace and stressed lately but am trying to finish this. Bear with me.

Time works differently. It has ever since everything you knew ceased to exist, but there was still a degree of day and night. Now, it's only ever dark. Days no longer mattered. You lost count at this point. It doesn't mean anything anymore. This is your home.

_At least I'm not stuck in my own personal hell. That's something I guess._

That's the only solace you have. You aren't suffering in that particular hell anymore, but you're stuck in another one. One you traded your very soul for. A voluntary sacrifice on your part. Your heart grows heavy at the thoughts running through your head.

_I hope Raindrop realizes why I had to do this..._

_I did it for him too..._

Thinking about them hurts. You resort to not doing so if you could help it. Your thoughts are all you have keeping you company most of the time. It's difficult not to.

_"Always so deep in thought."_

The voice sends shivers down your spine. It always catches your attention. He knows this.

"Can you not do that, please?"

_"I just want you comfortable around me."_

"I'm perfectly fine. You don't have to do... that."

You don't look at him. You can't. He knows you can't, yet chooses to do it nonetheless. _I'd rather he not play these games right now..._ You refused to even occupy the same space as him before, at least now you're being civilized and on speaking terms.

_**"Better?"** _

He took notice of how much you relaxed once you heard his voice. Your demeanor shifted when you saw he looked different. You've seen this other human form of his. It wasn't unpleasant. Entirely the opposite if you had to admit it.

"Thank you. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

_**"Just figured you could use some company. You keep yourself cooped up in here."** _

"I just -"

_**"Need time. I know. It's an adjustment but I can assure you, you'll grow accustomed to this place. I'm not as dreadful as you think I am."** _

_Maybe not now._ He seemed bent on making your life a shit show for the longest time. Now, he treats you as if you're a precious heirloom. Like if he were to look at you too hard, you'd shatter. Why the change, you don't know. It's a little unsettling considering he's the devil himself.

_**"A drink? I know this one is your favorite."** _

When he shows you the bottle, you're breathing stills.

"I've drank it before."

Before you can say anything, he already poured you both drinks and handed you a glass.

_**"You need to relax. Bottoms up."** _

_Fuck it._ You don't even savor the taste, just down it in one gulp. The burn feels soothing. _It's nice to feel..._

"Thanks."

_**"You don't have to stay here all the time, you know. You're free to do whatever you'd like."** _

_Except leave..._

"I'm ok here."

\-----------------------------

_**"Come. I finished attending to my business... I figured you should stretch your legs some."** _

"Where are we going?"

The arrangement between you two was strange. You're technically his property yet he didn't treat you as such. He was very cordial, which even you had to admit, made you grateful.

_Eternity is a long time to be stuck with someone. He's not treating me like shit, so I guess this could be worse._

_**"To do something I know you'll enjoy."** _

The way he said it made you uneasy, but you ignored it and followed.

He leads you back to his private quarters. You realize you've been in this room before. The warmth of the large fireplace catches your attention just like I did the first time you entered here. _Why did he bring me here?_ The pressing thoughts running through your mind make it hard to focus. You hadn't noticed you were idly standing there until your attention is called...

_**"Have a seat, my dear."** _

He stood there gesturing for you to sit. When you glance down before you, you see what he had in mind. Slowly taking a seat in one of the soft leather chairs, you took in the beautiful glass chessboard. He took his seat across from yours. You smiled and broke the silence.

"White or black?"

_**"Black."** _

_Like father, like son..._

"Ok. No cheating."

 _ **"Wouldn't dream of it."**_ He said with a sly smile.

_Hm._

It was quiet at first. He played his moves fast. As if he already had your entire technique down to a science. Then his turns became slower. You could feel his gaze every time you analyzed your moves. Every time you look at him, your mind runs rampant.

_Is it him doing this? Or is this place getting to me?_

_**"Something on your mind?"** _

"Nothing really. Just thinking is all..."

_**"Always thinking. So tell me, what marvelous notions are you concocting in that pretty little head of yours?"** _

"Did you really do a lot of the things they say?"

_**"What do you believe?"** _

"I don't really believe in anything. I know different religions have their own takes. You go by many names. Not everyone gets to sit down and personally talk to the Lord of Hell and ask for themselves."

 _ **"I may have done a few things."** _Said with a wink and a deviant smile.

"A few, huh? Where you really the serpent that tempted Eve with the forbidden fruit?"

_**"You can't tempt those who weren't already desiring something to begin with... It was already there, deep down."** _

"Hm. I suppose you have a point."

_**"It's just easier to place the blame of the fall of man on me, to vilify me, than to accept the idea that God himself fucked up. She ate from the forbidden tree because she wanted to. I just, gave a little... nudge, if you will."** _

"And we were all fucked for it. Thanks, guys. I guess that's what the churches were for. For atonement. To be redeemed...To be purified and cleansed."

_**"The biggest lie humans are told is that they can't be truly saved without help from the Almighty Lord above, or else they'll face eternal damnation. So they flock to churches every Sunday, hoping in the end, they'll wind up at those big pearly gates after they've passed."** _

"Kind of like forced attrition. Hasn't that always been their ploy though? They feed people hope to poison their souls and in the end, it doesn't matter where your moral compass points because some people are fucked, to begin with, no matter what. Organized religion was a fucking scam nevertheless."

_**"I suppose you're right about that. Of course, you would know, wouldn't you?"** _

"I was never oblivious. I knew, deep down, that nothing will save me because there is nothing to save."

He was easy to talk to when he wasn't trying to destroy your life. This is your life now. Your afterlife? You aren't sure what to call it anymore.

**_"... You know, you're very skilled. I'm impressed."_ **

"I played a lot as a kid. It's all about strategy. I always saw myself as a chess piece... Just moving along the board."

_**"The queen?"** _

"A pawn..."

\-----------------------------

The nights are when you feel the emptiness that you try to avoid. It hits. Hard. _I can't let myself break. It'll do me no good. I'll never see them again._

The truth of the matter was that as much as you try and say you really only did this for your daughter, you did this for Michael too. You miss him terribly and feel stupid for it. _He didn't love me anymore but I sure as fuck love him. What the fuck is wrong with me?_

You dream of them all the time. You're happy then... Until you wake up...

There were times you'd wake up and see your father in law sitting across from you, drink in his hand, watching you sleep. At first, it made you uncomfortable...

_**"You seemed to be having trouble sleeping. Just wanted to make sure you're alright."** _

But loneliness overtook after a while. Just being around someone felt nice.

There were times when you've woken up alone... Not a hint that he was there.

That is until a single red apple would be awaiting you when you woke...

\------------------------------

_**"How could I have fucked up this badly?'** _

Michael should know better than to question the reasons why you left. His shitty behavior led to this. Were his actions were justified? _ **'They sure the fuck weren't.'**_ You did nothing wrong. He knows this. He's never been one for regrets. They're for the weak-minded. Regret to Michael means he acknowledges that he made an error; an oversight. He makes no mistakes. Everything he does is carefully crafted to work in his favor. Until now...

In his hand, he refuses to let go of your ring. It's leaving an imprint in his palm. His other hand is cradling yet another bottle of alcohol tonight. He misses the sound of your voice. The sound of your soft breathing as you slept was an odd source of comfort to him. The silence eats away at him. He misses you. He misses her... He's trying to drown his thoughts.

Memories keep replaying in his mind...

~~~

"So, what are you gonna wear?"

"A dress? What kind of question is that?"

"I know that, asshole! I mean, like, are we going full gothic black? Are we going full Virgin Mary and putting on a white dress? Even though uh, everyone now knows you two have a kid, sooo there goes the whole virgin thing..."

"Funny. I don't know. Just throw a fucking dress on me and call it a day..."

"Hm. Michael, your soon-to-be wife isn't helpful at all."

_"No shit."_

"Then you two plan this shit. I'll just show up. Maybe..."

You argued with him on why a wedding was even happening in the first place. You didn't care about the details. Or a dress. He half expected you to call the entire thing off when he suggested a dress. He knew his reasoning would win you over. He fondly remembers you tearing up over it...

_"Gray."_

"Why gray?"

_"I fell in love with you in a gray dress."_

When you had no rebuttal, he knew he had you.

_"Do I win?"_

"You're a smooth motherfucker, you know that? Yes, you win."

~~~

"Now's your chance to run..."

_"You're not getting rid of me that easily."_

~~~

The way you looked at him is forever rooted in his mind. Your trembling hand interlaced in his as you stood there trying not to throw up.

_**Relax** _

~~~

_"...How you gave me everything you had and how I offered you what was left of me..."_

~~~

He slams the bottle down in anger, nearly smashing it.

_**'Just shut the fuck up...'** _

_**'Stop fucking thinking...'** _

His fists pound away at his head. A frustrated scream leaves his mouth...

_"YOU PROMISED YOU'D NEVER FUCKING LEAVE ME!"_

He's screaming into a void.

He's breaking...

Slowly picking himself up, he stumbles into Rain's room. Looking around and seeing it empty makes him realize just how much of himself is missing. He doesn't know why he's doing this to himself. Maybe it's a fitting punishment for all his transgressions. Walking towards the crib, he sees the creases in the sheets that are still there from when she last slept in it. The blanket still thrown about. In the corner, he notices the stuffed elephant he'd given her. He picks it up, running his fingers over the soft material. He aimlessly walks out, his eyes fixated on the small toy as he sits back into his beloved chair, ready to down the rest of the scotch that awaits him.

Your voice echoes in his head once more...

~~~

"Rest your head close to my heart  
Never to part, baby of mine..."

_"She falls asleep almost instantly."_

"It's my only power."

_"No, it's not..."_

~~~

Michael can still feel the times he's rocked her to sleep on his chest, humming the same song. He remembers her scent, her little mouth wide open as she fell asleep. He'd stare at her for a while before putting her down.

He tries his hardest to keep his eyes from watering.

He brings the stuffed animal to his face and realizes it smells like her...

_"My Raindrop..."_

His heart is broken. He is broken. These are the consequences of his own actions. It's the hardest pill for him to swallow.

The tears come. Try as he might, he can't stop them, no matter how much he tries to fight it.

He cradles the elephant on his chest as if it were his daughter. Softly singing to himself...  
The grip on the neck of the near-empty bottle in his hand becomes too firm before he throws it across the room, sending pieces of shattered glass to decorate to the floor.

\------------------------

"Michael?"

Amanda walks in to the smell of alcohol filling the room. The sound of glass crunching under her feet catches her attention...

"What the fuck happened in here?"

She notices him thrown about on the bed, holding something under his arm. Figuring he's asleep, or heavily intoxicated, she hesitantly taps his shoulder to wake him up. It takes a bit, but he's finally roused when she hits him hard enough to jolt him awake. The confusion written on his face doesn't go unnoticed.

_"Amanda?"_

"Yeah, it's me. Mind telling me what the fuck is going on? Where's Y/N? Where's Rain?"

_"They're gone."_

She's worried about both of you. She's not happy about his indifference towards the situation. Not sure whether it's stress or a rush of hormones, but Amanda surprises Michael when a hearty stream of expletives leaves her mouth and directs them at him. He finds himself on a receiving end of a verbal lashing. _**'What is it with all the women in my life and constantly yelling at me?'**_

"She was right. You're a fucking asshole... A real fucking piece of work. Do you know that? Is that fucking it?! That's all you have to fucking say about your wife and child? They're gone. That's fucking it?! Laying here drinking yourself fucking stupid is really gonna help bring them back..."

Before he can even get a word in, she continues...

"I would think you'd be doing anything you could be doing to try and get her back instead of - whatever the fuck this is. She'd do anything for you, Michael."

She's met with silence...

"Maybe she's better off. You don't fucking deserve her."

Amanda's tongue is a deadly weapon and the blow is nearly fatal. She knew once the words left her lips...

Michael lets her words bleed into his ears while she gets up to make her exit. Before she gets to the door, she's startled by Michael blocking her way out...

_"I know I don't fucking deserve her."_

"I didn't mean it li-"

_"Yes you did. And you're right."_

"I saw the bruises... I saw how heartbroken she was taking that ring - that you're so desperately clinging to - off of her finger... Had I realized it might be the last time I would possibly be seeing them, I would have tried harder to reason with her or something..."

_"I fucked up. She did this because of me... And, I don't know how to fix it..."_

It's become a standstill. Neither know what else to do or say.

"She couldn't have gotten far. Not like she can leave..."

Michael knows where you are... You tread into the one part of the devil's playground where he's not allowed to play in. It didn't stop him from trying though, no matter how many times he came back empty-handed and alone. _ **'She's fucking smart, I'll give her that.'**_

"You don't think she'd actually do that, do you?"

_"No, she wouldn't. She may have done something much worse."_

"What could be worse than th-"

They're both stunned into silence by the sound of crying. A baby's cry.

"I must be hearing things..."

_"No. I heard it too."_

When they hear it again, it's accompanied by humming from a familiar voice. They can only stare at each other in a state of shock. There's no possible way for them to hear the humming as close as they are.

_"Stay here."_

"Bullshit, I'm going with you."

Amanda is as stubborn as you are sometimes. Michael's learned this the hard way. He also knows better than to argue with a pregnant woman, having learned his lesson with you.

Michael already knows where the sound is coming from. His heart feels like it's going to rip out of his body at any given moment. He can't feel you, but can at least hear you, which gives him a semblance of hope that he can bring you back to him.

Once he reaches her door, he freezes. He's afraid that it's his mind playing tricks on him and both of you are still gone.

"What are you waiting for?" She whispers.

He's quiet for a moment, lost in thought; lost in the sound of your voice that's so close, it sends a shiver down his spine. Until he finally gets the answer he was looking for.

_**'I feel her...'** _

Slowly opening the door, he's not sure what he's walking into. His emotions are their own force and clouding his judgment. For once, he's afraid, and he isn't sure how to handle it. It's not a fear for himself. It's about the unknown. It's of you... For your child.

The air in the room feels distinct. The dulcet tone of your voice eerily echos throughout the dark room.

_**"Baby mine..."** _

_"Y/N..."_

The rocking chair stops moving. You stand up quickly, startling both Michael and Amanda. They see Rain sleepily nursing in your arms. You don't look at them just yet.

"She's unharmed. Y/N wouldn't let anything happen to her..."

_**'Why couldn't I sense her before? Why now?'** _

"She's like you, she can go by undetected if she chooses to. Y/N wouldn't be able to notice it... But I can..."

_"Why are you here?"_

Michael doesn't want to push any wrong buttons, but he doesn't like that you're here, but not.

"I'm bringing your child back to you. Safe and sound."

_"And Y/N?"_

His eyes don't leave your face as you unlatch your daughter's mouth off of your breast. You gently rock her while you hand her off to Michael. He has to keep from falling apart when you touch him. Having his child back is a good start, and for the moment, it will have to do. He has to stay focused, he's determined to. Until you finally look at him and he sees crimson eyes staring into him... _**'Fuck.'**_

"Your wife is never coming back." You taunted him.

_"Amanda, take Rain, go stay with Anthony until I get back."_

"Michael, are you sure this is a g-"

 _"You need to listen and get her out of here. Now. I'll go to you."_ He tells her with a nod. She's doesn't need to be told again. Once they're gone. He makes his move.

You can feel the rage stirring inside Michael. He moves quickly, with intent... With a firm grip on your throat, you're forcibly slammed against the wall. He's unnerved by your laugh. You lick his lips when he inches close to your face...

"Do you want to play?..." You whisper.

You vanish before his eyes.

Your laugh echos throughout the room. He wonders if you were just an illusion; a figment of his imagination... Until he hears something that may prove that he's not...

**Come and find me...**

\-------------------------------

Michael follows the sound of your voice. You're leading him somewhere. He doesn't know the reason, but he's taking whatever you're giving him. It leads him to you. That's all he cares about at this moment.

**You're getting warmer...**

You're toying with him. You can feel his heart racing. The rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins with every whisper of your voice... It feels like liquid fire. It's intoxicating. _He's getting closer._ You're sitting in a pew, patiently waiting for him to find you. With a smile on your face, you bask in the reaction your body is having. _He's very close..._ You know he can smell you... You're the prize he wants.

**I can feel you...**

The empty church feels cold, even with candles lining most of the aisle, altar, pulpit, and the walls. That is until you feel the unmistakable shift in the air. Goosebumps line your skin when you feel a puff of hot breath against your ear... A voice whispering from the pew behind you triggers a response that you can feel throughout your body.

_"I found you..."_

"Hm." You smirk. "So you have."

_"Why here?"_

"You know the kinds of people that go to church. Sinners."

_"If you're here for absolution, this isn't that kind of church..."_

"... Seems appropriate to be here. You were made of sin... and Y/N? Well, she herself is a walking paradox."

You feel his hand make its way to the back of your neck. He's wanting access. You already know his angle, know his game. _I'm not making this that easy..._

You catch him off guard when you transmutate away from him.

"Over here..." You drawl playfully. Sitting upon the steps leading to the altar. "I can play these games too, Michael. I'm not defenseless like your poor wife is."

Michael doesn't move yet. _His thoughts are all over the place now. Interesting..._ When he suddenly appears directly in front of you, you can't help but smile. He seems surprised when he looks at your face.

_"Where did he go?"_

"He has some important business to attend to. She's being taken care of. So it's just you..." Running your fingers along his jawline, he hastily leans to your touch. Michael wants to pull away, you can feel it, but he doesn't all the same. "...and I." You whisper.

His eyes instantly darken. You can feel the shift in him. It was almost unexpected. Almost.

_"You aren't her. I want my fucking wife back."_

"Someone's got their panties in a bunch. She left because of you. Or did you forget?"

_**'I'm reminded every fucking day.'** _

He doesn't see the person he fell in love with when he looks at you. This person in front of him is merely a vessel. A simulacrum; a cheap substitute. The voice is yours, yet his name doesn't sound the same coming off the tongue.

"You know... Technically, you still have your wife. This is still her body. I'm just the part of her that's unabashed, confident. Everything she could have been had she not been so fucked up. With me, you can let go of all your inhibitions, and you get a wife who won't recoil because you touched her without warning."

You notice his breath hitch. Whether it was with anticipation or hesitation, you weren't quite sure.

"You're thinking about it, aren't you? I know you are. It doesn't make you a horrible husband for wanting things easier. For enjoying the look of bruises marring her skin when you get rough while you fuck her. For wanting to do things that you can't because of her "limits" which leave you feeling deprived. I feel how tired you are of holding back."

_"You don't know shit."_

He's hit with a startling wave of guilt. It's not every day that he feels it. He typically doesn't feel anything. But it's you. It's always you. He feels like shit for feeling some truth behind those words. For having those same sentiments. It's not your fault. He knows that. _**'I'm such a scumbag.'**_

"Really?" You quip. "Has she ever let you fuck her in the ass?"

Michael stands up and takes a few steps back to make some distance between you two. You're goading him. He knows this. He's just trying to buy himself time... Keep you talking... Hoping you'll slip and give him something he can go on.

"Does it bother you knowing that she's let five other guys do it and yet, you've been wanting to forever and she won't even consider letting you try?"

_"She didn't let them. Not by choice anyway."_

"You can admit it bothers you. I won't tell." You get up and make your way towards him, closing the gap he's made between your bodies. Cupping his face in your hands, he reluctantly softens to your touch. A whisper against his lips is one he never thought he'd hear from your mouth. "I'll let you do anything you want to me."

Michael clutches your wrists and harshly shoves you away from him.

 _"I'm sorry."_ He whispers contritely.

"Why are you apologizing? You had no problems using her like a whore when you found out your father had a go at her."

_"What?"_

"Using sex as a weapon, as retribution. Because after all, punishment is needed to cleanse the sin, right? All things considered, that's a pretty bold fucking move. She doesn't even know that she fucked your father. She knows nothing about why you treated her the way that you did. Long story short, she just assumes you came to regret every choice you made and well, here we are."

The anger is evident in his face.

"Admit it."

_"Admit what?"_

"That you enjoyed hurting her. That you felt something surge through you when you started to unravel."

His shoulders heaved as he panted. He couldn't breathe. He shouldn't feel like this. You got into his head. You're his wife. The mother of his child. But he can't deny what you're saying isn't true. He got off on the pain he inflicted on you. Physically, emotionally, mentally. He was fully aware of what he was doing. He liked watching you suffer, even if you didn't deserve it.

_"...I'm a fucking monster."_

"We all have monsters that dwell within us. They like to stir occasionally... Reminding us of their presence, of their danger... Of their poison. They can only lie dormant for so long before something awakens them."

_**'And I've created a monster capable of my own destruction.'** _

_"Like I did to her..."_

"She wasn't exactly a saint. She had her own demons. Her own beast."

_"And she let me awaken it. Feed it..."_

"You freed her."

Michael laughs. _"Freed? I served her a death sentence."_ You can feel his emotions building up around you. You felt it in your bones.

"I can make all this pain go away, Michael."

His name on your tongue grates upon every one of his nerves. The anger that radiates from him is exquisite. You know he's ready to break.

"You can't save her. Her soul belongs to your father. It's pointless. You're not getting her back."

Something clicks. He got what he's waiting for... His lip curls into a smirk as his eyes darken once more. He has to keep his mind clear to focus on you...

He quickly closes the gap between you two. His lips claim yours. There's a voracious desire to it. You seize the opportunity to grab hold of the knife you knew he had hidden on him. He doesn't attempt to stop you. His greedy mouth barely parts away from yours to leave you enough room to breathe. Heavy panting softens into a whisper...

_"Save me."_

Pleading eyes look into your own.

"What?"

_"Save me..."_

It's a challenge.

 _"Be my salvation..."_ dropping to his knees, he lets you run the blade gently across his throat. You can feel him gulp as the blade is pressed against his skin.

_"Wash me clean. Strengthen me..."_

A threat.

His fingers running up your thigh catch you off guard. You don't notice the black empty eyes staring up at you at first. His low, gravelly, penetrating tone echos around you...

_"Make me holy..."_

A vow.

You lower the edge away from his jugular and drop down to your knees. When you feel his hand lightly touch your face, something ignites in you. Your veins feel like live wires. The taste of ash and smoke coat your mouth. Your nose is filled with a scent you haven't smelled in years. _Roses._

"Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?"

Your hand works faster than your brain can register. His choked gasps reverberates throughout. You feel something unusual inside of you when his blood starts to flow.

He looks at you a final time and laughs. He knows. _**'She feels it too.'**_

This caused you to erupt into a paroxysm of rage. It claws at your insides. Something battling to be freed. Your body trembles as it tries to control it.

It feels like a raging storm when it goes free...

Then the warm feel of blood trickles over your lips...

\----------------------------

_**"Another drink?"** _

Passing the time now consists of a lot of alcohol on your part. With nothing else to do, it seems like a good way to try and forget everything. In the middle of yet another chess game, you two had raised the stakes with adding in liquor.

"Pour it."

_**"I like you like this."** _

The burn has become less and less. You've become accustomed to it. Sitting there gulping down copious amounts of scotch is how you make yourself feel less. It didn't improve your game for shit, but you didn't care. You lost more than you won. _Everyone loses when they play the devil... Especially one with a silver-tongue and a dangerous smile._

You feel strange all of a sudden...

_**"Something the matter?"** _

"Um no. I'm fine. Probably just all the booze."

_**"Stand up."** _

He offered you his hand and immediately saw your reluctance. Until now he's refrained from trying to touch you. The uncertainty you feel can be felt in the air. It took a bit, but you shakily accepted after a few moments. When he helps you to your feet, you're thrown off by what he asks next...

_**"Dance with me?"** _

"What?"

_**"You seem like you could use a pick me up... All in good fun, of course. May I?"** _

His arm curls around your waist, pulling you towards him. His hand is hot to the touch against your own. He starts to sway you slowly. Then everything feels different. You're lightheaded. _What's happening to me?_ He leans in closer and his scent starts to encircle you. He smells different than Michael does. Of smoke, whiskey, and spice. _Unique combo._ But dangerously inviting, you've come to realize. Slowly whirled. Slowly swung. You're losing control as the alcohol is affecting you more than you anticipated.

_"You're so beautiful like this."_

The voice causes your eyes to snap open in shock. Pushing yourself away, you gather a moment to catch your breath.

_**"Is everything all right?"** _

Looking around, it's still just the two of you.

_When did we leave the room?_

The dress you're wearing is different from what you had on moments ago.

_What the fuck is this?_

_**"Dare I say, white suits you."** _

Your mind can barely process what's happening. Figuring it's the alcohol haze, you extend your thanks and attempt to leave.

"This was great. I'm not feeling so well. I, uh, need to go lie down."

_**"Just lie here and unwind... I'm sure you'll feel better once you've rested for a bit."** _

"I'll be fine, really. Thank you."

_**"Stop being so stubborn."** _

Making your way towards the door, your brain grapples with the thoughts that are looming in your head. Before you can open it, you feel something; someone close behind you. _Breathe, just breathe._ Anxiety comes in when you feel fingertips grazing your arm.

_"I missed you."_

_Michael._ It's all a lie. You know this.

"This isn't real."

_**"I promise you, this is very much real."** _

You breathe deeply. _Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michael's vows quoted Bukowski. It seemed like he would like a cynical fuck like him haha. And there's a Batman quote in here too, Dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight, which I have to thank paperwalls for reminding of it when I told her of the literal dancing with the devil. I knew I had to throw it in somewhere.


	17. Wait A Million Years Pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the end. Things happen... As usual, it's always a ride with these two. Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's commented, followed and read this trashfire of mine. I appreciate it. It's a mess, but it's my mess.

_Breathe. Just breathe..._

"Why are you doing this? Torturing me?"

_**"I'm doing no such thing. You're projecting your desires."** _

You can barely turn yourself around with the close proximity he's keeping. His scent is dizzying. Inviting. Your resolve is cracking. At any moment, it's sure to shatter.

"Why did you bring me here? What do you want from me?"

_**"For someone who notices so much, you see very little. All eyes, no sight."** _

The words don't register at first. It was blatantly clear and you were just too blind, or stupid, to see it. The way that he looks at you as if you're the only thing that matters... It feels dirty. Wrong. It also makes you wonder if Michael ever looked at you as amorously as his father did in this moment. _What the fuck is happening?_

_**"At first, I saw all of this as nothing more than a game. I saw; I felt how much Michael loved you. His fascination with you astounded me. Then I felt you. Your darkest desires. Your dirty little secrets. I understood."** _

"Understood what? That I'm fucked up? Cause that's all there is to know about me. I'm nothing special. Never was. A lost puppy your son stumbled upon and rescued because he pitied me. Guess it was just my lucky day. Just a pawn on the board, being played between you two. And look at that... I was captured. Congratulations, you won."

His fingers lightly graze your face, causing your body to go into a frenzy. _Stop._

_**"You're exceptional. It corrupted you differently. It's a shame he no longer wanted you."** _

The words cut deep. A slap in the face you didn't expect. The fact that you were here showed how much of an idiot you were, for being in love with someone who had no problem throwing you away like trash... You made an irrevocable decision for someone who probably wouldn't even spit in your direction. Every time you think your wounds are beginning to heal, he mentions him, and they're reopened once more... It's a cruel joke, but your entire existence had been nothing but one. Why would this be any different?

 _ **"I can make the ache go away..."** _he whispers into your skin.

Your body is craving his touch. You're disgusted with yourself. He feels it. The loneliness, the desperation, the hunger... Before you know it, you're letting him slip off your dress and it's now lying in a pooled mess on the floor at your feet. Your body is burning hot. He circles you, admiring the sight before him. Closing your eyes, you're vaguely aware of his proximity. Fingertips trail down your spine, causing you to shiver. Still feeling the warmth of his skin even when he no longer touches you. His lips replace them, trailing upwards slowly, until everything unexpectedly stops...

When you open your eyes, you're taken aback by him right in front of you. He looks almost flustered. It seems like an impossibility, but nothing made sense anymore.

_**"You burn me..."** _

The irony in his words resonates deep down inside.

Nothing could have prepared you for what's to come. The way he slowly pulls you close to him, the way his lips feel... There was no coming back from this. It's uninhibited and rapacious. It gives a high that can't be measured. But also a guilt that sends you crashing back down almost faster than Icarus plummeting to his watery death.

"I can't do this... I'm sorry."

_"I thought this is what you wanted."_

You froze. This is all part of the game. You know it is. Yet you can't help but take the bait, every single time. You want to breathe him in. Feel his touch. Taste the salt in his skin on your tongue. _I want you to be real. You have to be. I need you to be. I need you..._

"You aren't Michael."

_**"He. Didn't. Want. You. You have to accept it."** _

Poison resides in his mouth. Everyone word slowly seeps in and painfully destroys you.

_Keep it together._

"I do accept it. But that doesn't make me yours. I'm your captive. Nothing more. None of this is real... None of it. I'm not like any of you. This isn't me. This can't be happening. What the fuck is happening to me?!"

Repeating nonsense over and over seems like a good tactic. Lying to yourself is all you can do to cope. Nothing is as it seems. Everything stopped being completely logical.

_**"You need to own your truth. Admit that you find comfort in it... In the monsters inside your head. In the darkness that envelops you like a second skin. It's what you seek."** _

His words ring true. You sought this. Michael brought this out of you. All you have wanted to do was taste his sins. Once you did, you couldn't get enough.

_**"I am willing to give you everything you desire. That's not an offer given to just anyone."** _

"But why me? Say it. Out loud."

He takes this as a challenge. Bringing his face close to yours, his mouth curls into a smile. Everything feels strange. You melt into him without meaning to. There's an internal war raging on inside your head, one that he seems to be playing both sides of now somehow. It feels as though everything is shifting. He holds you to him for a moment and then gently places you down. You realize you've been placed on your back... _What the fuck just happened?_ The sheets under you feel cool, which comes as a surprise.

Panic sets in when he makes his way on top of you. Secretly thankful in the that moment you still had panties on. When he leans down close, your body, the ever betraying bitch she is, is strongly responding to his touch. _This shouldn't be happening._ His hot breath against your ear causes a chain reaction... His fingertips graced your lips, then slowly started to descend to your neck...

_"I am he who nobody loves..."_

_**"I am the enemy of heaven..."** _

_"I am the evil of nature..."_

Then between the valley of your breast...

_**"And yet,"** _

_"here I am,"_

_**"willing to worship you,"** _

_"like a slave,"_

_**"at your feet."** _

Torturously slow, he reaches lower...

_"All you have to give me..."_

_**"Is your word..."** _

_"Say you belong..."_

_**"To me."** _

Stopping once he reaches the lace hem of your panties. _Stop. Stop._

"Stop."

He's coined many nomenclatures throughout his time. "Father of Lies" is the first that comes to mind. You're more than certain everything he's saying is utter fucking bullshit. He's a perfidious, untrustworthy being. Yet he lured you into his web. He caught his prey without much effort. And you can't break free. And you feel guilty that there's a part of you that didn't want to. Because it felt good to feel wanted again. To have someone look at you the way he did. The tears that come can't be stopped. Because deep down, you still long for someone else entirely.

_"Don't be afraid."_

His fingers trail back up. You feel your tears being wiped away not a moment later...

_**"All you have to do..."** _

_"Is give in..."_

"Stop. Stop it." The emphatic tone doesn't go unnoticed. "You want me? No more fucking games."

_**"Say the words."** _

_I can't..._

The weight of his body on yours is much more noticeable now. The heat emitting off of him is inviting in all the wrong ways. You shouldn't want this. Your mind and body are fighting with each other and you feel like you have no control over either one anymore.

He gently grabs hold of your face to look at him. You can't look away no matter how hard you try. When his mouth is so close to yours that you are breathing him in, you become dizzy. His lips touching yours make your body come alive. _What the fuck is happening to me?_

_**"Say it. Give in to me..."** _

The smell of iron suddenly fills your nose. Something feels strange inside of you. Thinking it's just your mind playing tricks on you, you ignore it at first. Until your fingertips start to tingle... and feel something warm start to flow down the sides of your face.

_Blood..._

_**"It's alright my love. I can fix that... Just. Say. The. Words."** _

_Why is this happening?_

_**'She feels me too'** _

It was then that you felt him.

_Michael..._

You hold back the tears.

_**"...Well?"** _

With a ragged breath, you look him in the eyes, lightly graze his face with your hands and whisper words that he doesn't want to hear, but you're going to make sure he hears them. Knows them. That they vibrate on his skin and bones.

"You'll never have me..."

\------------------------

_What the fuck happened?_

It's dark except for a few lit candles illuminating parts of the room. Your head is throbbing. Your fingers feel strange like static is rippling through them. Almost as if they burn. The surroundings are familiar to you. _The church. Why am I here?_ The blood dripping down your face catches your attention. Until you see the blood staining other parts of you... Assessing yourself for wounds, you find none.

_This isn't mine..._

Panic arises. Your first thought is something happened to Rain. Then an even bigger fear sets in. That you did something to cause her harm. _Where is she?_ Making your way to your wobbly feet, you slowly make your way down the nave. Your racing mind was stuck solely on finding her. The thoughts were abruptly silenced when you find the likely source of the other blood spilled on your hands.

_Fuck._

Crouching down beside him, you feel that his heart isn't beating. The tears are starting to well up in your eyes. You know he should be coming to soon. You decide to lay beside him and wait. Worry starts to set in when it's been a while and he's still out. _This isn't supposed to be happening_. Gliding your fingers through his, you notice something strange. _He's still wearing his ring. Since when is he so sentimental? Unless the bastard remarried already..._ In his hand, he had something he was still holding... You recognize it as soon as you pick it up.

_My ring... Why would he have this?_

It seemed odd that he had it. Last time you saw it, you'd given it to Amanda with strict instructions that it'd eventually be given to Rain. It was the only materialistic thing you cared about, as strange as that sounds. You wanted her to have something of yours.

_"I've been holding on to it since you left."_

Hearing his voice again made you jump out of your skin. It would have knocked you on your ass had you not already been on it. You promptly get yourself up, dropping the ring somewhere in the process. You keep your distance from Michael...

"D-did I do this to you?"

He doesn't answer you, which you expected given how things were left off between you two. Only silence follows as he situates himself and walks off.

You can't see him, but he's still somewhere in one of the darkened corners of the church. His steps are echoing around the stilled room.

_"You left."_

_What?_

_"You said you wouldn't. But you did. You left me."_

"I did what I had to do. For our daughter. For you... If you're too fucking stupid to see that, than I don't know what to tell you."

It becomes quiet. You wait. To see if he will say something, anything. There's no reaction. Of course. _Why would there be?_ You decide to leave to go find your daughter.

Michael frightens you. Aimlessly walking, he must have been there and you not paying any mind, walked right into him. The bastard probably did that on purpose.

_"Amanda has her."_

"Um, thanks."

 _"Here."_ He extends his hand out, holding your lost ring.

"Why are you giving it to me?"

_"Because it's yours. You're still my wife."_

The words weren't the ones you wanted to hear and you felt selfish for it. They felt like an obligation. You wanted to hear that it was because at the very least he fucking loved you. He didn't even seem like he missed you. _Why bother then? What's the fucking_ _point?_ It breaks your heart but you decide to walk away instead. This in turn upsets him. The walls around you are taking the brunt of his inner turmoil.

_"Why do you alone get to decide this?"_

"You fucking decided this. You walked out on us first... Then you have the fucking audacity to ask why I left? You have a set of brass balls, I'll give you that..."

_"You fucking promised me..."_

"And you told me you loved me, so I guess we're both liars. I did what I did for you. You'd never do the same for me." Your breaking point had been reached. It pricks at your skin, flushes your cheeks and stings your eyes when they start to water. "Cause this will never stop. He's never gonna stop. I did what I could... So you know what? FUCK YOU!"

The emotion behind it stuns him. Everything you've had bottled up for what feels like an eternity wants to break free and punch him in the dick. You're too mentally and emotionally exhausted for anything other than a few tears to escape your eyes. He's waiting for what you say next to either mend him or destroy him.

He tentatively steps towards you and is surprised when he hears the one word he's not used to hearing. _No._

Giving yourself a moment to gather your thoughts and the tears to stop flowing, Michael is staring at you with a burning intensity.

"You and I were drowning, Michael. We didn't know how to save each other, but we would at least try. I thought we understood each other..."

_"We do understand each other. You and I both know what it's like to feel like you've spent your entire fucking life drowning. Then you have this brief moment of clarity that dawns on you, that you can swim... but mostly you're still drowning. We recognize this. Understand it, an-"_

"We're still drowning." Your words feel like an anchor pulling you both down.

_"Then we drown together."_

This shouldn't bring you comfort. Any normal person would run. They would slap themselves and wonder if they were fucking crazy. Yet it does. The calm in his voice. The assurance of his words. In any other context, they'd be toxic, unhealthy. But they were the ones that you desperately needed to hear. You needed to know that if it came down to it, Michael would sink right along with you. You hope it'll never come to that, but the thought of having him by your side through it all? That's what you need.

Michael wants to touch you again. He's been slowly inching his way towards you. Maybe he thought you wouldn't notice.

"Do you think you can ever love me again?"

That stops him. _**'Is she fucking serious?'**_

Unsure of what made you blurt that out, you stood there amazed at your own absurdity. _I shouldn't have asked that._ The look he's giving you is one of bewilderment. He wants to laugh. Until he realizes that it was a serious question.

"I'm sorry. That's not a fair question to ask." You quickly change the subject to avoid opening up any more wounds you weren't ready to deal with at the moment. "I'll get Rain. I've missed her." You both stood there, awkwardly, for a moment before you turned around and made your way out.

You're startled, but not surprised, when you reach the vestibule and Michael is there. The stone cold look on his face is setting off an internal alarm. You know something is up...

_"Ask me that stupid fucking question again."_

You don't answer him, which seems to make him angrier. Why?

_"Ask. Me. Again."_

"Do you think you can ever love me again?" You whisper.

A bitter laugh escapes Michael's mouth. It made your stomach drop. You didn't want to hear the possible damning words that may follow. But with him, nothing is ever certain. He loved you. Then he didn't. You have no clue what's going to come rolling off of his tongue.

_"What the fuck is wrong with you?"_

"I'm not dealing with this right now."

 _"Yes, you are."_ His voice roared in the enclosed space. It was unexpected. It frightened you.

_"You're asking if I could love you again? You? The person whom I married. The mother of my child. Who's sacrificed everything she has for me... That I've been a horrible fucking husband to? And you're asking me? I should be on my knees, begging for your forgiveness... Worshipping the very ground you walk on. You should make me suffer. I deserve that and so much more. I don't deserve you. I know that too. But you love me, and so long as you still do, I'm not letting you go. I can't lose you. Without you, I'm nothing. So, to answer your question... Who the fuck said I ever stopped?"_

That did it.

It wouldn't fix everything. You knew this.

You also knew that just because things seem hopeful now, that they could easily be shattered later. You knew all too well. That scared you more than anything.

\-----------------------

_"She's asleep."_

The words barely made sense to you. You weren't fully cognizant at the moment. Michael left you alone in the bedroom to put the baby down and he came back to find you still in the same spot he left you. Completely unmoved. He carefully approaches you and softly caresses your face. It breaks you out of your cognitive haze.

_"Let's get clea-"_

"Lay with me? Just for a bit?" It comes out more of a whimper than you realize. He only nods before undressing both of you, discarding the bloodied clothing on the floor, not caring at the moment about the mess either of you is. All you can think of is how much the bed smells like him. Something so minor and trivial is what sticks with you. _I missed him_. A deep yearning tugs at the confines of your soul. Something feels as though it's missing. Every time you do this, you sacrifice another piece of yourself. The edges are still there, but the center has been slowly picked away. Like a puzzle missing its pieces. What's a puzzle without all the pieces to see the whole picture clearly? It'll always look and feel incomplete. You'll never be whole again. You haven't been for so long, but now? Now's when your eyes are open to the reality of it. The bandaid had been ripped off for good. You're finally breathing though every intake feels heavier than the last. It's supposed to get easier, not harder...

There are many questions mulling over in Michael's mind, but he knows tonight's not the night to ask them. There may never be a right time to do so. Tonight isn't for faults or guilt.

When your bodies are settled, he can't ignore your trembling. Or the soft sniffling you try to hide. He only holds you closer in response.

Sleep comes quicker than either of you expect.

It seems to be all you do as of late as well....

\------------------------------

You're slipping in and out of consciousness. Aware of a lingering presence next to you. The familiar feel of warm fingertips drawing patterns in your palm finally wakes you from your resting state.

_"Hi."_

"Hi."

_"How do you feel?"_

"Exhausted."

You wonder how long he had laid with you; waiting. Time is a concept that is no longer important. At least for certain things. At least to you... All that matters is this - him and your child sleeping between you at the moment.

"How long have you been awake?"

_"A while."_

"I feel like all I do is sleep."

_"You're still getting acclimated. It's ok to give yourself time."_

Rain, the tiny traitor she is, is curled up against her father. Her arm is draped across this chest as he lazily strokes her hand. A habit he's had since he first held her.

_"She missed you."_

_I did too._

"She doesn't seem to be missing me that much."

You take notice of how she's nuzzled up and drooling on her father.

_"I'm warm. And besides, I don't lactate, you'll always be way more important to her than I'll be."_

"Just until she weans."

_"That's not true. You know that."_

The dreaded word vomit comes spewing again. You're never this open, or vocal.

"Does it bother you that she'll be our only child?"

_"Why would it bother me?"_

He looks to you and sees that you won't meet his stare. Times like this, you wonder if he takes it upon himself to just peek into your mind. Or if he gives you the courtesy of letting you speak first.

"I mean... What happens if you want more kids?"

He reaches over and tucks strands of your hair away from your face. The gesture catches you off guard.

_"You gave me a daughter. She's perfect. Where is this coming from?"_

"I'm just wondering when it will stop being enough."

_"For you?"_

"No. For you."

There's many things you wish you would have left unsaid. Right now, this is one of them. _Me and my stupid fucking mouth._

_"It's more than enough."_

"For now. What if you do decide you want another? I can't give you that. There's a lot of things I can't give you. I always worry that'll it'll never be enough... That I'm not enough for you."

He stays quiet for a bit.

_"You're enough to bring a fucking God to his knees."_

\------------------------------

Days come and go. The nights are where dark secrets are lingering. Truths are waiting to be spilled. Another night you wake up alone. His side of the bed feels cold, much like it always does lately. He's there, always watching. Your very own night stalker. His own thoughts are too loud to let him rest. Tonight, yours are playing the same game. He no longer approaches you, rather he sits and waits. Waits until you need him. Until you've fully forgiven him for his fuck-ups. Until he can look you in the face again and not feel guilt, or disgust with himself. It's a burden you both carry, but for different reasons. It weighs heavily on your heart, knowing the day will come that you will have to break both of yours.

Most nights you leave him be, lie quietly with your own thoughts, attempting to make sense of your world again. You aren't sure if he's burying himself in hidden parts of your mind that only he will know about, because he will never tell you. How would you know anyway? Then you figure if he knew the things you've kept bottled up, you wouldn't be here. This is the song and dance you two play. Reticent is what he always called you. You share nothing. Even when he knows everything about you, your guard is always up.

Tonight would be different. Maybe you couldn't fight the pull anymore. His eyes carefully watch your every move. Slowly traipsing your way over, you sit on the floor, between his legs at his feet. He doesn't question it, doesn't move. Just lets you rest your head against his knee, and says nothing. This is what you need of him, so this what he'll give you.

His name falls from your mouth in a loud whisper.

He answers in the form of his fingers stroking your face, then moves to your hair to let you know he's listening...

"I need you to tell me I'm a good person. I know that I'm broken... I'm self destructive and I've done a lot of fucked up stuff but that deep down, I'm good person. I just- I need you to tell me that..."

He continues to play with your hair. The scrape of his fingers feel soothing against your scalp.

"Please. Michael, please. Tell me that I'm good..."

The crack in your voice as you're seeking his validation breaks him. He leans forward and kisses the top of your head. That's all he can give you.

The words never come. He can't say it because it would be a lie.

You sit in silence.  Listening to his breathing is comforting.

"Can you do something for me then?"

_"Hm?"_

You get up and slowly straddle him. His hands pull you close.

"Fuck me as hard as I hate myself..."

His breathe hitches as you whisper..

"No limits.  Do whatever you want."

There was no reservations or cautionary restraint.  It's harrowing and raw when he's wiping your tears away...   

\------------------------------

Things had slowly shifted back into normal again.

Almost.

Everytime you look at Michael, you felt the burden of the guilt you'd been carrying. You feel dirty. Used. You know that Michael won't be able to look at you the same way again. Your marriage will be over, that much you're sure of.

_This is gonna kill him._

You attempt to play out every possible scenario in your head. Hoping to have a plan for every outcome. They all come to the same conclusion.

_This will be the thing that gets me killed._

Sitting by the fire while Michael has been getting Rain down to sleep, you've been mentally preparing your speech. There's no good way to start what you need to say. "I almost fucked your father, please forgive me" just doesn't sound great in any context and no apology will make it any better.

_I just hope he lets me say goodbye to Rain before he decides to send me to hell for good._

You feel a knot in your stomach.

Then fingertips brush against your shoulder. It made you jump.

"Fucking Christ."

_"Still gets you every time."_

"Funny."

The somber tone didn't go unnoticed. Before he could even open his mouth, you cut right to the chase so you wouldn't chicken out. You needed to do this. For your own well being. You didn't want to hurt him. It was the last thing you wanted to do. But you needed to stop hurting.

"There's something I need to tell you."

Everything is laid out. Every last detail is told. The guilt you felt is replaced by a new one once the last words are said and Michael hadn't uttered a single word. Just sat with his jaw clenched tight. His eyes hadn't left your face. He was completely unmoved. His breathing is all that's heard for a bit. For the first time in a very long time, you see him for the terrifying man he is. The tension in the air is thick. You feel him all around you.

"I'm sorry."

That's all you could say. You're met with silence, which you expected at this point.

When you stand, he suddenly gets up with you. Your heart starts to race in your chest.

_"No, I'm sorry."_

You can't read him.

_"I'm sorry, that I took a whore as a wife."_

You knew what you did would destroy him. He'd make sure you were broken too...

You knew you deserved it. It still hurt to hear it.

"I'll sleep in Rain's room tonight. We'll be gone in the morning."

Once you made it out of your bedroom, you hear glass shatter and then Michael scream. You debated on turning back, but ultimately choose to ignore it. He said what he said. You know he meant it. You're too busy fighting back tears until you get to Rain's room.

She's peacefully sleeping. Completely unaware of the mess her parents are. She shouldn't have to deal with the consequences of yours and Michael's shitty actions.

You didn't want this for her.

_I'm sorry Mommy fucked everything up..._

\------------------------------

Amanda has noticeably popped since you've last seen her. It's been a long time since you two have spent time together. Longer than you'd like. You missed it. You missed her.

"How are you feeling?"

"This fucking alien likes kicking my ass. I suddenly feel bad for making fun of you all those times I did."

"Karmic retribution."

She gives you the finger. You give her a smirk in response. You're both ignoring the elephant in the room... That you're living in your old room again. You and Rain have been for weeks now. She's noticed how you haven't mentioned Michael's name. She's not sure what to say.

"So, how are things with you?"

"Good. Rain's fine... Getting big."

"How are you, really? You don't have to bullshit with me, you know..."

You did know. But it's still a fresh wound. And you know all too well that wounds don't heal if you keep picking at the scabs. _It's best to leave it be..._

"I'm fine."

She's looking at you strangely. She hesistantly mentions Michael, though not by name...

"I saw him. He's been on a tirade lately."

"It's not my business anymore. Not my problem."

Your replies were curt. She took this as her cue to drop the matter.

"So, we found out what we're having. Kid finally stopped being a stubborn shit and let us peek..."

Her face lit up as she told you. Her smile was contagious. You allowed yourself a moment to smile for the first time in a while.

The change in subject was welcoming. You were very happy for her. Rain would have a friend to grow up with. You won't have to go through motherhood alone.

When she left, you felt the silence surround you. It hits different here than you remembered. Even with Rain around, it feels like a void encompasses you.

You decide a shower is a good idea, seeing as she's fast asleep. It's the only time you allow yourself to let out everything you've held in. _No one will see me be vulnerable again_. Your fingers trace over all the scars you've acquired over the years. You look over the newest, faint one that decorates your arm. Michael told you that you had done it to yourself, but never told you why. You had no memory of it. Every other one has a memory attached to it. This particular battle wound makes you cry. It reminds you that the war had been for nothing.

\-----------------------------‐-

"Eyes."

You take Rain's hands and guide them to her face, to find her eyes.

"Those are Raindrops eyes."

_You have your fathers eyes._

She then proceeds to smack your face and smiles.

"Ok. Nose."

Repeating the same actions, you point to her nose.

"That's Raindrops nose." _Also your fathers..._

She then thinks it's funny to jump on you.

"It's a good thing we're on the bed, kid."

She stops suddenly and her head sharply shoots to look behind her. As if she's looking at someone.

"What is it, huh?"

The scent caught in your nose. She knew before you did. You quickly grab her and sit up. You felt odd. You weren't sure what to feel. When moments passed and nothing happened, you felt relief. And maybe a bit disappointed. Though you'd never admit it. _No more open wounds._

"There's nothing there. Come on, time to lie down."

You stay there awake long after she was asleep. You can't shake the feeling you have lingering inside. She felt something. _Or someone._

Quietly slipping out of bed, you give a quick glance from the doorway before turning out to your living room. You light a few candles, pour yourself a drink and sit in the dead silence that awaits. By the third glass, you still weren't feeling anything, thanks to your new high tolerance. Then you started to question it when the room felt warm. _I can't be drunk already._ His scent pervaded the air. There was no escaping it. _Fuck._

You kept your voice just above a whisper, not to wake your child.

"I can't see you, but I know you're here, Michael. What do you want?"

Goosebumps line your skin. You can feel he's gotten closer, though you won't look around to see where he is.

_"She's gotten big."_

"She has."

He's on the opposite end of the couch from you. You do the courteous thing and be civil.

"Drink?"

He says nothing, just takes a swig straight from the bottle.

_"Thank you."_

You both sat there. Not saying a word. Neither of you would even look in the other's direction. _This isn't strange at all..._

"You never answered me. Why are you here?"

You can hear him gulping down alcohol... Then a deep sigh leaves his mouth...

_"I miss her."_

_**'I miss you.'** _

Mindlessly fucking around with the almost empty glass in your hand, your reply took longer than meaning to. You could feel he was tense.

"You could have seen her any time you wanted. I wasn't keeping her from you, you know."

That seem to relax him. You finally get the courage to look at him. Because you needed to learn to be around him as a normal person again. There's a child involved. You both needed to swallow your pride, for her sake.

"She doesn't need to see us being fucking assholes to each other. It's not her fault. She didn't ask for any of this. We'll always be Mommy and Daddy to her. You need to be in her life."

He's not speaking. _Why bother coming here just to sit in silence?_ You continue with a plan that would work for both of you. If he won't talk, you'll just have to do the work yourself.

"So, I figure, we can make this easy. I'm sure Amanda and Anthony wouldn't mind just switching her off between us. It only takes a few minutes. We wouldn't even have to cross paths."

_I know it's me you're avoiding..._

He finally opens his mouth, and what comes out is not what you were expecting at all.

_"We're still married..."_

You know where this is heading. Although you knew it was a long time coming, you still weren't prepared for it. Then you realized, that's probably why he's here tonight. Emotions you hadn't admitted you were holding onto, were bubbling under the surface. Keep it together.

"I'm assuming you're here to start the divorce process." You became irrationally angry. "Just give me the papers and you can leave."

_"That's not why I'm here."_

"Then maybe tell me why the fuck you are? She's sleeping, so it's not like you need to be here right now."

_"You're still a fucking pain in my ass, you know that? Just fucking listen..."_

_What could he possibly have to say that hasn't been said?_

_"Do you want a divorce?"_

"I want what you want."

You answered quickly in hopes he'd give you the answer right away, so he can leave you to process what's to come once he says those words... It didn't have the effect you were hoping for.

_"That's not what I asked."_

"I want whatever will make you happy. If that means divorce, then that's what we'll do."

You're fighting back tears. This feels like it came completely out of left field. It didn't really, but being faced with the harsh reality is putting everything into perspective. _Maybe I still cared more than I thought._ Which meant the process will hurt only more. You put it out of your mind for so long. Now, you weren't prepared to deal with it. In the end, you'd have no choice.

He comes closer to you. You want to scream at him. _This is easier when you aren't so close..._

_"That's not what I want."_

The tears that had come were ones of relief. You quietly wiped them away, keeping your sniffling to a minimum. You didn't want him to see you like this if you could help it. You know better than anyone that happily ever after is bullshit. That's not how things work. Especially when it came to Michael. Everything between you was chaos and strife.

 _"You don't either."_ He stated matter of factly.

"But I can't do this anymore either."

Now he's the one caught off guard...

_"Do what?"_

"This. The back and forth. You punishing me for things I have no control over. Walking out of your daughter's life when you feel like I've slighted you in some way. You come crawling back, apologizing, yet nothing changes. As soon as something goes wrong, you're off blaming me, because _'You're a cheap fucking whore who needs love and validation by anyone who's willing to give it. A few empty promises and you're on your back aching to have any of your fuckholes stuffed and filled.'_

You were paraphrasing. But the hurt tone in your voice was known. And felt. Those were the last words he said to you prior to now.

"I just-I can't live like that... Knowing that's what you think of me. That you'll always throw my past in my face, and make me feel guilty over it. It scares me that you have no problems abandoning us. It's like you always have one foot out the door at all times. It seems as though we're expendable to you too."

You were hurting. To Michael, it meant something more. Bitter words bled into hope. _ **'She wouldn't feel like this if she didn't give a fuck...'**_

_"We both have too much pride, and it's our fucking downfall..."_

Michael knows his hubris is unlike any other. He never accounted for yours to be the same. You'll swallow him down whole, thorns and all. Never so much as utter his name. It'll never settle on your tongue. Or be a whisper on your lips. He knows this. It cuts him down knowing that you'd never falter as he would. Like he has. You'll look past him as if he's nothing, a distant memory that doesn't deserve a narrative in your story. This is where the reality sets in that you've broken him.

_"We have to stop doing this to each other."_

That was something you could agree on...

His hand grazes against yours. You see he offers it open, palm up. He's waiting for you to accept... He hasn't done this in a long time. You let your fingers glide over his. Then start tracing patterns in his open hand.

This went on for a while. His eyes were watching you. There was no mistaking the feeling.

_"Do you love me?"_

"You know I do."

He wants to hear the words. Though, he knows he doesn't deserve them. Deep down, it bothers him how he doesn't even need one hand to count all the times you've said it.

_**'It would be nice to hear it sometimes...'** _

\------------------------

_"Ok, let's try this again..."_

Michael has been trying for over an hour to get Rain to talk but to no avail. She likes vocalizing the same sounds. At most, she spits and blows raspberries in his face.

_"This isn't working out the way I planned."_

She's not old enough to understand what's she's saying, but he knew you still felt slighted that she said "dada" first. You insisted he had something to do with it. He's been trying to prove otherwise that he didn't.

_"Mama. Rain, look at daddy, say mama."_

He points to his mouth to show her how to enunciate the word. Then moves her bottom lip for her to emulate. She has no interest. Sitting on his lap, she chews on her fingers and starts babbling incoherently as drool dribbles from her mouth all over Michael's pants.

_"You're just like Mommy when she's drunk."_

The door swings open unexpectedly...

"Who's drunk?"

_"Aunt Amanda has the best timing..."_

"Always. Hey big girl!"

Michael notices she's alone.

_"Where's Y/N and your fiance?"_

"They were playing a game last I saw."

Michael didn't like the sound of that. You should want to spend time with him, not be pushing him away.

"She seems to be having a tough time, Michael."

_"I know."_

"I can watch her while you go and spend some time with her."

Something felt off that Michael couldn't place.

_"You do enough. We'll go surprise her."_

Michael is aware of the constant stares of those around him. He knows the emotions he stirs in people. It isn't everyday he walks around with a child in his arms either. The quiet commotion it caused wasn't lost on anyone. Himself included of course.

They reach the library and find you and Anthony quietly sitting. He notices Anthony's face. _**'She must be beating the bastard badly.'**_

_"Let's see how badly Mommy is beating him."_

Rain is enjoying the scenery. It's not often she's seen by others. Everyone is subtly taking glances of their saviors child. They know better than to approach.

_"How badly is my wife beating you?"_

You and Anthony are startled by Michael standing beside you.

"Oh! Um, she's definitely winning."

"I'm surprised you're here. With her nonetheless."

It was strange. But Rain seems happy to see you, so you figure he has a reason for it.

_"I thought a walk would be good for us. Decided to come down and see Mommy."_

"Did you now?"

He hands you the baby and then looks at Anthony without saying a word. Anthony knows from experience that means to leave.

"Um, Y/N, we can finish another time?"

"Sure."

Anthony waves off Michael before leaving.

Michael nods in response.

"Bye Ant."

Michael takes the seat across from you. He examines the board.

_"He had no chance."_

"I know."

_"You take great pleasure in this."_

"He tried. I'll give him that."

Rain is reaching for pieces. Michael sees this as an opportunity to show her a few things.

_"Come here, Raindrop. Daddy will show you a little trick."_

Once passed off, he holds her hands close, and stares intently at the board. The pieces instantly fix.

"Show off."

_"How about a game?"_

"Always."

The rules are the same between you two. You're always white. Him black. It's been a while since you've sat and played each other. Now there's a tiny Langdon joining the game. You start the game. Michael takes his turn.

_"You've been quiet lately. You can talk to me, you know..."_

"I know."

_"Yet you still don't."_

An observation.

"I'm sorry. I can't keep my thoughts in a straight line and it doesn't help that you can just read them whenever you so choose. You can probably make sense of them before I could. I need to sort shit out on my own."

_"Why is it so hard for you to just need me? To let me be there for you?"_

_It's only ever bitten me in the ass._

"I'm a work in progress. Not even you can undo years worth of damage... You can't fix me."

_"I'm not trying to fix you. I'm just... trying to help you fix yourself. Being whatever you need me to be. But I can't do that if you won't let me in."_

Your shoulders relax a bit. The tension you've been holding onto starts to dissipate.

"I'm trying." You whisper.

_"I know. I'm here. We're here. Isn't that right?"_

Rain's been sitting on him, trying her hardest to get her hands on the funny looking things Mommy and Daddy are playing with that she's not allowed to touch. Until Michael decides to let her have fun. He hands her the rook. She looks fascinated. She then starts grabbing for others on the board.

_"Since this is your first game, we'll teach you a basic move... This is called Castling. We have the king piece, which is Daddy and you'll be the rook. This move works best if done early in the game.."_

Rain starts putting the chess pieces in her mouth instead. _Evidently, she doesn't give two shits about Michael's teachings..._

"Um, Michael, those are gross, don't let her eat those..."

He hands her different pieces to play with.

_"Here eat the pawns instead. We don't care about those. You know why?"_

_Seriously?_

He's too busy rambling on...

_"...They're disposable. Inconsequential commodities. Just like most of these people here. And what do we do with things that are disposable? Hm? We rid of them, by any means necessary. Psychological torture, so they do the deeds themselves, is always good. Maybe ripping out their hearts... A good old fashion burning never goes out of style. So what have we learned, Raindrop?"_

She glances up at her father with a sense of wonderment. As if they're having a private conversation that you shouldn't be there for.

_This would almost be fucking adorable, if he weren't teaching our daughter about how to murder people..._

_"That's right. These people are all our pawns and if they don't obey, we'll annihilate the-"_

"Michael." He can feel your eyes cutting through him now. He looks at Rain and back at you...

_"We'll invite them over... For... Tea?... Parties?"_

"Mmhmm."

_Asshole._

Rain looks to you, then back up at Michael with a gummy smile, happily chewing away on a chess piece. _She has her fathers devilment, that's for sure._

_**'We'll talk later, kid.'** _

You can tell by the look he just gave her that he's telling her something.

"I know you're telling her stuff so I can't hear, Langdon."

 _"Me? Never."_ When he winks at you, followed by a shit eating grin on his face, you know that he's lying. You both know it. You can't help but roll your eyes and smile.

Rain starts throwing chess pieces around. She's enjoying the mess she's making.

_"So much for that..."_

"She's enjoying herself. She'll learn the game eventually."

Michael then joins her. You then realize you actually have two children...

\----------------------------

_"Still with me?"_

_Breathe. Just breathe._

"Mhmm"

_"Words."_

"Y-Yes." You panted.

It was finally coming to an end. You felt it. As soon as you let out a soft moan, he slows the rhythm of hips. Again. Leaving you angry and practically ripping the sheets with how hard you gripped them.

 _"Relax."_ He whispers.

It feels like it's been hours that he's had you like this, being slowly worked up, but not granting any release. He's done it to some degree with his mouth, but never through fucking. It's an entirely different feeling. It feels like a form of torture. Michael voluntarily does this to himself and you wonder if it was self-taught or a bestowed blessing.

He's enjoying your frustration. The way he can coax your body to submit to him. How you both hate, yet want him more for it. It never gets old to him. It's one of the things he's most proud of.

He tries to conceal the glazed over, fucked out look in his eyes. He's just as gone as you are. His rapid heartbeat in his chest and heavy breath against you are dead giveaways that he's choking down his moans. _He has a tell..._

You're so close, your body can only tremble in response. He's kept you in this state for quite a while. Every thrust just feels like a tease. You become desperate and try any little thing you can. Lightly dragging your nails down his spine makes him shiver. He falters momentarily given his state. His thrusts are getting sloppier. You can use that to your advantage now. You quickly kiss him, pulling away slowly while giving his lip a soft bite.

Then you breathily go in for the kill.

"I love you."

It doesn't take long for either of you. It's an unusual feeling. One you've felt somewhere before. The immense pleasure feels otherworldly.

Obsidian eyes are fixated on your face before they turn back to their usual blue.

_**'That was unexpected...'** _

\----------------------------

Hell has no shortage of company.

Treasures and flesh are never in short supply for it's king.

Toys are more fun to play with when you know others are willing to fight over them. But the funny thing about playthings, is sometimes we become attached and aren't as willing to part with them as we thought. They grow on us. In time, we stop playing with them and start appreciating their worth. Even the devil himself fell prey to his own trap. There's only one treasure he seeks. A precious commodity he can still feel in his veins. One whose skin he'd like to feel under his fingertips...

Scotch in hand, a cigarette between his lips, he sits and admires the sight of a damned soul before him, on her knees with his dick down her throat. He's contemplative. While her mouth and hand work in tandem, his attention is elsewhere. Focused entirely on the fact that she smells differently than you do. He closes his eyes and pictures you looking at him rapt with want. With need. Something he never got to fully experience. To feel you again. He wanted to break you.

 _ **"Next time, I will..."**_ He whispers to himself.

Approaching footsteps pull him out of the moment. This visit requires his full attention.

_**"This will have to continue later, I have a guest."** _

His naked companion leaves while he straightens out his appearance. He can't appear to look disheveled after all.

The footsteps draw closer...

_**"Drink? I have your favorite on hand."** _

He puts out his cigarette and immediately picks up another one and lights it.

_**"I'd offer you one, but I know you don't smoke. Have a seat."** _

He pours them both a drink. They sit in silence for a bit. It's been a while since they've sat in the same room together. There's a chessboard on the ornate table.

_**"The board's still the same as we left it."** _

The smell of smoke and alcohol invades the warm room. The sound of the embers crepitating breaks up the sound of silence.

_**"It's been a long time. It's rude not to say "Hello" at least."** _

This earns a smirk.

_"Hello Father."_

_**"There? Was that so hard?"** _

_"You've been busy."_

_**"This place doesn't run itself."** _

Michael downs his glass and pours himself another.

_**"Someone's not pacing themselves. You must be in a mood."** _

_"I have a proposition for you."_

A deep laugh reverberates in the thick air of the room.

_**"Since when are you in the position to give ME propositions?"** _

Tensions are already creeping in. This can go many ways. Michael's all too familiar with making deals with the devil.

_"The girl, Amanda. She may be of interest to you. Her fiance can be thrown in as a freebie."_

_**"Does your wife know you knocked up the help?"** _

Michael winces at the words said aloud.

_"She'll never find out."_

_**"I don't want them."**_ He quickly retorts.

Michael knows the one he wants... He breaks the glass he's holding in his hand.

_"My wife was never supposed to be part of this. She's not part of any fucking deal."_

_**"Well, my dear boy, you made her part of it. You see, you fell in love with her. You're married with a child. You fucked the help, with whom you also have a child. You both have been lying to your wife about this. Now you want me to help fix your mess. You know the price..."** _

_"I'll just have to do it myself then."_

_**"Why haven't you done so already? Surely you don't need my permission."** _

Michael's silence tells many stories. There's great, telling truths in words we don't say. He pours himself another drink instead.

_**"It wasn't a one time thing. You're still fucking her."** _

_"No, I'm not."_

_**"Please, enlighten me... How do you intend on fixing this?"** _

_"I'll just make it seem as though her fiance killed her. Y/N will be devastated of course. I get rid of him too. I can easily convince her to raise the baby as our own. She won't say no. Baby needs a mother. I couldn't just dispose of her right away."_

He nods his head. Lets the words fester some.

_**"Seems simple enough. I'm sure she'll go for it."** _

Michael seems pleased with himself... The sarcasm in his father's voice seems to have gone over his head.

_**"Just one thing... I see you finally became a man, emptied your balls all on your own and that Y/N is pregnant again."** _

_"Why is that important?"_

_**"What makes you so sure she doesn't already know about all of this?"** _

He looks to Michael with a deviant smile on his face. Michael feels the burn of bile slowly making its way up to his esophagus.

_"You fucking didn't..."_

He looks to his father as he downs his glass slowly. Once he settles it, he looks in his son's eyes and sees the fear in them.

_**"I'll let you find out for yourself. Your wife? Holds a lot of power. All you need to know is this... She gives me the word and I shall do anything she asks of me."** _

Michael realized it wasn't about him anymore. It stopped being about him a long time ago...

_"She's mine."_

_**"We'll see..."** _

\----------------------

With the baby asleep and just the fireplace keeping you company while Michael is busy, you sit drapped across his beloved, awful chair. Waiting.

He isn't aware of the long, trying day you've had...

You feel a hand graze your knee. Even when you're expecting him, he still manages to surprise you.

_"Still works."_

"Clearly."

He pours himself a drink and downs it.

_"I'm surprised you're still awake."_

"I was waiting for you."

_**'Oh'** _

Grabbing his hand, he helps you up and you lead him over to the the table, where you've already set up the pieces for a game. You made sure to have a full bottle of scotch there for him.

"Shall we?" The seductive tone in your voice is luring him in without even trying.

You take your respective places. He opens his bottle. Doesn't bother with a glass this time.

You each take your turns. Slowly. Unsure if it's the alcohol but he hasn't taken his eyes off of you the entire game.

"You should be looking at the board."

His eyes are transfixed by the thin strap that won't stay on your shoulder. Every time you move, it slips. He now notices how your skin is glowing. You smell different. He wants to bend you over the table and fuck you until you can't walk.

_"I'd rather play with you instead."_

You smile.

"How did the visit with your father go?"

All the color drains from your husband's face. The bottle almost slips out of his hand.

_"What?"_

"I bet he's excited about being a grandfather for the third time..."

**_'Fuck...'_ **

"Second time." He swallows hard.

"Hm. I know Abel is your son. Maybe if this one's a boy, I should name him Cain." You chuckle. Michael doesn't seem as amused as you do. "What kind of satanic follower names their fucking son Abel anyway? I'm surprised you allowed it."

He can't breathe. Your calm composure is maddening.

_"How did you find out?"_

"I have friends in low places..."

You looked at him and smiled. His jaw clenched.

"Do you remember the first game we played?"

You played your move. He's completely confused.

_"Of course I do. You beat me."_

"How?"

_"With only two knights and a bishop, you were able to force mate."_

"You become arrogant when you think you have the upperhand, Michael. It's your move..."

_"Y/N, I'm sorry."_

His voice cracks.

"No. You're sorry you got caught. Now, I'm stuck having to clean up your messes."

_**'What the fuck does that mean?'** _

_"What do you mean clean up my messes?"_

You reach over and tenderly touch the sides of his face. He'll surrender to your touch. He always does. He resists at first, not wanting you to see him fall apart. And just as suspected, he caves as soon as you touch him.

"The only reason you're still here is that I'm a fucking moron that still loves you and because we have a daughter that loves her father. She would be devastated if you were gone. But remember this, you're easily replaceable when your father can easily take your form and assume the father role every now and again if need be. The only reason you're still breathing is me. I've already taken care of several problems tonight... Don't make me add you to the list."

You gave him a soft kiss and got up, leaving him sitting there, completely stupified.

Until he starts to wonder what you meant that you took care of several problems.

_"Y/N, what problems did you take care of?"_

You dismissively shrug your shoulders and roll your eyes as you feign innocence.

"Remember your place."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used 2 parts from Bojack cause they literally fucking broke me when I saw them. They resonate with me deeply. Also used a part from Lermontov's "The Demon." I very loosely based the whole concept of Satan/Reader relationship off of Alfred de Vigny's philosophic poem Eloa.


End file.
